to let my children wander around the city centre in broad daylight?

[Northernlebkuchen]

Talking to a friend about plans coming up for Christmas I mentioned that I have one day scheduled for Christmas shopping after the kids break up from school and we will all go in to town together and then dd1 (rising 12) & dd2 (9 next month) will go off and do their mooching at shops and I'll do mine and we'll meet then do some more seperate shopping etc etc. They will probably be away from me for about 1/2 an hour at the most at a time and will be in a totally car free area. They are sensible and confident and it never occurred to me NOT to do this now dd1 goes to and from school by herself. In fact, a few weeks ago dd1 got the bus in to the city centre by herself, bought her friends birthday present then got the bus home alone. I was a little bit apprehensive about that but she's very independant and I like that. Now my friend's reaction is worrying me a bit - AIBU?

Seems perfectly reasonable to me, you know and trust your dds. Nice opportunity for them to be a bit independent, presumably DD1 has a mobile for emergencies?

My dd is 11 and I take her into town, often with one or two of her friends, then I have a wonder on my own and meet them all at a pre-arranged place and time and take them home. They LOVE this more than anything else.

I know a 12 year old who gets on the bus on her own or with friends and goes into town.

I think it's fine as long as they're sensible and you have put in the preparation. (Knowing the bus stops, where to avoid etc) It also helps if they have a mobile so you feel connected.

No she doesn't have a mobile (yet ) but she knows my number and would have money for a payphone which the city centre is liberally provided with. It is a very safe area and they know what do if lost or concerned. They are very reliable.

FWIW I feel far too many parents are far too reticent about giving their children the freedom they need to learn things for themselves. I can't believe how many parents still walk their 11 year olds to school for example, and how few will let older children (say 10/11 year olds) walk their younger sibings home.

We do live less than a mile from school though so maybe it's different if you live further away.

Surely though shopping with friends is one of the best fun activities possible for 10 -14 year olds.

Wow, I've got all this to worry about to come.

When we were small we were out and about in and out of town on the bus from probably about 9 or 10. Used to roam freely in our village as well only coming home from tea.

Times really have changed.

YANBU

9 sounds a little young to me for this kind of thing, but you know your own children.

My mother, a wise old bird, firmly told me that 10 was 'the right age' for being allowed to get the bus into town alone for shopping (no idea where she got the '10' from) but it was the right time for me (not a terribly independent child) - I did fine and loved the freedom - and the following year I had to get the bus to secondary school of course, which meant a change of buses in the city centre and often a bit of hanging around waiting with time to look at the shops, for which I was now quite prepared and able to deal with.

So in my mind I'm certain that a 12-year-old and her sister in the circs you describe would be fine, though these days I'd probably think a mobile would be a good idea (since there is the convenience of mobiles these days) but if you don't have one (to lend them maybe?) as you say there are always callboxes, which we had to make do with for many, many years!

They are probably going to buy your pressie - always to be encouraged

Only you can judge how responsible your children are. It all sounds perfectly reasonable to me. 12 is fine, and if she is responsible enough to watch the 9 year old there is no problem. Also a mobile isn't necessary, my sister got seperated from her friends in town before and she just went into the nearest shop and they were kind enough to let her use the phone (she was younger than 12 and too young to be in town IMO, but hey ho).

YANBU...aslong as they know the area and won't get lost.

I think that's perfectly reasonable. My dd (just 12) has been doing this for a while now. She walks into town and meets her friends on a Saturday where they spend the afternoon trying on hats and messing about. Just like we used to

You know what your children can be trusted with, I think. I refuse to not allow my dc to have a childhood by being scared of everything.

Thanks all - no they won't get lost. It's our home city and they know it like the back of their hands. Ok I feel better about it now I wouldn't let dd2 do it alone though but as a pair (and they get on very well) it's a different matter.

It depends where you live. EG I was allowed to travel to town, wander about and come home from when I started secondary school, but that was Preston, which is a pretty small city. Not sure when i will let my kids go into Newcastle alone though.

Your plan sounds entirely ok though, as you will be so nearby, although I personally would lend them a mobile so you could ring them if need be. Just get a cheapie one (or dig out an old one) and keep it for times like this.

it seems a very British thing to worry so much about children being independent - i've moved to Germany from the UK this year and the differences are staggering. Children are encouraged to be independent - even the youngest children (6 and 7) are expected to get home from school on their own - for half that involves getting the school bus but the other half have to walk a good 15 mins into the town before they are nearly home.

Children are often seen walking through the town at the weekend and no-one bats an eyelid at it.

You know you're dc and you'll know if this is a safe situation for them. Encouraging them to be independent in a safe and responsible way is so much better for them as adults than never letting them out your sight!

Of course YANBU! The 11 yr old is plenty old enough and able to look after her sister. You are talking about half an hour in a place they know well, car free in broad daylight!! Your friend's attitude is far more damaging-ignore.

You do not need a phone for half an hour when you are nearby! The world really has gone mad! When I was that age I regularly spent time after school before getting the bus home and there were no mobile phones!

Your friend just wont be as confident as you in city centres. I wouldn't allow my children to be alond in a CC at that age but that is because I am not used to CCs and they wont be either because of where we live. You are clearly in a different situation.

Me and my sister used to do it at that age. You will have to spell out to both though that if there's a disagreement about which shop to go to, they are not to separate. Tell dd2 dd1 is in charge and privately say to dd1 that it's more important she sticks with dd2 than gets to be in charge - even if dd2 wants to go somewhere annoying.

I don't think they NEED a phone at all, I just think it could be handy, and it seems daft not to give them a temporary one when they are so cheap. Just for things like perhaps getting stuck in a queue and wanting to meet them five minutes later or something. Just make it an obviously cheap, rubbish one and tell them not to flash it about.

My DS did it on his own when he was about 9/10 and we misunderstood where we were meeting! It was a shopping mall and my DS did the sensible thing and found a security guard who reunited us. He wasn't traumatised and that sort of thing is very good for building self confidence. It is much better than the message that the world is a terrible place and not safe unless 'mummy guards you'. I had gone through 'what would you do if...' and so he just put it into operation.