To have called DH a spineless twunt....

[Bambinoloveseggbirds]

I am sick of SiL coming round and making comments about our house and how we look after DS. We aren't in the good books at the mo anyway because we got married and didn't tell anyone, but his mother seems better with that now, but not his sister. She came round the other day and called us stupid because we haven't put our TV on the wall (I don't want the TV to be the centrepiece), said our house was a mess - not outright but said it looked like friends of theirs' house who they always slag off for having a shitty house. Anyway, it is usually really tidy but was laundry day and snowing so there were piles of clothes around and it was a mess but FFS, I work and DH is a lazy fuckwit, plus her mum does all her cleaning and ironing so she does fuck all.

She then told me that DS needs a haircut and commented on his cradle cap still being there, which I have tried everything to cure to no avail. I said that I liked DS' hair as it is as it's curly. She even made a dig about our front door on the way out because she felt a draft coming through. FFS, I am so angry with DH, he never says anything and just fucking fawns over them because we had the audacity to have the wedding day that we wanted. I just called him a twat and now I feel bad. he is a good DH, he just wants an easy life.

We are supposed to be going round there on Xmas eve (they were supposed to come here but have managed to turn it round to us going there), but quite frankly, if she is this rude in my home, what will she be like there. I told DH that he has to outright tell her to fuck off and mind her own, as she is really pushing it. She isn't a rationable type so a sit down chat will not work. I'm so angry hence the swearing.

I don't want to go on Xmas eve but I don't want MiL not to see DS at all over Christmas. She has said some shitty things,but he is still her DGS.

does she speak a diferent language to you?

i think you get where i am going with this!

why are you being nasty to your DP when you clearly have an issue with his sister?

i don't think your DH should tell his sister to Fuck off

if you don't want to see them, then make other plans and just cool things down if she aggravates you that much (or your DH can go with your DS)

That I should say something Custy? Yes, I know I should, but shouldn't DH stand up to his own family when they are insulting his wife and child.

I know. I feel bad but there's so much more to it. I am starting to resent him. He has let his sister and mother talk to me like shit for the past year since DS was born. I had quite bad PND and he still didn't tackle it. I kind of feel if he had tackled it months ago things might not be this way.

speak to your DH reasonably rather than attacking him

maybe he doesn't want to fall out with his sister but if she is being nasty to you then it should be tackled

she sounds absolutely awful, the type who really needs to have a few strips torn off her - by you. As for your dh - yes he is a bit of a spineless div but he's got nothing on the sister let's face it. I feel a bit showdown coming on.

Why don't you write down a list of all the spiteful things she has said to you and post it to her with a request that she explain herself.That's what I would do.

I have tried all year to speak reasonably Ruby. I shouldn't have attacked him no, but I have had enough. I try to just ignore her and feel that she is baiting me wanting to start a fight, but it gets to me and I get angry when I think of it. I have asked countless times for DH to talk to her and tell her that he won't have that in his house but he hasn't. Dh said we won't go on Xmas eve, but again he running away from the real issue.

When she says these things, how do you or he respond?

Can you just blank her?

not sure what to say then, except spend as little time as possible in her company

No point in arguing with DH about it, it will only create trouble between you and at the same time give SIL more to bleat on about (saying all you do is moan at her angelic brother etc)

You are big enough and ugly enough to tell her to eff off, all you need beforehand is the support of DH. You are guaranteed when you upset the apple cart by telling her to eff off, that she will be on the phone to your bro doing exactly what you are doing to him now - getting on his back to speak up. That is why you need to get him onside first.

Have some standard phrases ready for SIL....."none of your business"...."yes, we all do things differently, don't we?" and as a last resort "fuck off" always comes in handy.

its his sister, and his family, so he has the primary relationship with them. so it is HIS responsibility to tell her to wind her neck in.

When she said about DS' hair, I said "noooo, I love his hair longer as I love his curls". If I don't respond then I totally ignore her but I seethe after and DH gets the brunt of it I'm afraid.

this is what my DP was/is like with his mother. lets her say what ever and it washes over him like water off a ducks back.

I had said to him for years to ask her to back off unfortunately he never and i had to take the bull by the horns myself.

Result... his mother and i no longer speak but my DP and son still visit her together.

Sometimes you have to tell people yourself or just suck it up... its up to you which way you take it.

I guess I just wanted to vent. I feel angry that he doesn't even get that she is insulting us.