To expect 39 year old BIL to let us know himself that he isn't coming for Christmas...

[shivster1980]

...rather than tell his parents to pass it on!!

We were meant to be having my BIL and his son (11) for Christmas as well as my PIL. We have purchased food to feed 7 and today BIL tells PIL he wont be coming here as he has had too much on at work and can't manage the drive. (North Hants - Birmingham) We are upset that he and our nephew wont be coming, but cross at the short notice and plain lack of manners.

AIBU?

YANBU. He's a grown man, ffs. He's sending a poor message to his son, too.

Thanks.

It's his son I am upset about really. My DS idealises his cousin and would have had a lovely time with him. The good news though is that my DS wasn't expecting them as yet. I would have been so angry if DS had been disappointed, but poor DN.

Who is he spending Xmas with?
I'm not sure tbh
have you already bought all the food?
We haven't got anything yet

not really short notice is it

oh sorry read other message. can't you get together after christmas? new year?

He hasn't said who he is spending Christmas with.

He is in a new relationship (4/5weeks duration) and PIL have assumed he is going to be with his DP. We understnd that he may want to be with DP.

It's not really short notice - that is true.

We have already done most of the shopping (everything except the perishables) but I am not really complaining about that either as more booze, crisps and nibbles, sweets, meat (for main meal) etc for me! We always shop way in advance and have been building up the cupboard from october - helps the family budget.

Really our issue is more to do with his asking PIL to tell us and not phoning himself! Just seems like bad manners to me really.

and obviously some disappointment that we wont see our DN.

We will no doubt meet up for a family meal in the New Year (always meet for birthdays).

Yes it is bad manners, if he'd been your friend he wouldn't have asked his mum to pass a message to you he would have done it himself.
For some reason families operate differently eg my SIL rang my MIL to tell her that my niece wouldn't be going to MIL's sister for the evening, so MIL rang her sister to tell her this. Sounds complicated and it was. It would have been much more straightforward for SIL to phone MIL's sister herself (they all live in the 21st century and have telephones).

Frog253 - That's barmy, even more barmy than my BIL!