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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have cried all evening over this stupid comment?

50 replies

ConnieComplaint · 16/12/2009 20:59

Dh works in a very male environment, about 10 of them work in a group on a daily basis.

Anyway, they were talking about the weekend just gone & dh said he had taken the kids to see a Santa at the local shopping centre as I was having a day out with my sisters & friends as a treat for another friend.

They asked what we had got up to etc... and dh said actually, they all went pole dancing!

So one man (who isn't married, has never to any of their knowledge ever had a girlfriend) said to dh "Is your wife not quite big to be up to stuff like that?"

Dh told him no, I was actually just 4ft 10" (deliberately misunderstanding him) until he kept saying, No, I mean heavy, fat?

Dh said no, she's a size 12 - that's not fat!

Well, dh repeated the conversation to me at home this evening, as he was asking me if I had ever met this man, I said no, don't know him, then he told me what he said, adding that he thought he may have met my work colleague & got us confused.

But I burst into tears - my weight has always been n issue for me - I have lost almost 2.5stone since January last year & had finally built up some confidence, wearing soze 12 jeans for the first time in years etc...

I feel bad for Dh who is gutted he ever said anything to me in the first place, I feel sorry for myself too, but even more determined to lose this last stone.

I have been so looking forward to Christmas & I know I am hyper sensitive & my period is due so I more than likely am being a little bit unreasonable....but I really want to kick this man in the nuts.

OP posts:
Original poster
ConnieComplaint · 16/12/2009 21:22

Buddleja - yep, my four sisters, myself and a group of our lovely friends went as a treat.

It cost £20 for a 2 hour session & we were treated to wine & nibbles & a few games to break the ice... it was fab & we're definitely going to do it again!!

OP posts:
giraffespullthesleigh · 16/12/2009 21:24

He is an arse and likely has a very small penis...is there any way you could encorporate that message in to a Christmas card to him? Thats my advice

spookycharlotte121 · 16/12/2009 21:25

havent read the whole thread so i dont know if it has already been said but try not to let this bother you.
You say you have never met this man so he obviously hasnt got a clue what you look like.... Im guessing he thinks he has met you but has infact met someone else. so he hasnt got a clue what you look like.

Secondly.... the guy has never had a gf.... is it any supprise if that is his opinion of women. Im supprised he even has friends making comments about his collegues wifes like that.

MUTTletoe · 16/12/2009 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

figrollinthehay · 16/12/2009 21:29

Please don't take into account the views of a man who has never had a girlfriend! He sounds weird. He may have just said it as a bit of one-upmanship against your DH.

Buddleja · 16/12/2009 21:34

"He is an arse and likely has a very small penis"

Exactly giraffe!! Exactly what I was pandering to when I said some men think with their dicks and why he thinks things are bigger then they actually are

Sounds like a good laugh this pole dancing - nibbles and all

Original poster
ConnieComplaint · 16/12/2009 21:44

Ok - my dh would flip if he thought I had put this on here, so I just sauntered into the kitchen & said "Will you be talking to xxxxx tomorrow?"

He said he would...so I said, "Will you give him a message from me....? Will you tell him I said I think he has a problem determining sizes of things? And that seeing as he thinks I am huge then he probably has the same misconception about the size of his dick"

He stood there, then said "Honestly, you're Waaayyy overthinking this, he thought you were xxxxxx, but OK, I guess I'll tell him that.."

Did I do wrong?

Yeah, I'm overthinking it...

Shall stop.....soon.

OP posts:
ABetaDad · 16/12/2009 21:56

Connie - size 12 is NOT fat.

My DW was size 12 a year ago and is now size 10 and I definitely do not want her to be ANY thinner.

Now stop this. You have done brilliant to lose 2.5 stone and your DH must think you look fab. That is all that matters.

You are definitely way overthinking.

QandA · 16/12/2009 22:15

i would feel the same way and I don't know why the colleague thought it would be ok to say it to your DH or even your DH to say it to you, but I agree with Grendal that it is a case of mistaken identity, which because you are working on your weight at the moment, has hit a raw nerve.

You have done, and are doing, so well and should try and not let this get you down. Like your retort to him though, hope your DH has the nerve to say it to him

gloRiaInExcelsisDeo · 16/12/2009 22:39

Silly arse! (the colleague)

I did think (reading your OP) that your DH was only telling you not because he thought you would be upset, but because you would maybe have a laugh together at the other guy and be proud of your achievements.

Maybe the colleague wasn't being malicious either? The thought of you all pole dancing was maybe too much for him and he had to say something. Silly arse nonetheless though! (and YANBU, I would be upset too)

Your FB pics are fab and you have achieved a lot. Don't forget my sanctamonious quote about the bunch of roses, but think weeks instead of days.

Keep smiling Connie

Ladyanonymous · 16/12/2009 22:42

YABU because I think you've done fucking well to lose 2.5 stone, this guy is clearly a twat and your husband obviously loves you very much

gloRiaInExcelsisDeo · 16/12/2009 22:45

just read the thread now. Glad you all had a good time
of size 12 too. maybe one day...

LeQueen · 16/12/2009 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yummyyummyyummy · 17/12/2009 11:02

FGS sake you haven't even met the bloke !If you had met him and he said you were fat then I could understand being a bit Pssed off FOR ABOUT 5 SECONDS !!
The real Twt here is your DH who related the story to you ,especially knowing that weight is a sensitive issue for you .It was nothing more than male banter designed to get a rise out of your DH !

Floopy21 · 18/12/2009 09:58

YABU - you're not validated by some random in someone else's office. Everyone has an opnion, it doesn't make then right. YOU know you're looking gorgeous, esp after toning up a bit, your DH knows you look gorgeous, why does it matter what Fred Bloggs in sales thinks? He might have a granny fetish or something, that means you're just not his type
AND
YANBU - Everyone needs a good PMT weep sometimes, get it all out lovely!

SolidGoldpiginablanket · 18/12/2009 10:06

Actually, the random bloke is a really nasty tosser by the sound of it. The fact that he went on, and on, and on about the fatness of a woman (even if it was a case of mistaken identity), pushing the OP's H about it, is juvenile and spiteful - 'That bird's fat. She's FAT. Everyone say FAT!' type of thing. Horrid little beast. No wonder his workmates don't like him.

upahill · 18/12/2009 10:16

What is is with some blokes that they can think they can poke fun over weight.

A couple of years ago I was out with DH and saw an male acquantance from years before. He poked my tummy and said 'you've gone fat haven't you?' I had gone up from an 8 to 10 at this point. Inside I wanted to poke his eyes out but just laughed and rubbed his head and said 'I can always diet but you can't grow you're hair back can you?' He called me a fucking bitch and said I was spitefull. WTF?? I roared with laughter at that point and relised what the issue was. His insecurities -thats what!!

Morloth · 18/12/2009 10:20

WTF is DH thinking repeating something like that?

mrsmincepiesharket · 18/12/2009 10:29

consider him kicked

Lemonylemon · 18/12/2009 11:14

OP What is this size 12 that you speak of?

Oh yes, in the dim and distant past, I do remember being a size 12..

He's being a twat and you shouldn't take any notice of it. I suspect your DH couldn't believe that this guy had ever met you and wanted to confirm. Don't get so wound up about it.....

forehead · 18/12/2009 15:39

The idiot is probably jealous of the relationship between you and your dh and just wanted to annoy your husband. You would be surprised what people would say out of jealousy. Please do no waste anymore time thinking about this idiot and thank your lucky stars that you have a wonderful dh.

ginormoboobs · 18/12/2009 15:46

What twat. Why on earth would he even think that it was ok to say this to your DH!
Don't be hard on your DH. It sounds more like he thought that no way could this man be thinking of his wife because you are slim and beautiful

duchesse · 18/12/2009 15:55

Erm, bloke who made the remark sounds like the "check please" guy in Goodness gracious me. Has never had a girlfriend nor ever likely to frankly. He'll learn the hard way how to be a gentleman, and probably never get there. Think no more of it- who gives a toss what a social idiot thinks of you?

Your DH sounds very lovely by the way.

GhoulsAreLoud · 18/12/2009 15:59

Not read whole thread but I reckon the bloke was thinking of someone else. Definitely.

Stupid thing to say though.

carocaro · 18/12/2009 16:08

arsehole.

he probably fancies you and probably only ever gets to fuck a blow up doll at home, whilst thinking of you, eeeeeks, now there's a horrid thought!

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