to not invite my cracker-maker to xmas dinner?

[bobdog]

Our family and better looking friends are obviously all invited for a festive house party. What do you do with your artisans?

Pmsl!

Could you not just put them together a hamper with foodstuffs they like? One of those meat pies in a tin, a few cans of redbull, a packet of monster munch - that sort of thing.

I am sure it would be dreadfully awkward for them to attend anyway. What would they wear? How would they know what fork to use?

Oh you see, we always invite our artisans along to our festive house parties. Tis good manners to thank the little people for doing it all for you teaching you new skills

Our hermit will obviously just forage for seasonal food around the grounds.

Buggery bollox. Why does the strike out not work and make my comments witty???

We only invite artisans who are pleasantly fragrant. A certain amount of "horny-handed son of toil" rusticity is tolerated but anyone whose fingernails don't pass muster are politely asked to let themselves out by way of the tradesperson's entrance. Without collecting a vol au vent.

I won't have anyone in my house that Kirsty Alsop wouldn't have on telly in hers.

Apple cheeked old ladies - acceptable.

Ample-bosomed women in pinnies - acceptable.

Ruddy be-whiskered gentleman with leather apron - acceptable.

Sweaty looking man with builder's bum - no.

Of course one wouldn't let them anywhere other than the kitchen