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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to snigger to myself at this blatant playground politcal crap?

25 replies

chickydee · 17/12/2009 13:06

Right... I see certain mums every day at school, and over the years we have become friends, altho some I class as friends,some I class as "people i see every day and say hello to"..
A few weeks ago I told them I wouldn't be giving out xmas cards this year, i see it as a bit crazy, I give you one, you give me one, it goes in green bin 2 weeks later etc etc, (call me a misery i dont care!), and I told them all I wished them a very happy Christmas.
I have sent them to family and freinds i don't see every day tho.
Well at school this morning I had to smile ( and snigger quietly) to myself as they are all there, giving each other xmas cards in front of me, making a point of NOT giving me one (which is the whole point as far as im concerned), it almost felt like the playground politics, when you're not flavour of the month and everyone ignores you!
Thing is ds is going to a new school in Jan, so alot of these mums I wont see anymore, so it bothers me even less!
So AIBU? Should I have been nice and given out xmas cards as this is the last year i'll see alot of them? Or am i right to not actually give a toss????!!!!!

OP posts:

golgi · 17/12/2009 13:09

I don't quite understand - did you want Christmas cards even though you didn't send any?

in which case YABU.

If you genuinely don't give a toss then YANBU.

Numberfour · 17/12/2009 13:09

you def give a toss enough to take time out to post about the incident here!

MamaLazarou · 17/12/2009 13:10

You sound like you DO give a toss though.

LilySwalLoosHerTurkeyBaster · 17/12/2009 13:11

Odd post if you don't care why make an OP about it

belgo · 17/12/2009 13:12

If you told them you wouldn't be giving out Christmas cards this year, what did you expect them to do? Not give each other any? Or give them to each in secret so that you don't know about it?

juuule · 17/12/2009 13:12

Sounds a bit like you are bothered.

Not sure what you mean about making a point about not giving you a card.

If they are giving cards out but not to you, of course you will notice that.
If they are giving cards out and indicate in some way that you are not getting one, then maybe they are showing that they are complying with your request for no cards or perhaps they are a bit embarrassed by the situation(even though they have no need to be).

I'm not sure what your aibu is if you really don't give a toss.

bibbitybobbitysantahat · 17/12/2009 13:14

Do you think they should have given the cards to each other when you weren't there?

seeker · 17/12/2009 13:15

So you said that you don't agree with giving out Christmas cards to people you see every day - (I agree, by the way) - and it's somehow playground politics when other people take you at your word and don't give you one? Eh? I suspect they thought, quite sensibly, that you would be irritated by being given a card!

FabIsGettingReadyForChristmas · 17/12/2009 13:16

Exactly how did they make the point that they weren't giving you a card?

I think it bothers you more than you think.

Original poster

chickydee · 17/12/2009 13:17

Just to confirm, No I didn't want any cards! I think I just found it quite funny the way they tried to make a point without actually saying anything, "your not getting one cos you wont give me one", BUT (and again, I did not want any cards) to my mind if you are giving your freinds cards, then you give to give, not give to receive, surely?

Anyway,I don't think I'm making my point very well....I wasn't wanting cards, it just struck me as quite funny how no one would speak to me today and they all huddled together to give and recieve cards.

OP posts:

seeker · 17/12/2009 13:20

Sounds as if they were a bit embarrassed.

Original poster

chickydee · 17/12/2009 13:20

Seeker... I never said I didn't want to receive any, I just said I wouldn't be giving out any.... my point to them all being if you want to give me one fine, but don't expect one back, but again, the less cards I get the better, My house is NOT all cluttered up this year, as usually I get them, and both my kids get them,and I really can't see the point.

OP posts:

belgo · 17/12/2009 13:21

If you hadn't said anything about Christmas cards, i'm sure they would have treated you as they treat each other ie. have given you a card.

As it is, by telling them that you weren't doing cards this year, you have made this into a Big Deal and they probably don't quite know how to react to that. They don't want to give you a card if they think you will be irritated by it and it will just make your recycling bin fuller quicker; but they also want to give each other cards.

I think you are reading far too much into this, and you are quite clearly bothered by it.

cat64 · 17/12/2009 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bibbitybobbitysantahat · 17/12/2009 13:23

I think you need to forget all about it and have a lovely cup of tea .

AMumInScotland · 17/12/2009 13:25

You put them into an odd and uncomfortable position, so of course they behaved in a way which showed they were uncomfortable. They were trying to find the least-objectionable way of dealing with it. Their norm (right or wrong) would have been to give you a card along with the others. You upset the equilibrium by announcing that you would not be giving out cards.

So, each of them then has to pick their way through a social minefield.

Do they give you a card anyway, though you've said you're not doing it. If they do, they're not honouring what they assume are your wishes.

But then they have cards to give out to the rest of the group, even though they don't have one for you.

So they either have to do it blatantly, and say "None for you but Merry Christmas anyway", or do it without making a fuss about the fact, which is usually even more obvious.

What were you expecting them to do? Give you a card anyway, which you would then grumble about? Or all realise the error of their ways and folow your shining example by not giving cards?

IsItMeOrSanta · 17/12/2009 13:28

I think you're a bit weird to post about this tbh. If you had told them they're not doing cards, I would assume they assumed you didn't expect any back, but might still feel awkward if you're there watching and looking like you're inwardly sniggering while others are exchanging cards.

Have you run a little low on Christmas spirit this year?

IsItMeOrSanta · 17/12/2009 13:30

obviously you're not doing cards...

Popzie · 17/12/2009 13:34

You made a mistake making the announcement in my opinion; it sort of made an issue of it I think.

It's not really possible to comment on if they are being childish or not - as other posters said they probably hadn't given it much thought and just decided you'd prefer to be left out of the loop.

I'd understand why it was a bit uncomfortable for you though. Next year just quietly abstein without entering into a discussion about it first.

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding · 17/12/2009 13:35

I don't give xmas cards, my frinds know that so they give each other cards but not to me, cos I don't do christmas cards.

That's reasonable not making a point or snubbing me.

last night met group of frinds all handed out cards to each other, none for me, all fine, they know i don't sned cards.

Your point is very odd. Not sure I get it?

famishedass · 17/12/2009 13:43

I think I get it. Is it that you didn't want to give cards out but you did want to receive them?

YABU either way.

Original poster

chickydee · 17/12/2009 14:25

I'm taking bibbitybobbitysantahats advice, and having a brew,
I didn't realise this would make me sound "odd", it just something that i thought of this morning and wanted to share, but never mind.

Guess you kinda had to be there to see what i meant, and i'm genuinly not bothered, just thought it was funny.

OP posts:

IsItMeOrSanta · 17/12/2009 16:02

Have a to go with your cuppa. I have nearly finished the refill of our christmas biscuits...

AmericanHag · 17/12/2009 19:54

YANBU to think their behavior was childish. All you did (by saying you wouldn't be doing cards this year) was give them an excuse to act like 5-year-olds.

I agree with others that you should have said nothing about cards. Oh well, lesson learned.

I hate the cheap practice of handing cards to others. Either pony up the postage and mail it, or just SAY Merry Christmas. Unless there's cash inside the card...then it is okay to hand it to me. ;)

juuule · 18/12/2009 08:39

Post cards to people that you are going to see in the playground? Can't really see the point in that. I didn't realise that I was just being cheap

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