hi all, I have namechanged and I am completely devastated by what has happened to me. However I'd like some honest opinions, hence I came on the AIBU. Excuse my english, it's my second language and I have been crying for over 24 hours, so bare with me please. Will try to keep this short, where possible.
Met DH almost 5 years ago, both fell madly in love, engaged only thre months later, all in all, 17 months after we met we were married with a baby. Twenty months later a second one arrived. They are now 3.4 and 20 months
DH is a fantastic dad, very hands on, he never saw the babies as "my job" and they adore him. He's a bit changed though as a person. I can't tell exactly when this happened, but I believe it's around the time DC2 arrived. We moved country 3 years ago and came to live near my family and take over the family bussiness. DH is extremely stressed about work, much more than it's logical, to the point that sometimes I feel he puts it before the family. It wouldn't bother me so much if the bussiness depended on him physically being there 6 days a week, but it doesn't it's not of such nature. I will stay at home from work if he needs me (if he's ill or needs help with something around the house) but he won't do the same for me. It bothers me terribly that he kinda looks down on me if I suggest we both take the day off to do such and such (things that NEED doing), as if I'm lazy. I am very hardworking btw and he knows it.
I'm saying all this to give you a taste of the relationship. We have been having HUGE communication issues. We argue almost every day but the arguments are for pathetic reasons, like "why did you look at me funny?", I swear to god this can turn into a 30'argument. I think the biggest problem is that he doesn't talk. I've beeged a billion tiimes, it has brought us to talk about divorce in the past. He's not the man I used to know, with a song in his heart and a smile on his lips. He's always moody. And when we argue I tie my stmach in knots while he's forgotten about it all 10 seconds later.
Anyway, last night he did something that I consider terrible. Please, I won't tell what, it's irrelevant. The fact is that with all our problems we do love each other more than anything else on the world. But I could have sworn and bet my life that he'd never do this thing. My entire world was crumbled in a matter of seconds. Everything I believed we had, it all dissappeared. I can easily forgive him his mastake, for which he has apologised and assumed full responsibility, but I don't think I can ever ever trust him again. His word doesn't mean shit anymore. I WANT to believe him, but HOW?
After a night of us starign at each other and crying not knowing what has happened to us, this morning he was avoiding even to look at me. So I held his hand and he cuddled me. I told him that I love him but this is going to take time and he said "of course". Somehow it seems that he thought this means it's all good!!
I stayed home today and spent the day crying, when the kids came back from nursery I took them to my mum's because I couldn't do anything but cry. I thought he'd try to connect with me. I don't want him to grovel or anything, but IT IS his fault we're here. Maybe offer to go for a drink or even watch a movie together at home FFS. Just show me you want to spend time with me.
I thought I'd help him out and suggested that we do together something tomorrow morning when the kids are at school. He went nuts and abruptly said "I have to go to work". There's absolutely nothing going on at work on the week before christmas, nobody else is there. I waned to scream "I have to go to work too moron but I'm trying to save our marriage, it's going down the drain and you just stand there and watch it".
I feel devastated beyond words, if we didn't have children I'd be out of here for a few days, just to get some perspective.
AIBU to expect him to show me that he gives a shit about US???