to threaten to cut my 8 year old ds hair short with clippers at home if he can't behave at the hairdressers?

[IlanaK]

He wants his hair quite long, but every trip to the hairdresser is so embarrassing. He sits there like a moody teenager with a grumpy look on his face. Refuses to talk to the hairdresser. Slides down in the chair until he is slumped so low youc an barely see him. Etc etc.

When he was 3, we had to stop taking him to the hairdresser due to his screaming and I started cutting his hair at home (short) with clippers. He was no better behaved, but at least it was not in public! About 2 years ago, we decided he was old enough to go to the hairdresser again and tried all sorts like getting a sweet after beaving well there, etc.

But for god's sake, he is 8 years old now and I have had enough!

So, am I being unreasonable for getting so cross at him at the hairdresser today that I said from now on if he couldn't behave like a halfway decent human being there, I would just stop taking him (saving me time and money) and clipper his hair short again at home? (of course it would kill me to actually do it as it looks aweful on him)

Not at all, perfectly reasonable consequence IMO.

But does he know what you expect as 'good behaviour' at the hairdressers? So maybe play hairdressers at home (not with real scissors as my delightful dd did to ds ) and model what he should be doing?

FWIW I frickin' HATE going to the hairdressers and feel a right lemon. Could he have a comic or something to occupy him?

Why does he behave like this at the hairdressers? Is it because he wants to grow it, so doesn't want it cut at all?

Personally I am of the 'old fashioned' school and don't do all the bribery, cajoling stuff that seems to go with 'modern' parenting. I would be telling him that if he doesn't behave himself properly next time then x will happen. End of. (x being whatever would have the greatest result, loss of DS/PS, grounding, no TV, hair being clipped at home - whatever consequence would affect him the most!).

We have talked endlessly about what good behaviour is. We have tried having him take books to read (he is an avid reader), game boy etc. It makes no difference. It is not about him not wanting it cut because he wants it longer. It is a personal space issue. He has always hated people touching him. He has a low tolerance for any discomfort. He just hates the whole experience. I am not forcing him to go though. Well, I am to some exent because if he wants his hair long then it has to be cut by a professional and not with my clippers.

I am strict with discipline. There is always a consequence to things. I have tried taking privilages away, but it was not made a difference. That is why today I realised that the natural consequence is that I would cut his hair short with clippers so that we do not have to experience this anymore. It did work today. When I said it, he stopped kicking the chair. He did not stop scowling, but he sat marginally better.

Why cut it at all? Just let his hair grow. If your lad eventually asks why he looks like Cousin It, suggest his behaviour at the hairdresser was the reason.

Hurrah! In that case, I doubly agree that it is a very sensible consequence - it's not some horrific punishment is it? Just makes sense. I have told dd already that if she wants her hair long, she will have to let me brush it.

Pikelit, I can't just let it grow (though I am sure he would be happy with that) as it is so thick that washing and drying it causes a problem. He swims so we can't really just leave it.

He was kicking the chair?

I'm sorry but it doesn't sound like you are strict with discipline.

8yr olds can moan about doing things they don't want to but sliding down the chair, kicking is going too far.

It's not a long thing so he should learn that in life you have to do as you're told at times.

I am actually very strict with discipline - something commented on by my mother quite often. However, nothing I did about haircuts was working. I always followed through, but clearly to him the sanction was just not bad enough to override how he feels about haircuts. However, I do think the idea of having it all cut off has worked.

If it is a personal space issue/hating being touched, it sounds as though he has a genuine reason to be very uncomfortable with the process. Is he like this in other situations? Do you think you need to look into this further?

I assume you have tried talking to him about this when you are not both wound up about it. Have you said to him calmly and honestly that it is his choice - he can choose to go to the hairdressers and have it cut properly, thus growing it long or he can choose to have you do it with the clippers. Given him the choice, not just as a threat?

As I said, I'm very strict & old school about behaviour, but at the same time, I would want to get to the bottom of why he feels this way... I wouldn't want him to feel that his feelings are unimportant to me. (I'm not saying you haven't tried or don't care etc... just musing outloud I guess in the hope that something helps you).