To be rather annoyed with my friend who bring her very poorly child to every event

[BooHooo]

DD had her birthday party a few weeks ago which went really well. A week later she came down with an awful cough/ fever which turned out to be a chest/ ear infection. I was talking about it to a friend who was present earlier this week who said with a big smile her face that her DD had a temp of 40 at the party with a dreadful cough. Looking back I remembered she looked very glazed over and flushed.

She does this a lot. She frequently infiorms me her DD had vomited that morning at playgroup, and DH remembered last year she brought her DS running a temp to a party too.

I am genuinely curious as to why a parent would do this, in any case, but to a social function where you really don't HAVE to be. I mean there were newborns present at the party, why would you put others at risk? I am assuming her children don't suffer these bugs too badly but DD almost had to be hospitalised as these things hit her really hard.

She doesn't seem to think it an issue in the slightest.

I dont get it either. My friends wee one hadnt been out of bed, was coughing, just sleeping and crying and she still brought him to my sons party - why?! He didnt enjoy it.

If my son has a fever I keep him at home (he's only 3) and tbh even if he just has a really bad cold I will text people we are meeting and give them the chance ot back out of meeting, dont mind at all.

It annoys me too.

Why drag your ill child out? Especially when they don't need to be! I know that when I'm ill I just want to sleep.

DD was supposed to go to a party on Sunday. She was really sick during the night so she didn't go!

I'd be well irritated by that. I remember when dd1 caught chicken pox from nursery- she was there two days a week- I called them up and they said "Oh, she's one of the last to get it then!" no mention AT ALL had been made of it; not even a casual mention "By the way a few of them have chicken pox".
If one of mine is ill I don't WANT to take them out anywhere, the whinging makes me want to poke my eardrums with a screwdriver, who ever wants to go out of the house when they're sick?

Cruel to the poor child and not nice for the other people there.

In the summer DS2 got a D&V bug. 24 hrs later I had it too. DS1 was due to go to a birthday party that afternoon. I did not let him. Even though he was fine at the time. I knew he would come down with it and my friends would not appreciate me sending him and making half of the village sick.

He did actually come down with the bug later that afternoon.

It is tricky though isn't it. You'd look a bit odd if you phoned her before the event to find out how the child was or wrote a reminder in the invitation that ailing children weren't to be brought.
YANBU.

YANBU. I get really irritated too, particularly as I also have a vulnerable (asthmatic) elder DD. Find its frequently the parentals who are most keen on endlessly photographing/videoing etc their DCs in school plays/parties etc who are most likely to send them into said events in what appears to be the final stages of consumption.

On the other hand children often at their most contagious just before any symptoms appear so (eg chicken pox outbreaks) you can't always blame a particular child.

YANBU. If it's something like a fever or vomiting, there's no excuse to expose others to it. If it's something like a fairly minor cough or cold then my friends and I tend to prewarn each other and let the other person decide if they want to go ahead with plans or not depending on how bothered we are by the chance of our own dc getting something.

YANBU. I always let friends know if one of my DCs is ill/grotty and we are meant to be meeting up. As all our DC spend so much time together we tend to go ahead anyway 9 times out of 10 but I would never not ask.

And I would never take an infectious child to a party or somewhere I don't know all the children - there could be children with all sorts of conditions I don't know about where catching a cold could be a lot more nasty for them.

I had a friend do this to my dd party, her older son was ill in the days leading up to the party (tummy bug) and was shocked when she turned up but she said he didn't want to miss it and was feeling better. She then let him eat loads of chocolate not even a sandwich to which he promptly threw it and back up all over my dining room floor!!!!

To and insult to injury she got up and left without even offering to clean up (not that I would have made her but an offer would have been nice lol)

YANBU. I used to have a next door neighbour like that - she would inform you after our Dcs had been playing together for an hour that they have just recovered (or still got) upset tummy, ear ache, cold, chicken pox, impetigo, conjunctivitis, delete as applicable.

Very selfish.

YANBU I have a few friends who do this, their children will always be back at school or nursery straight away after a tummmy bug. One mum even cleared up the vomit from her ds who had been sick in the car, sprayed him with perfume and took him into nursery.

I hate it when people do this. My youngest goes to a special school, and they are pretty strict about keeping children off when sick, as some of them are on oxygen etc and a chest infection could be very serious. It mght be an idea to put a note at the bottom of the invitation in future implying that kind of thing?

BH - suspect that given the week gap between your DD party and the illness that on this occasion your friend was innocent. But YANBU, this is terrible behaviour and I too can't bear people who do this.

How can we prevent it though? You would be viewed as a nutter if you put something on your invitations saying 'please don't bring a sick child to this event' unless you for example were known to have a child with an immune deficiency.

But I think it would be sensible to have a discussion with her if you were prepared to handle the grief you would get.

I think it comes down to selfishness in one form or another, whether that is because they want to go to the event or they don't want to have to deal with the hassle of whinging if they tell the dc they can't go.
There was a parent at a church I used to go to who put her children in the creche with chicken pox. She wrote a note and put it on the door telling people about it so she could go and sing in the band. It meant when people arrived, they had to decide whether or not to put there chldren in. Not what you need when you arrive. I kept mine out. She didn't have to be there, she was backing vocals and could have kept them at home.
Maybe I'm still a bit cross about this?

Maybe you could make a joke out of it, and check next time before hand if you see her- whether or not her dc were going to be sharing anything grim?

First post, so please be gentle! I think this is incredibly selfish and thoughtless behaviour. DD has auto-immune conditions and while I know I can?t protect her from every bug around, I do try to limit her exposure ? for example, a vomiting bug will almost invariably result in hospitalization.

I realise people can?t always accommodate our peculiar circumstances, but I think fair warning of a sick bug, flu, or an infection for which a child is on antibiotics is a reasonable expectation ? at least then we have the chance to make an informed decision about whether DD should skip the party.

YANBU. Parents who do this are beyond selfish. And it makes me very

I have cancelled meet ups with two lots of friends this week on the basis that DS nursery has a suspected outbreak of swine flu. One friend is pregnant, one has a 12 week old. DS has no symptoms, but I simply didn't want to risk it.

If I was in your shoes, I would outright tell this friend that you would appreciate warning if this ever happens again. People like this wont learn unless told IMO.

I hate this....it's the same thing as people who send their DC's to school with coughs, colds,tummy bugs, etc. I have a child with chronic asthma, who was off school for 2 weeks with a chest infection. Only when he was completely better did I send him back. He was on steroid tablets with his chest infection as it set off his asthma, which means he was mildly immune compromised. Half the class had coughs and colds, he's caught another one after only being back a week, and the GP is saying if this lot of antibiotics don't work, he will be admitted to hospital on Christmas eve. Why should his and my other dc's christmas be ruined because other parents are too selfish to keep their DC's at home when they're ill?? YANBU!!

Hi mattellie

I am in total agreement OP, YANBU

Coughs and colds, fair enough for children to socialise. Temperature, vomiting (unless because of being too greedy with the milk) or diarrhoea, no.

The latter three conditions are a lot more serious - the body is trying to purge itself - so are rightly treated as warning signs by nurseries.

YANBU, I hate this. My work colleague brought her DS and partner to a work family day thing - they both had D&V, she informs us when they're already there - 'hope no-one minds'

Over the next week, over half of my workmates were off sick, my DS caught it, passed it to my DP and then me.

That was a fun week for us all, I can tell you.