to not send ds(4) to party because...

[whoopstheregoesmymerkin]

I can't get a sitter for dd (2) who has clearly not been invited. I don't know any of the other mums apart from 2 who make me feel very uncomfortable and one of them is, to put it bluntly, a bitch behind my back.
So there will be tutting because dd will want to join in. And I will endure 2 hours of troll hell.
We have been to lots of parties in the last 2 weeks and ds doesn't know when this one is. he hasn't asked about it.
AIBU not to take him? I will of course send my apologies and drop a present off later.

If he is 4, could you leave him at the party on his own? Y are certainly NBU not to want to go yourself.

it's a mums stay one and tbh where it is I wouldn't want to leave him - door onto road etc, in a hall not a house...

Drop him off, then take DD for a walk at a local park, or somewhere nearby. Leave your mobile number with the birthday child's parents. At 4, he's old enough not to need you there all the time.

Then make life easier for yourself and don't go - doesn't sound like your ds will be bothered one way or the other.

He's been to alot of parties recently, sounds like it'll be a nightmare for you. Don't put yourself through it and take him somewhere lovely as a treat for you all.

If he's not that bothered, then I wouldn't take him. It's just not worth putting yourself through the pain, frankly! Those type of brace-yourself-for-glares-behind-your-back things are to be avoided as much as possible for mental health purposes, imo!

You could take him and DD out somewhere that they can both enjoy as a treat instead if you feel a bit bad about him missing the party.

Oops, sorry xpost with Imisssleeping

I wouldn't go (and I wouldn't drop a present off either. Am I mean? )

I'm with puppymonkey - if a DC doesn't go to a party we don't give a present either.

I wouldn't go either, but I would call first. It's very odd, this all-the-mums-stay thing, though I understand your safety concerns on this one. I'm surprised at the number of hostesses who tolerate it.

Agree with PM, no present.

Doesn't seem like he's going to be too bothered if at all so don't worry about it. Spend the money you had intended to spend on a present and treat both of your own children.

Same here, if you don't attend no need to buy a present. Use that money to do something with both your kids instead.

Peacocks, the boy is 4. I wouldn't have left my dd on her own at that age. OP, your ds is clearly not bothered about it or he would have asked when it was and what present you were going to buy. I wouldn't go, nor would I buy a present either. I am a big fat meany though.
YANBU

Yes, it's a generation thing. Only seven, eight years ago, parties for three year olds were normally drop offs ime. Things change. And this is different, with the door and the road anyway.

Glad it's not just me! Thank you for your replies. There will be 3 year olds to so bit young for leaving.

Also, if I knew the mum I would leave him. but I don't. This makes me uncomfortable.

I wouldn't go, save yourself as much stress as you can at this time of year.
I am loving your name BTW!

Re. parents staying - only one parent didn't stay at DS's 4th birthday party, 5 minutes later the boy had an asthma attack, no inhaler, and I had to call an ambulance. The parent had refused to leave a phone number just in case, the boy needed hospital treatment and in the end the police and social services got involved and everything. So I am TOTALLY happy for parents to stay!

FH. They actually refused when asked for their number? That's bad enough but knowing he could have a medical emergency and not be bothered, f**kin hell!

Am I reading that all wrong?

The parent refused to leave a number for emergancies? I would have been refusing to let their child through the door in that case!!!

wow fimble!what a nightmare why on earth wouldn't they leave a number?

what happened in the end? did they apologise profusely ?

It was the boy's dad who dropped him off, he didn't leave a number because he'd 'forgotten his mobile and was going out shopping and would be back in two hours bye' whooosh and out of the door he went. It was the first time I'd even met the boy, I had no idea he was asthmatic. Turned out the dad hadn't given him his preventor (?) all weekend either so no wonder he had an attack after 5 mins running about.

The little boy is absolutely lovely, loved being in the ambulance and was totally fine in the end. But because he didn't have a parent with him a policewoman had to accompany him to hospital as a Responsible Adult, and social services then get notified automatically.

The boy's mum was mortified (she is not with the dad, clearly because he is a twat!) and very apologetic even though it wasn't her fault at all - boy was at dads all weekend.

The boy's dad... well when he turned up at the party and I told him his DS was in hospital he just grunted and had a fag before going to get him. Then bitched about me behind my back saying I totally overreacted by calling an ambulance and totally blanked me from then on!

No one will EVER leave a child at a party I do now without a contact number!