to tell people how it's going to be at Christmas

[fruitsticksinyourstocking]

I'm getting increasingly grumpy about Christmas.

I have 2 DSs 3 and 10 months. My parents have both died and DHs mother also died (at Christmas) so it's always a bit of an emotional time.

This year my sister (who has grown up children and has always done Christmas since my mother died) suggested it would be better if everyone (my brother, DH's Dad and brother included) came to us for Christmas dinner, so 12 people plus baby in all. That way, we wouldn't be split between 2 families and wouldn't have to cart DSs around. She offered to cook the turkey and bring it with her, and we can do everything else.

So far so good. But now I feel like I'm doing all the work and am least able to. Added to this, DH was made redundant a few weeks ago so we're skint. We've told people what we expect them to bring (BIL crackers etc) but I'm starting to get grumpier and grumpier. I spent all afternoon getting into such a tizzy about it as I feel I have taken on far too much with 2 little ones to contend with too.

The final straw today was when I asked my sister if we could go through everything so I didn't forget anything and she said 'how on earth do you think people have done Christmas all these years?'.

She then asked what time lunch would be. I said 2pm. She said that was too late for everyone and it should be 1pm. I tried to say 2pm fitted in better with DS2 but she dismissed these saying he could sleep at the table or someone 'could take him for a walk in the pushchair'

Now, surely I should be allowed to say what time I am cooking lunch for. I want to be able to spend time with DSs in the morning without having to rush around peeling veg. I would also like DS2 to have a remote chance of going down for a nap before everyone arrives. Also, given that everyone is staying until late in the evening, I'm not in a hurry to have them arrive.

I know I'm overreacting but the whole thing is sending me over the edge and I just want to enjoy Christmas and, if people are coming to my house they can do as they are told!

It's just a big Sunday lunch really isn't it. Why am I getting into such a state?

and breathe.

YANBU - stick to what suits you best if you've been lumped with the hosting. 2pm isn't late at all - most people aren't even close to sitting down for Christmas dinner at 2pm, let alone 1pm!! I've never had Christmas dinner before about 3pm in the past!
Take a deep breath, yes, it's just a sunday roast with a few extra festive bits added but make sure you set your boundaries so you don't feel under undue pressure anymore - and good luck!

2pm is fine! Peel your veg the day before whilst listening to Carols at Kings on the radio and leave it in cold water and be ruthless about asking people to bring stuff!

fruitsticks
I'm going to be parboiling my spuds tomorrow and then cooling and freezing them. They then roast from forzen and mkake the most perfect crispy on outside, fluffy on inside roasties that everyone will exclaim about!
Do everything you can in advance, cheat where you can (add a bit of port and marmalade to a bought cranberry sauce, buy the stuffing, gravy and anything else you can't face making)

• and don't serve it up a minute before 2.30pm

Yanbu this is your home and as such people should respect the host/hostess wishes as they are guests. your sister sounds like a real bossy boots. As much as you may love her do stand your ground and if she utters just one complaint call it off and have christmas with your own gorgeous kiddies and Dh say say tea time is better for them to come round or even boxing day and just do a buffet thing. after all there are supposed to be twelve days of christmas not just the one.

It can be stressful with little ones. I completely understand your need to spend time with them on xmas morning and not be charging around preparing lunch for the masses, particularly as your 3 year old will be more into it this year. I think you should definitely set the agenda here and tell everyone the time to arrive, time to eat etc. It's your house.

I remember doing xmas lunch at my house when my twins were about 18 months and both a bit poorly. Dh was doing his best to entertain/console them whilst I dashed about in the kitchen, but they only really wanted mummy at the time and kept crying and hanging on to my legs whilst I was cooking, it was all mega stressful and then when I served dinner, DH's aunt moaned that the plates were cold!

Your house, you call the shots. Presume this is a big sister you don't normally stand up to by the way she talks to you? I'm a big sister, but if my sister was doing dinner then she gets to decide what time we eat and what we eat. If big sis doesn't like it she can always do her own dinner at home.
We usually eat nearer 2.30-3 as well.
Just do some snacks for a starter you can put out with drinks eg smoked salmon rolled in brown bread if people think they'll be hungry.

YANBU - your sister is. Sounds like she has a bee in her bonnet about having "had" to do Xmas for however long "and now it's someone else's turn...." Why can't she be gracious about you asking for advice? I'd be flattered if I were her. And I agree you are totally entitled to decide what time you all eat if dinner is at your house.

If it's any help, something I have learned after cooking many, many Xmas dinners (2 every year for about 5 years) is that loads of it can be done in advance. Yes assembling it all at the last minute is a bit of an effort and can be stressful but go minimal and you will be fine. Things like stuffing and sausages can be cooked in advance, kept warm and re-heated at the last minute so you don't have to make room for everything in the oven at once. Like other poster said, prep all your veg the day/night before and do any sauces then too. And be brave enough to dole out jobs to people or shoo them all out of the kitchen and leave you to get on with it depending on your preference.

All of the above added by way of helpful support; not intended as patronising lecture on how to cook if you don't need it! Good luck!

Get everyone involved in doing tasks eg. someone peeling veg. someone looking after dc etc. I have been cooking Christmas lunch for 19 years and it is the only way, plus it is more fun as everyone is involved.

We eat our Christmas dinner at 6pm.
She dumped it on you, so you get to say what happens. She's a guest, she should bring booze, food and manners.

If your sister isn´t doing Christmas this year, she doesn´t get to dictate how it´s done!

I know it´s too late this year,but would it really be so awful if the families split a little?

I suspect that your sister resents being relied on to host every year but doesn't want to give up control.

Do what you want. And if she complains tell her that if she wanted to be in control she should have hosted.

Also, IMO if you are having lunch at someone elses house you eat when they serve and be happy about it!

you needto relax

do ALL the veg the night before - leave it in the pans on the cooker in water with lids on so it's ready to cook when the roast is coming together.

Also, remember you really only "need" 3 or 4 veg (we do roast carrots, parsnips, broccoli and sprouts or peas for those that don't like sprouts), roast spuds, meat, pigs in blankets and sauces, stuffing and gravy - don't go in for all this two types of spud etc

Then, wake up chilled and relaxed, enjoy the kids and dont worry about having to do heaps of things in the morning ... you could also do the turkey the night before and just warm it up in a foil envelope when the spuds go in (it won't dry out)

Get your husband to do it

at least that is what i am doing this year but then again i am due to give birth in 3 days so i have an excuse.

you're just stressed and it's not surprising with all that lot descending on you.

but think about how fab it will be - all together

don't get all flustered about it, keep it all simple - its nicer that way - we only do 2 veg, roasties, stuffing an the main event whatever that is but if it is all delicious its much nicer than 60 different veg.

let everyone know dinner will be at 3pm (give yourself some tolerance) and they can arrive at whatever time you designate. have some nibbles available. and they can have elevenses before they set off.

and don't get grumpy and stroppy - i find pretending you are serene and superconfident works wonders.

2pm is only late if you've starved yourself all morning in order to build an appetite. So, some nibbles and dips should sort that.

We've taken to eating at about 4pm or later. That means it's getting dark so the table looks lovely in candlelight. Plus, we can have a big family breakfast at about 10, then hit the Champagne as we open presents after that. No-one has to keep rushing off to check on veg whilst we're doing them. Quick walk after that and everyone pitches in to help if required.

Bottom line is, it's your house, your rules. Your sister "decided" it would be better there, (better for whom, I wonder?) So she needs to suck it up that certain things will be different from round at hers.

Good luck. Im sure it will be lovely.

op, I too have a big sister a lot older than me who knows everything better than me

just do what suits you and stick to your guns

As people arrive, give them jobs - peeling spuds, prepping sprouts, mixing sauces etc. Then you can just take an advisory and supervisory role.

No one can tell you when you're going to eat in your own house. If your sis won't cooperate and brings turkey ready for 1pm then she'll just have to find a way of keeping it warm until 2pm.

Stick to your guns. It's at your house, it's going to go your way.

Now take away curry sounds like an excelletn plan Riven fair play to you for sitcking to your guns!

We have xmas dinner late as well - normally about 3 or so as everyone has already been picking at chocolate and stuff and as mum's doing it gives her time to relax first too and spend time with the kids instead of being stuck in the kitchen. That said she won't accept help and we are in the way if we try!

Most of the chefs only do one or two sides with a turkey/roast so goodness why the rest of us stress about having every vegetable under the sun!

Another idea is to steam the veg as it takes up less room and less washing up. Or roast carrots and parsnips together in a little honey or maple syrup if you have room in the oven.

If you stick to your guns this time next time won't be such a battle, but if you give in then they know they can get you to do that. Think of it like training children to behave

Tell everyone the time it is going to be. Assign them all food to bring and open a bottle.

Oi! DISPLAY - LOOK HERE. Am intrigued by the pre-boiling and freezing of spuds idea. Details please. Do you do the really salty water and then wait for them to go cold completely? Then into hot oil?

you have all made me feel so much much better. Thank you.

DH is great in the kitchen so we are going to try and get as much one ahead of time.

I told him about the frozen spuds and veg prepped the night before and he said 'nah, you're alright .... maybe the carrots!'

I shall work on that, or at least he can spend the morning peeling them while I play with DS's new toys!

ME TOO I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT FREEZING THE SPUDS

Do not get stressed about it.
Your sis is bringing turkey which is always the biggest faff and expense ( ask her to stuff it).
BIL bringing crackers.
All you need are spuds ( do in advance ) frozen peas ( add butter to tart them up a bit), another vegie ( carrots with butter, sprouts with a bit of bacon, green beans ready trimmed, parsnips in honey or maple...chose one only).
As for pudding - if you haven't made it, worry not - the stores are full of really good ones on special offer and everyone only eats a little don't they? Offer custard, ice cream or cream, but only one choice - if you're looking not to overspend, this is where it can add up and waste.

As for timings - compromise - 1.30-1.45 ( which in reality is 2pm by the time you actually serve up and eat). And don't let her kid you that turkey will be ruined it can rest for at least an hour with no ill effects.