Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to ask DS to put his toys away?

22 replies

Littlepurpleprincess · 17/12/2009 14:27

He has tipped his bricks all over the lounge floor, he isn't playing with them. I've asked him nicely. He said no. I've offered an incentive. He said no. I've taken away a privalige (TV has been turned off). He's now in time out because he still says no. He's 3 and half. It seems he would rather be punished than take a minute to put his toys away.

Would I be totally unreasonable to just smack his bottom and leave him to sulk?

Either way my lounge is a total mess and DS does not do as he told.

It's like this every day!

OP posts:

Morloth · 17/12/2009 14:29

In our house, if I have to pick your shit up you may not get it back. When DS was younger, he would be given a warning that if he didn't put his stuff away then he wouldn't be getting it back for [insert time period you think reasonable]. Now at 5.5 years it is the bin.

I wouldn't smack for that.

Iklboodolphtherednosereindeer · 17/12/2009 14:31

Have you tried 'lets have a race to see who can put the bricks away fastest/put the most bricks away. I bet I'm faster than you'. Then start (slowly) putting some bricks away. It sometimes works with DS

Original poster

Littlepurpleprincess · 17/12/2009 14:32

I wouldn't really smack but damn it's tempting when I'm doing it the 'right' way and it just doesn't work. It's hard to stay calm and reasonable when its a constant battle.

OP posts:

Bucharest · 17/12/2009 14:40

YANBU to want him to.
YABU to think he will do it every time.
YABVVVVVVU to think of smacking him for it.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 17/12/2009 14:45

Well YANBU to ask but YABU to expect him to do it

I have 2 boys 7 and 5, it's still an uphill battle to get them to clear up. I don't get too hung up about it TBH, at the end of the day I would rather them have lego all over the floor because they have had a good time building things than having spent their time on the Wii which would probably be the alternative in this house.

Small children are messy. Tidying up is boring. As someone else said, your best bet is to try and make it into a game. Who can be quickest, that kind of thing.

And don't let the mess stress you out, life's too short.

Original poster

Littlepurpleprincess · 17/12/2009 14:46

"YABVVVVVVU to think of smacking him for it."

Hardly, I wouldn't ever actually smack him for this but thinking of it, I'm only human.

Or would you like to come and listen to the screaming now and see how long your patience lasts?

I've only asked him to put some bricks away ffs, you'd think I was killing him if you heard him.

OP posts:

nannynobnobs · 17/12/2009 14:46

If I have to tidy up dd1's stuff she doesn't get it back for a week. If she continually makes a mess she doesn't get it back at all.
Mine are the same, would rather have a punishment than take one minute to do a job. I have a LOT of grey hair...

Original poster

Littlepurpleprincess · 17/12/2009 14:48

Thankyou for suggesting the games but it really doen't work with DS. He will literally just stand there and watch me play the game. He's quite bright, he knows if doesn't do it, I will have to at some point.

OP posts:

Morloth · 17/12/2009 14:49

Another thing as well.

Sometimes a job can just seem too overwhelming for DS. So instead of saying "Go and clean your room", I have found it more effective to say "Go and put all the hard toys away in your room", "Go and put the soft toys away" etc.

Maybe try saying "OK, lets put all the BLUE blocks away!" and so on.

Original poster

Littlepurpleprincess · 17/12/2009 14:49

Ta for understanding Nannynonbnobs, it's tiring isn't it.

OP posts:

bubblagirl · 17/12/2009 14:50

...

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 17/12/2009 14:58

I would pick my battles a bit more carefully TBH, especially at 3 and a half.

Children make mess, that's the way they are.

I know lots won't agree but at that age I didn't expect mine to clear up much.

JeffVadar · 17/12/2009 15:01

I used to say that anything left on the floor at bedtime would be thrown away, while threatrically waving a black bin bag around.

I would sometimes offer to help him, but no way was I going to do it for him.

Original poster

Littlepurpleprincess · 17/12/2009 15:04

I do pick my battles but this is important to me. Looking after yourelf is an important life skill. Putting your things away teaches independance, respect for his belongings and respect for me. I'm not his skivvy, I'm his mum. It's not my job to do everything for him, it's my responasabilty to give him the life skills he needs and teach him to do things for himself. At 3 and half he is definately capable of putting bricks in a box. And he knos he only has to ask for help if he needs it.

OP posts:

ebayaddict · 17/12/2009 15:26

Sound like it time to get mummy black sack out.

Everything left on the floor at bedtime get's scooped up into it and it's kept in the garage until sunday morning. Then I tip it out on the floor and they have to tidy it away. If they don't it goes in the garage for another week.

Generally they are so eager to get their toys back they it all get's put away quickly.

I've been doing this since they were about 3 and now they are 5 & 7 i'm a bit more strict about nothing coming out of the garage before Sunday.

Fibilou · 17/12/2009 15:30

You told him you would punish him, that's the option he's taken so the outcome surely is simple - you follow through on the punishment threatened or that's the end of your threats being taken seriously

Fibilou · 17/12/2009 15:34

DOyouthinktheysaraus - she has told him to do something 3 times and he is having a paddy. That is the issue now, not the mess.

Maybe I just grew up in a very restrictive home but if I did not do as I was told as a child I would be punished and that was that. In our extended family children do as they are told by adults. No discussion or treats for doing as they are told and I don't see why there should be.

emsyj · 17/12/2009 15:50

It seems a bit OTT to me to require him to put away a toy that he's not playing with (in your eyes) immediately - can you not just impose a rule that he tidies his toys away before tea/before bed or whatever, and make sure he gets into a routine of doing that rather than monitoring how much he's got out at one time? I do say this as an adult who has had to train herself to tidy up as I go along (and who has a chronically messy desk at work) so that might be a terrible suggestion, sorry.

Original poster

Littlepurpleprincess · 17/12/2009 15:51

I said that if he did not put them away, they would be taken away and he would not have them to play with anymore. He did not put them away so they are gone. Cue DS having a massive tantrum and trying to strangle me with my hood .

OP posts:

Original poster

Littlepurpleprincess · 17/12/2009 15:56

X post.

The reason I asked him to put this away is because they were all over the floor. No room to move. I have a tiny house. He was bored with it and we could have got something else out and had some fun but if he won't put his toys away first there just isn't the space.

Even if I waited till bedtime, it would just be putting off the battle, for when he is tired and grumpy tbh. Although we do have a general routine and I am quite relaxed about mess. I just like it to be put away when finished with. This is what I was always taught.

OP posts:

CardyMow · 17/12/2009 23:15

Hmmm....YANBU to ask him, YANBU to get irritated by the paddy, buuuuut YAB a tad unreasonable expecting him to actually DO it. . I generally tried to get them to tidy away as soon as they were finished. I got a lot stricter once they were at proper school, as they can do it there. Now they are 6, 7.5 and 11.10, they get a bin bag outside their doors, and anything on the floor goes in the bag and to the charity shop, for children who would appreciate the toys more.....

Time2Hibernate · 17/12/2009 23:28

I try to think about clutter and what isn't. After all, I look around my house and see 'my clutter' my DH's clutter (heaps of it) in the garage, loft, kitchen, living room. All in various corners or piles, but still clutter.

Sometimes, because it is at floor level, or settee level it is really annoying. So, yes I too am the (inserts and am awfully bossy about tidying up...

An old cardboard box with various holes in it with aeroplanes of different sizes and state of repair, adorns my lounge. But DS (4yrs) loves it so much, that it made me think that I am probably the same about my dressing table, make up, kitchen cleanliness etc... so I'm pretty much the same about don't touch - it's just at a different height.

I do the tidy up songs with him. I also ask him, once every few months, if there are any toys he has grown out of, in case he wants to sell them and buy new ones. I resisted scooping them up and whizzing them away to the local sale/charity, as I thought if I did that to DH he'd be seriously angry with me. And rightly so!

I try to put it into context, which sometimes helps. Not always tho'..

Flip