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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my sister was a bit rude and she should be bloody grateful for what she gets!

20 replies

clankypanky · 14/12/2009 12:56

Will probably contradict myself here but never mind. I was just on the phone to my sister who I love to bits by the way. We were being a bit mean and having a little bitch about my other sister who has moaned she cannot afford to buy us presents when we know full well that she is going out on the piss all the time...our point being if she can afford to go out and get lashed she can afford to buy us a present. I then said 'Im sure she could do something if she really wants to, even if its making something' Last year I made jams made from fruits from my garden, plus wine, beer, chocolates, socks....lots of little things that were inexpensive but useful and nice (imo). We did this because we dont have loads of money to spend. Anyway, back to the point. She then said, 'Oh god, you're not making us jam are you I dont want that, I dont eat that stuff.'

I was a bit gutted but laughed it off and said well I have got some things for you like that but not specifically jam! To be precise we have for them: wine, beer, chocolate, chutney, beautiful flavoured oils and vinegars, hom emade rocky road, homemade lemondrizzle cake and home made fudge. Actually some eyeshadow too.

Ive gone to so much trouble but now doubting myself and have quickly started looking for something more shop brought lavish to give to her, but right now I am feeling so disillusioned by Christmas, the expense and spending money on crap that they might not want. The idea behind my presents was that every time they eat or use it they will think 'oh this is nice, its from my sister'...I am big foodie though so appreciate maybe its the kind of thing i would like to receive! Am I being unreasonable though to think she should just get what shes given?!

OP posts:

traceybath · 14/12/2009 12:59

Well you said it yourself you are sort of contradicting yourself .

Homemade gifts are lovely if people appreciate them but a waste of time/money/effort if they don't.

So perhaps next christmas spend the money you'd have spent on ingredients on a small present for her.

nannynobnobs · 14/12/2009 13:01

At least she was honest saying she doesn't eat it, she was probably thinking you were giving her jars of jam and nowt else! I'd be thrilled to get the lovely things you've made for her and no doubt she will be too. It sounds gorgeous- homemade fudge AND cake AND rocky road?

Original poster

clankypanky · 14/12/2009 13:01

I think if I d have known I would have done but its a bit late now...personally I dont think id ever complain about a gift because I think its a bit rude

OP posts:

mistletoekisses · 14/12/2009 13:03

Can I ask..is your sister a singleton? And do you have a family of your own?

The reason I ask is that in my pre DH/ DS days; if someone had given me homemade jam, it simply would not have floated my boat. Food was not the family time it is now, but simply fuel that i grabbed on the go. The pickles/ jams would have gone to waste.

Now that I have a family - it would be very much appreciated.

Thats just me. I dont think YANBU, but if she is different to you, then maybe you need to tailor your gifts to her a little.

Original poster

clankypanky · 14/12/2009 13:06

I have a family, she is a step Mum and has the children every weekend so I can see your point....but I had thought that wine, beer plus make up sort of floated all boats as it were. Its not like I only give home made stuff...they are an added bonus!

OP posts:

ArizonaBarker · 14/12/2009 13:09

Well, if she doesn't want it, I'll have it.
Sounds lovely.

Iklboodolphtherednosereindeer · 14/12/2009 13:10

Clanky can I be your sister? I'd love all that - especially if it was in a nice wicker basket thing or even just a cardboard box with crepe paper or something (I'm convinced I lived in the 40's)

Stripycat23 · 14/12/2009 13:12

Oooo can I have the rocky road then

Could be your sis simply doesn't like jam. As you're not including jam this time - no problem. She's been crass mentioning she didn't like the jam last year (and therefore didn't like your present) but it could be unintentional foot and mouth on her part.

Does she drink & like chocolate & cake? Bet she does. Stick with your present clankypanky.

[beggar just talked myself out of the rocky road ]

Original poster

clankypanky · 14/12/2009 13:13

Thnaks arizonabarker....God I always find out I am being unreasonable on this forum even when Im so convinced Im not! Right shes not having the bloody stuff. Im just a bit gutted, Id thought Id finished with the Christmas spending and now I'll have to go and panic buy purchase something else! For sure I wont make the same mistake next year!

OP posts:

Stripycat23 · 14/12/2009 13:13

foot in mouth even

Stripycat23 · 14/12/2009 13:14

no no no no no!!!!

Send your sis your present!

Original poster

clankypanky · 14/12/2009 13:16

maybe i'll take out the lovely oils and chutney and replace with something but still give the rest

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 14/12/2009 13:18

clanky - chuck it over here then!

Stripycat23 · 14/12/2009 13:21

Keep them in. You said you were both having a little bitch (ie you're in a gang of two against someone). In those circumstances she may have felt she could tell you that she didn't like jam.

Send her your present as you intended. After Christmas ask her what she liked/didn't like. She may or may not like chutney/oils but she may or may not like what you buy from the shops.

cumbria81 · 14/12/2009 14:03

I think the homemade stuff sounds really nice and if I were your sister I would be really touched you'd gone to the effort.

However, no one in our family eats jam so it would have gone a bit to waste.

HappyMummyOfOne · 14/12/2009 14:23

Whilst getting a present is lovely, I would be tempted to say something too if I knew you were making something I didn't like - I wouldn't want someone to go to trouble knowing it would get wasted. Only as you're sisters though and I think you can be a little more honest with close family re gifts.

globex · 14/12/2009 14:27

I would definitely appreciate it now.

However -
my husbands family write Christmas lists every year where everyone puts down what they want and a URL of where to get it (I know, I know). Despite faithfully doing this and faithfully buying the SILs presents from their lists I am ALWAYS being given homemade 'food hamper' type gifts instead.

This annoys me for many reasons. The main one being the cheapness of the present - a £3 bottle of wine from ASDA, some pickles and some homemade fudge don't compare with a £25 voucher - esp as the voucher recipient gets to buy whatever they want. Its not fair! Booo!

FakePlasticChristmasTrees · 14/12/2009 14:47

I do think it's not the best to give a gift that is something you'd like to recieve, rather than trying to get something they would like to recieve. You say you're a foodie, but honestly, is she?

If you would say she is, then it's a good gift, if not, it's a gift for yourself, not a gift for your sister.

Either way, I'd go with it this year, but next year give her something that she would like, not something you would like.

deaddei · 14/12/2009 15:46

I would not appreciate homemade food- I don't eat jams, chutneys, cakes etc- so it would all be a waste. I actually don't want anything from relatives for Xmas- so we don't do presents. It all got a bit embarrassing in the end.

Stigaloid · 14/12/2009 15:51

You say you wont complain about a gift because it is rude but you complain your other sister isn't spending enough on you because she is out drinking?

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