to have called DH a selfish prick and slammed the phone down on him?

[proverbial]

Ok here it is Jury;

DH works shifts. He does a week of lates then earlies, with rotating days off, also works most saturdays and some sundays. Thing is, he doesn't know what exact shift he's on until the night before. So he will tell me tonight if he starts at 11am, or 2pm, or 5pm. He could be on a split shift even.

All this means its very hard for me to plan anything, like doctors appts, hairdresser (as if), a night out, a tutorial at college anyhting that I might not be able to bring all 3 children to, as I never know if he will be home or not. I've got used to this and its annoying but we're happy he has a job these days kinda thing.

But, he has a chronic (but generally completely untroubling to him) condition which needs to be monitored regularly. he missed his 6 monthly appt at the hospital 2 weeks ago without telling me (as I would have gone mad at him), and a few days later experienced a mild reoccurance of some of his original symptoms, which he also didn't tell me at first. For the last 3 days he has been saying he will take the next day off of work and go to the hospital as a walk in, but has changed his mind each day.
This morning he said he would definitely go tomorrow, and take one child with him, and I made plans based on that.

Now I just rang him to check, and he says he's not going to go, he'll wait and see the GP next week. I am so angry at him for several reasons, in no particular order;

1. he has not thought about the fact that I might have made a plan having, for once, more than 6 hours notice of when he will be here, which I now have to cancel/
2. He doesn't involve me in important medical things like not going to appts, telling me about a symptom, deciding together when/if he should see someone 3)He is being cavalier with his health, being the sole wage earner and provider, and father of young children, this is completely irresponsible. He seems to think it is nothing, yet he spent 2 weeks in hospital 2 years ago having mri's, pet and cat scans, biopsy etc, when I had a 3 week old baby, and the 6 months having treatment.

I just blew up on him and called him a selfish prick (and worse) and put the phone down on him.
AIBU, or is he?

(namechanged cos he looks at MN when he thinks I'm not looking, but regular. penguins etc)

I does sound like he is being unreasonable but have you managed to get any idea why he keeps ignoring or cancelling appointments? Could he be worried/scared about it?

It does sound like he is being unreasonable but have you managed to get any idea why he keeps ignoring or cancelling appointments? Could he be worried/scared about it?

He is being cavalier with his health.

You overreacted

I can see why you are frustrated with him. He is behaving childishly. Trouble is, he won't see it the way you see it. And it is very hard to make him see it from your point of view. (or even if he does, he won't admit it).

btw "regular. penguins etc." had me lol.

frankly he is adult if he choses to utilise denial ansd work excuses to be avoidant about appts then no amount of squabbling and phone slamming will change his mind.in fact likely to make him more entrenched

leave this be for a few days, and calmly and without shouting and recrimination try get to bottom of why is i s being avoidant,because he is avoiding this

his defence mechanisms are kicking in and he aint listening.that is why he presents as cavalier. denial aint just a river in egypt

maybe deep down (or not so deep) he is a very scared man.scared of losing his wife,kids ,health

trying to exert and regain some control

is his condition supported by outpatients?do they offer support advice.could he get additional support form them.will they monitor and note absebnce from appts

YANBU
Is he scared maybe doesn't want to admit it?

It is frustrating when someone you love is not acting in their own best interests, but if he is the type to dig his heels in when pushed, getting angry may do more harm than good. I understand why you want to take him and give him a good shake though (about the health, the work issue is not something within his control so be mad at the job, not him

He is bu.

I do wonder about peoples other halfs looking on mumsnet. obv not those who are members themselves and like a chat, but it does make me uneasy to think opf people being monitered by their partners. Its like some posters are scared to chat about stuff. Hope thats not you.

too simplistic to reduce this too he is BU

he is a scared man,fear causes irrationality of thought and behaviour

NO! You are NOT BU. After all it's all about you isn't it Eh