regarding ex husband and access

[benbon]

ok i really dont know if iabu here so would love some honest oppinions and know you guys will tell me straight.
his weeke

ex and i only split in july of this year so was shocked and suprised when he booked himself a 4 week holiday to oz he left begining of november and got back not this thursday just gone but the one before that (the 10th ish) whilst away he didnt call the children once to see how they are..

the weekend before he went to oz he told me he was working but it turns out he wanted to be able to go clothes shopping and wanted some "me time"

so anyway he got back a week and a half ago and said he wanted to have the children this weekend picking them up at 10.30am, so this morning i have 2 happy children cases packed waiting at the window for daddy. 11 am comes, then half past. finally at 10 to 12 i manage to get hold of him after calling like 4 times. he says weather is bad "duh" that he will get the train and is just leaving. he lives just under an hour away from us.

so we had a row and i told him not to bother that we had waited in long enough that we wernt prepared to wait anylonger.. (it is also my mums birthday so we were looking forward to going shopping childfree and having a few drinks tonight)
then he resorted to calling me f*inG stupid! and a retard apparently i am stopping him from having his children when he is doing his best.

so am i being unreasnable, i do kind of feel like im stopping them..??????

Yes you are stopping them.

He was being a twat in not calling you but shouldn't cancel the whole visit.

I would have told him to phone when he got to the station and I'd tell him where we were to come and collect the children.

Doing his best would have been keeping you apprised of his transport problems.
However YABU to say "well you can't have the kids then" he may be a fanny but it sounds like they were really looking forward to it. If you have the kneejerk reaction to not let them go you'll be the bad guy and he will milk it for all it's worth for EVER.

You are stopping your children seeing their dad because he is late. YABU.

so should i have cancelled my plans and stayed in and waited for him. or should he have atleast left his house by 10 to 12?

Ok, fine, you're right, whatever

you should have done what I said

and failing that yes - because your children's need to see their father overrides your needs in this case

that's 'yes' to canelling your plans, I mean

YANBU to be angry but YABU to stop your kids from seeeing their Dad. Obviously there is still a lot of anger and resentment between you and he sounds a git to be late having not seen his kids fora month. But you have to swallow it - your children are the ones getting hurt here.

He should have let you know that he was going to be late and he shouldn't have spoken to you the way he did, but you shouldn't have cancelled the whole visit because of it. Yes it was a pain as you had to phone him and he was late, but you still would have had your 'me time' in the afternoon.

It doesn't matter that he is a stupid twat, they were waiting for him, you needed to put yourself out for them not him. He is being a PITA, but the end result was that they didn't get to see their daddy who they were clearly really looking forward to.

Get a custody arrangement sorted out properly, written down and agreed.

yes we definately need a legal aggrement im all for that. he refuses. i have called him and appologised about today and have suggested that if he is free tomorrow and would like to have them he can.

Then you need to get a court order so he can't screw them around.

Seriously fuck him and the horse he rode in on, but your kids will know if you do everything you can for them to have a relationship with him.

You didn't know he was going to be late. You didn't know where he was/what he was doing, or even if he had any intention of coming to get the children because he did not pick up the fucking phone and tell you.

So, YANBU

However, once you did make contact, and he dragged his sorry ass out of bed/hole/whatever, then it became a situation of him being late, at which point you could tell the children that daddy is just going to be a little bit longer.

So, YABU

If he had taken the children, then surely it wouldn't have been for an hour and a half anyway?

i grew up with a mum that always let us down sometimes she turned up late sometimes not at all no phone calls with explanations and no answers to phone calls, i do not think you are to be honest, my mothers actions have affected me even to this day and i have a real issue trusting that people will keep their word and be here on time and so on, i would never let any one let my child down no matter who they are, if his children where important to him, he COULDNT leave them for 4 weeks and wouldnt leave them waiting! i think if he gets away with it from the word go he will always be late and could progress to not turning up, id not tell my children he was coming and say if he is late with out a call he is not having them if its that important to him he will buck his ideas up!! the only people that suffer is poor children if you accept them being let down or waiting, if you tell him not to come when he clearly cant be bothered anyway he wont care he will probably be pleased, so dont tell the kids give him a few chances if he dont turn up or is late with no phone call say he cant see them, protect your children from being hurt cause it does hurt when thet are really late and as i say it will probably turn into more x