to wonder exactly HOW much a tuneless rendition of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" is worth?

[morningpaper]

What's the going rate in your neck of the woods?

Nothing - I dont open the door!

Nowt. Only if thet could sing more than 1 verse of a traditional carol would I even consider it.

Our church is out Carol singing tonight - with no collecting tin, just singing for the message of Christmas around the estate.

MP I posted this a little while ago, but its a favourite story of mine.

A friend of ours opened the door to two stroppy looking teengage girls one Christmas. They tunelessly sang the first line of 'We Wish you a Merry Christmas' then held out their hands for money.

'But you haven't even sung the whole song' he protested.

They looked him up and down with total contempt, then one of them said 'Aww go on, you fucker.'

The true spirit of Christmas

absolutely nothing

if they have an actual charity tin I say 'oh go on, sing another one' and donate if they can come up with the goods.

a handful of chocolate?

Don;t get carol singers here.

I wonder which parts of the country do get carol singers and which don't.

I'll start

none in central Scotland

My mother used to insist on them singing all the verses, and wouldn't count "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" as a proper carol. She would also ask to see a proper collecting tin, from a registered charity.

We used to hide behind the curtain in shame, but I totally get where she was coming from now, as I have been known to demand the same.

Word seems to have got around, though, as we get no calls chez Clam these days.

Right well I am doling out chocolate coins

I gave 70p to the boy who claimed to be my paperboy - it went like this:

(3 boys around 13? hands in pockets, looking at the floor)

BOYS: Wewishyouamerrychristmaswewishyouamerrychristmas andahappynewyear
ME : Very good boys. You do know that I'm only handing out chocolate coins, don't you?
BOY1 : Yeah but he's your paperboy! We thought you should meet your paperboy!
BOY2: Yeah yeah yeah!
ME: My paperboy eh? What paper do I read then?
BOY3 (in v. squeaky voice): The Guardian innit!

So I parted with 70p for Paperboy plus chocolate coins for the other lads.

I think I shall distribute chocolate coins only though, as a rule.

Aww we get lovely Carol singers - all from the village (It's a bit Larkrise to Candleford I'll grant you but that's why I like living here!) and I take them home made mince pies out. It's not done for Charity though, the Charity collection is done at the Church Carol Service.

Sounds like lots of people experiencing Carol singers making a bit of extra Christmas money though...

We don't get any here . I'd be pleased even to get the 'We wish you a Merry Christmas'

'Here' being a nice village in Lancashire, the sort of place one might have expected singers.

I don't give any money for 'We wish you a Merry Christmas' I stop them and tell them that I am bored rigid with it and want something different-I then quickly say 'and not Jingle Bells'! This stumps most of them although some manage to get through Away in a Manger, but I only pay up for the entire carol and they slow down after verse one and most can't do verse three. I then sugggest that it might be a good idea to learn some carols before they go carol singing! One lot actually came back having mastered all of Away in a Manger so I gave them something for determination!
My DSs used to love my confrontations but last year we didn't have any-either they are all older or word has got around that it isn't worth the hassle!

Blimey Piscesmoon that is HARDCORE

one pound.

if under 13, also sweets!

We get the local rotary club round, they have a dismal looking grotty grotto thing made of painted MDF with tacky lights on it and play recorded music, they bang on your door and hang about outside Tescos in very feeble santa suits - the whole thing is second rate and tacky and unseasonal and I hate it - I never give them anything and just wish they would dress up properly and actually sing! Now, the local Silver Band play and look happy and talk to you - gave them a fiver. So, Stonehouse Rotary Club - get your act togerther next year if you don't want a Bah Humbug from me.

So my answer if - don't give anything to anyone who isn't trying

I am friendly if I open the door to anything that isn't 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas' or 'Jingle Bells'. Christmas spirit is lacking, I'm afraid, if they go carol singing without knowing a carol!