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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want dp to stay reasonably sober now I'm 38+weeks?

24 replies

lkjhg · 17/12/2009 16:06

Recurrent source of annoyance between dp and me.

I'm over 38 weeks pregnant with my second child and I want him to stay reasonably sober, ie no more than a couple of pints at a time, until the baby is born (will be by Monday if not sooner). He doesn't seem prepared to do this. I am and .

AIBU? Or is he an arse?

OP posts:

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 17/12/2009 16:10

YANBU. He is being an arse.

CeeUnit · 17/12/2009 16:15

YANBU

singsong · 17/12/2009 16:18

He is an arse. I'm 37+ weeks and would be if dh behaved like that.

MaggieAnFiaRua · 17/12/2009 16:20

nyanbu. does he want you to have to call a taxi when you go into labour.? how much would that cost?

start getting quotes now. or shame him into staying sober by saying. oh well, if you've had a few drinks i'll have to call your mum/my mum/your sister/my brother/your friend, and shrug like that's what you'll have to do if he won't stay sober.

GetDownYouWillFall · 17/12/2009 16:20

what if you went into labour? Who would get you to the hospital? My DD arrived at 38 weeks and you are now considered "full term".
YANBU
Have you got a back up plan in case he is completely useless when the time comes?

mistletoekisses · 17/12/2009 16:22

YANBU.

What did he say exactly? Is he refusing outright? Or does he have one or two specific nights that he wants to be out and therefore has an issue with it?

If there is a specific party, perhaps he isnt being too unreasonable. But if he simply wants to get wrecked as and when he feels like it, then he is being an idiot.

AgentZigzagDoingAYuleLog · 17/12/2009 16:23

I'm 37 wks and my DH drinks a fair lot of beer, but it hasn't even crossed my mind to limit him! But then it's not a problem to me, I accept he drinks in the evening and a part of who he is. He never goes overboard, and in turn he accepts who I am and anything I do.

But, on the other hand, if it's only until Monday, it's surprising that your DP doesn't want to cut if it puts your mind at rest. Is there a reason why he's saying he wont?

MummyDragon · 17/12/2009 16:39

YANBU and he is being an arse.

If you go into labour before Monday, and he is drunk, how will you get to hospital? Does he expect you to drive yourself?

I think anything from 36 weeks onwards justifies limited alcohol consumption TBH.

AgentZigZag, it's interesting that you are in the same position but don't mind ... will you be getting yourself to hospital if you into labour and your DH is too drunk to drive you? Or does he not drive anyway? (Oh God, isn't that another thread on here somewhere? .... )

CloudDragon · 17/12/2009 16:45

My mate had to go to the labour room with his wife reeking of booze and was embarrassed for 12 hours....

and cost about 30 quid there and back in taxi!

mattellie · 17/12/2009 17:00

Had a difficult pregnancy so DH gave up drinking for the whole period, said he considered it ?irresponsible? to drink when I might need driving to the hospital at a moment?s notice.

Added bonus was, he found he didn?t really miss it so now he?s the designated driver whenever we go out!

AgentZigzagDoingAYuleLog · 17/12/2009 17:20

It's weird mummydragon, it honestly hadn't crossed my mind, I've got no idea why!

I don't drive, and DH does, hosp about 20 mins away. He defo would limit his drinking if I asked, and I don't think the OP is being unreasonable, she's not even asking her DP to go without, and it's only for a short while.

I might just say to DH that he'll have to give up the drinking over Christmas just to see the look of desparation on his face!

HappyBump · 17/12/2009 17:26

YANBU - he is an arse! The last thing you need is a non-responsible driver taking you to the hospital.

Although my DH did take a little flask in with him to the hospital in case he needed it during labour with our first (he was terrified). It was a bit of a joke really ... he didn't have chance to open the flask as it all happened so quickly and TBH I don't even think it crossed his mind.

andlipsticktoo · 17/12/2009 17:31

Hmm, tricky. How do you know baby will arrive by Monday?

I went into labour on Christmas Day 13 years ago with ds1, I was 2 weeks overdue and we all thought the baby just wasn't coming. We were visiting friends, about a 20 min drive from our house, and a further 15 mins from the hospital. Needless to say everyone was drunk and I had to drive myself to hospital, whilst dropping off other rather intoxicated friends on the way - having contractions all the time!

In the event, dh sobered up extremely quickly! And unless you are in a soap opera, labour's don't usually start with a bang and a dash to the hospital - we usually get a bit of notice.

I don't think YABU to be concerned, but I don't think it would be a huge problem really if your dh continued to drink.

Bathsheba · 17/12/2009 17:38

I'm now 35+1 and Dh knows that his big blow out last weekend is it from now on in - anything could start to happen at any time and I need him here and capable...

Bathsheba · 17/12/2009 17:40

Sorry I meant to add that I'm not supposed to go into labour - I'm having a planned section under a GA, so if labour did start I'd need to be in there pretty quickly to be assessed as to whether they stopped it, or delivered me (and at this point in time they would probably deliver me) - so while I udnerstand that labours can last for days and days to allow husbands to sober up, mine wouldn;t

MamaLazarou · 17/12/2009 17:42

YANBU. Good luck with it all x

Original poster

lkjhg · 17/12/2009 18:13

Planned section on Monday. Just upset that dp is risking being drunk at the birth of his child (not an issue first time round as delivered significantly early, hadn't even thought to ask him to cut down iyswim).

He thinks I'm trying to control him. I'm fed up of being told that I'm trying to run his life.

I want to be put first for a short period of time.

OP posts:

Fibilou · 17/12/2009 18:37

He sounds like an absolute dickhead. If he won't put you first when you are about to give birth when do you think he will ?

Never

Meglet · 17/12/2009 18:57

Yanbu. It sounds like you need a miracle and he needs to grow up. From the sound of it I can't see that happening any time soon .

ICantFindAFreeNickName · 17/12/2009 19:04

YANBU Even if you are happy to get a taxi to hospital, have you any idea how difficult it can be to get a taxi the weekend before Christmas. I know from experience, as my dd who was a planned cs in the new year, decided to come very early & very quickly, just after midnight the Sat before Christmas.

feedtheyakandhewillscore · 17/12/2009 19:09

My dh got drunk when I was 8 days overdue and my waters broke. Had to ring my mum to take us in. Same labour when he disappeard to macdonalds!

He was so ashamed though didn't drink whole way through my 2nd pregnancy!

JaneS · 17/12/2009 19:15

Of course you need him to stay sober! Can you perhaps explain to him that it is his baby, and if you go into labour, he will need to be the one who looks after you? Does he realize that you could be getting the show on the road any minute now, and he might be needed to drive you (if he drives) to the hospital, or to arrange for you to get there?

MumNWLondon · 17/12/2009 19:43

YANBU - he is being totally selfish. Is he planning to stay sober when the baby is born?

ineedalifelaundry · 17/12/2009 19:47

Is there a drink problem here somewhere op? My DH never managed to stop drinking at the end of my pregnancy in spite of earlier promises. He is an alcoholic. Functioning, wage earning, loving husband and father, but drinks every night and finds it almost impossible not to do so.

It really upset me at the time that he couldn't even stop when my labour was imminent. But I'm now getting help and support for myself (from thread in relationships topic on here and from alanon) and I'm beginning to understand that he will always choose alcohol over me and DD. This is because he is ill. He has a disease. He needs treatment but he is too scared to ask for help just now.

I may be wide of the mark with your situation but thought I'd share my experience.

Good luck with the birth btw!

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