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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I a meanie for not picking up dd on her last day of term?

24 replies

MaMight · 16/12/2009 08:28

Dd is 3.

Today is the last day of term and her Christmas party.

I have sent her in in fancy dress, with cards for all her little friends and presents for her teachers. I made party food for the party and remembered a carrier bag for all her art work.

I lift-share with a couple of other mums and it just happens not to be my turn to do the school run today. The other mums have been shocked that I didn't want to pick her up myself today.

I mean, I could pick her up, there is nothing stopping me, but it just hadn't occured to me that I would.

Dd is quite happy going in and coming home with the other families. I am fairly sure she didn't especially want me to pick her up today. I didn't think to ask her.

Now I've just got another email from someone assuming they'd see me today because I'll be picking dd up from the party...

Am starting to doubt myself.

Am I a meanie? Is it usual to pick them up and make a fuss on the last day of term? Is this another parenting rule that has passed me by?

OP posts:

Original poster

MaMight · 16/12/2009 08:42

I'm not being a meanie, am I.

This is a complete non-issue which is why no one is replying.

Case closed.

OP posts:

handbagqueen · 16/12/2009 08:44

I lift share, but at the end of term and birthdays I do pick up and drop off myself.
It just makes it a bit more special and they get to stay around the playground with their friends a little bit longer. But then again it is freezing outside......

sarah293 · 16/12/2009 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

upahill · 16/12/2009 09:08

No you are not being mean. Not sure why people would think you are?

My Ds is 10 and the only time I make a point of picking him up from school is on the very last day of term in the summer. I have done this since nursery days. I always take a picture on the first day of term and the very last day with teachers. Never bothered about half terms if it wasn't my turn to pick up.

Complete non issue!!

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 16/12/2009 09:10

I don't think you have really thought this through.

Original poster

MaMight · 16/12/2009 09:12

Why Hully?

OP posts:

FourArms · 16/12/2009 09:22

It wouldn't bother me particularly, but I know other mums feel differently. I think perhaps it's because DS1 is not my only child, or last child, so I know I've got more of these days to come!

CirrhosisByTheSea · 16/12/2009 09:26

Agree - complete non issue

You have provided her with the stuff to take part/have fun, and no doubt you will be interested in what she has to say when she gets home.

Happy, well treated kid - interested, involved parent - - - where is the problem in this scenario? Don't even give it a moment's thought!

merrycompo · 16/12/2009 09:27

God you are so lucky
we have to stay at the Xmas party at preschool (dd also 3)
it just makes normally non clingy kids like dd cling to mum instead of dancing which she would have done if I wasn't there, grrrr

littleducks · 16/12/2009 09:45

Don't you realise that its not that the other mums especiall want to pick up their children today its the opposite nobody wants to pick up other peoples children after a party, where they come out all hyped up and excited (so possibly wont behave) or could throw up in the car

You should go, dd wont feel left out the gate and it majorly ccuts down the likelihood of you cursing yourself all the holidays as your dds coat/scarf/toy/other crucial item is locked in a shut preschool

merrycompo · 16/12/2009 09:49

Good point littleducks
maybe they think you want to wish everyone merry Xmas in person too

ChloeHandbag · 16/12/2009 09:49

I would go. Mostly because I think small gestures like picking her up on the last day of term will always be remembered as special (even if it doesn't look like it). Also often people take their dc's out after school on the last day, so being lumbered with someone elses dc would be a pain. I do think it's a little mean not to go, however I will hold my hand up and say that my Mum rarely collected me from school so I over identify.

nickytwotimes · 16/12/2009 09:53

You are not being a meanie.

My 3 year old goes to pre-school by taxi with another wee girl - our village nursery shut, so the council have to provide transport.
I never pick him up.

He is 3. He likes things to be THE EXACT SAME every single day and he loves travelling with his little friend and his taxi escort. When I have gone to get him in the past, he has cried becasue he wanted to go with his pal.

I don't think htis is an issue at all.

TinselianAstra · 16/12/2009 09:54

You don't mind, your DD doesn't mind, so why would you? Unles the other parents are going to tell your DD that she should care ('oh porr you, why isn't Mummy here?' etc).

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 16/12/2009 09:57

That poor wee girl. All the other mummies so bright and Christmas cheerful, arms held wide in a welcoming hug, kisses and love. And then little DaughterMight, standing at the kerb, thumb in mouth and tear in eye, "Where's Mummy? Is Mummy coming here today?"

Whoops, came over all Tony Hancock for a minute there.

upahill · 16/12/2009 10:06

Stick to your routine. It's not like she's leaving school or even the end of a school year. It's half term for goodness sake. Bloody other mothers - they are brilliant at making you doubt yourself.

yummyyummyyummy · 16/12/2009 10:06

No i think its barmy to go if its someone else's turn.Nothing specuial about picking up on last day of term.Mine are coming home on the bus !

Original poster

MaMight · 16/12/2009 10:15

Like the Little Match Girl, Hully? A solitary tear frozen to her porcelain cheek as she watches all the mummies arrive through the gate, never losing hope that the next mummy will be hers?

OP posts:

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 16/12/2009 10:18

Yes, Ma. But specifically the poor Hungarian peasant girl, Magna Carta, who forced King John to sign the pledge at Runnymede.

Fennel · 16/12/2009 10:19

Don't let the other mothers make you feel guilty. It's normal for children of working parents, I don't always pick mine up and they don't mind. They're too busy bouncing off the walls and eating the chocolates their teachers give them and saying goodbye to their friends.

The only problem is if I'm not there to police it then the PE bags and sundry bits and pieces don't come home for the holidays, which is a pain for washing etc.

Eddas · 16/12/2009 10:33

only read op but I have 2 dc aged 5 and 2.6. I am beginning to learn that what happens with all this school/pre-school stuff is that whatever you do you are made to feel guilty. I started an AIBU thread re not wanting to write cards to all the pre-school children on behalf of ds, when really I knew that I shouldn't do it.

I have resolved from now on to go with what I think and stuff what the other mums are doing I am taking on my mum's mantra from when I was a child 'just because x is doing it do you think you should? If x jumped off a roof would you?' ! I used to roll my eyes at that saying but it's so true, just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean I need to.

My current issue is that dd has a christingle service tomorrow at 2, they are let home from the church straight after, but if parents aren't there they go back to school. I feel guilty (a) for not making the service and (b) for not taking dd home and making her walk back to school. But I'm at work. I left early last week to see the nativity and I just can't make everything. oh and I forgot (c) which came up after school yesterday, that the other mums will meet before the service for a drink

So YANBU to not pick her up. Parenting especially when they are at school/pre-school is just one long round of being made to feel quilty as other mums/dads make different decisions.

upahill · 16/12/2009 10:51

Eddas I think you are spot on.

I have already stated my POV but one further comment which is similar to Eddas's point is that I think whether you are a single parent with 1 child or with a partner and have lots of children that is your 'unit'. You don't have to follow other people way of doing things. Other people are fantastic at raising their eyebrows and making comments to make you wonder if you are doing the right thing. I long ago learned to toughen up!! Do what you think is Ok after all most of us are muddling through and doing the best we can and when you are stuck get advice but more often than not your instinct is usually the one to follow.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 16/12/2009 11:12

yes it's a good point

Often parents do the same stuff as eachother because they are actually nervous of being 'different'

And I think alot of unecessary pressure is put on. I wouldn't have batted an eyelid if my mum had not picked me up from this sort of thing - I would have chatted away when I got home about it, she would have made interested noises, everybody happy. I don't think kids think in that adult way "this is an important thing so my mum should pick me up". It's just projection imo. Adults think it's important, so it becomes so but isn't by definition!

upahill · 17/12/2009 16:16

MaMight.... what did you do in the end?

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