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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to consider really buggering up someone's hair

21 replies

slushy06 · 16/12/2009 16:44

I am sick to death everytime there is a wedding or a night out I am expected to do the hair and make up or nails. I am not qualified but I can do all the same things as my qualified friend only quicker. But I feel like everyone is taking the piss now they know I don't like doing it all the time yet everyone expects me to and in order to make sure I cannot say no they ask me three days before the wedding to do it then I spend six hours doing everyone's hair and make-up and nails and get no time to do anything not even put on mascara.

Sometimes I offer instead of a gift but I would just like to offer instead of it being expected. Now I am doing a friends hair and I said I would do it at 3 she has just called to say she cant make it then and will be around at 5 which is when I like to cook dinner and she knows I have two ill dc one of which is 4 months a new puppy and quite enough on my plate at the moment as it is.

When she said it the only excuse I could think of was I wont have time to do the style I wanted as I had said I will do it if she let me perfect a new style I am working on (she is going out at 6).
To which she replied 'well I can come around Saturday to try that out'.
I snapped 'now you are really taking the piss' and then guiltily apologized and said I was having a bad day and I would see her at 5.

Do you think people are taking advantage or am I being a grumpy sleep deprived bitch and if so any tips on how to not be so soft hearted and say no. I am not paid btw.

OP posts:
brimfull · 16/12/2009 16:46

perhaps you should charge them

they are taking the piss

MrsMattie · 16/12/2009 16:47

Either charge or say 'NO.' Your friends are completely taking the piss.

steamedxmaspudding · 16/12/2009 16:47

YABU to consider ruining her hair but YANBU to be pissed off!

Start charging. Seriously. Next time someone asks, say you'd be pleased to, and then add "it'll be £60p/h, btw - I've decided to go professional"

slushy06 · 16/12/2009 16:48

I Will reply to any posts later as I have to do said friends hair now and then do dinner and then get kids bathed and in bed.

OP posts:
ErnestTheBavarian · 16/12/2009 16:48

why couldn't you have just said, sorry, can't do 5?

Have you read Dr Seuss's Thidwick the big hearted moose?

choccyp1g · 16/12/2009 16:50

You just need to start charging. If you say to your friend, "I'm going to have to start charging for all this, I think xyz would be reasonable next time", she will surely get the hint.
For future requests, you have to say the same thing, "Yes, I'd love to do it, but I'll have to charge for my time, it will be £whatever" I think you'll find if they are paying, they will actually treat you with more respect.

Stigaloid · 16/12/2009 16:50

Learn to say no

Tizzyjacko · 16/12/2009 16:51

Just say no, or make your self unavailable. Sorry I'm busy or sorry the kids are sick (best excuse ever and the main reason for having them).

Read some guff about assertiveness (is that how you spell it? it looks wrong.) and practice on your DCs DH and friends

slushy06 · 16/12/2009 16:53

I was not considering permanently buggering the hair up just make it so it looks like a bird nest for tonight .

I don't feel comfy charging as I am unqualified and if I do make a mistake when perming or dying I would feel terrible.

I will do tonight as promised and then I may be permanently busy for hair appointments. It is the weddings I find hardest to say no to as at three days notice Bride is not going to find any one else.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 16/12/2009 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

googietheegg · 16/12/2009 16:54

If you see it as putting your children/family before friends who are asking too much of you, then you'll find it easier to say no

chegirlwithbellson · 16/12/2009 16:55

Did this all start because you wanted people to practice on? People can quickly get used to a situation and assume it will always be the same way.

Most people would be aware they are taking the piss though. But they are going to continue doing it until they are told otherwise. Your mate is saving herself a good few quid.

Next time, dont get into a conversation about it or make excuses. This just gives the piss taker a way of making you feel bad. Just say, I cant do it. If pressed say 'I dont have the time now DC are age & age' and dont discuss it any further.

SantaClausImWorthIt · 16/12/2009 16:56

You need to grow up a bit and take charge. People are taking advantage of your good nature, but you're letting them walk all over you. So what if a bride can't find anyone with such little time? She/they should thought of that before.

And if they query your refusal just say what you've said here - "I'm not a professional and I don't want it to go wrong".

Uriel · 16/12/2009 17:03

Why don't you take the relevant qualification and set up a business?
Sounds like you'd have enough clients!

sb6699 · 16/12/2009 17:06

YABU to bugger up her hair. You know you will ruin her evening. If you dont want to do it then you should just tell them you are too busy.

FWIW, one of my best friends is a hairdresser. She wouldnt dream of charging me but I always give her £10 and tell her that if she doesnt want it then she should take it as a gift for her DD.

I would feel bad if she did it nothing when I would have to pay a fortune elsewhere so agree your friends are taking the piss.

tiredfeet · 16/12/2009 17:09

you can't be cross with people for asking, you do have to take responsibility to learn to say no to things (although I know that can be hard!)

If you are good at doing it, why not charge at least something? although thinking about it, if my friend was spending ages doing my hair for me I would at the very least bring wine or chocolates or something as a thank you... so maybe your friends are taking you for granted a bit at the minute

Heqet · 16/12/2009 17:45

Sorry, but it is up to you to put your foot down! People keep coming because they know you can't say no! You need to be assertive. If you are like me, you are scared of people not liking you / being cross with you . You just have to get over that and let them sulk if they want to!

shockers · 16/12/2009 18:10

ernest that's one of our favourites!slushy you should buy a copy 'for your DC's'... you would enjoy the message

slushy06 · 16/12/2009 18:23

Well I feel terrible now Friend came over and brought a nice home cooked meal for me that she made from scratch must of taken her a good two hours so I was a little harsh on her. But I can honestly say I had this moment of inspiration and I suddenly felt very arty and both me and my friend agreed that I did the best hair I have ever done.

It really suited her looked perfect for her hair and face in fact.

I thought I may send an email round saying that as I find time is hard come by these days if anyone wants me to do there hair I will now be charging here is my price list and maybe get my dp who is a web designer to make me a website . Then I don't feel guilty if I have to say no.

The reason people have got used to it is because I could do most styles by 13yo so I didn't charge because it was just a bit of fun then and I guess it just escalated. Also the odd person has offered money but I felt guilty taking money off one when I had done x free last week so it is my fault.

I am just so tired it is hard to say no because I don't want to fight. Now normally I am the first to stand up and say no but in this case I worry that people will think it only takes me five minutes and that I am being mean.

I am definitely going to put a stop to it as I could easily get a qualification in it and I find it v therapeutic but I haven't because I do it so much it put me off.

Thanks ladies for talking some sence into me I will now be putting my foot down.

OP posts:
slushy06 · 16/12/2009 18:25

Thanks again to all that replied I may try that book I could do with being more assertive and for any who wondered I don't even have the guts to say no let alone ruin someone's hair.

Right off to have my nice homemade meal .

OP posts:
biggirlsdontcry · 16/12/2009 18:39

ahh thats good slushy - enjoy

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