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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to not really want to go out without my baby?

60 replies

jaggythistle · 13/12/2009 15:29

A lot of people seem to think that all new parents will soon want a 'break' from their baby to get out somewhere.

This just isn't me. I am a bit of a homebody I suppose and don't get out much, but that's because H and I are happiest at home. (with a bottle of wine, perhaps)

When our S was less than a week old, my in-laws became obsessed with the idea that we needed to get a break and 'get out of the bubble at home'. They thought it was a great idea for us to go out for lunch and leave him with them. Bearing in mind I'd had an emergency c-section and been out of hospital about 4 days, so didn't really feel like 'doing lunch'. He was also exclusively bf so not all that convenient..

I'm sure they meant well, but it really stressed me out at the time, when they kept going on and on.

We have since taken him out to restaurants/cafes with us instead, which I think may have shocked them. He was fine by the way - except he wanted to eat too every time, so I had to be brave as I hadn't bf in public before!

We love spending time with him, and are in no hurry to get rid of him for the evening yet (he is almost 3 months now).

Am I strange to not be dying to get away from him?

He is a very 'good' baby, he (touch wood) sleeps well and only gets upset when he is overtired or hungry. He is fairly smiley and chatty now too. Maybe if he was less settled it would be a different story?

OP posts:
Firawla · 13/12/2009 18:54

yanbu, 3 months is very young to be wanting a break yet
just tell them no, thanks for the offer but you feel he is too young, if/when u feel ready in future to need a day or night out and leave him with them, you will remember their offer and be grateful for it, but for now you are okay to keep him with you
im sure you can say it without offending, its nothing personal to them
and one day u may feel happy for their offer, when ur dc is a bit older
i never really left mine with anyone til after age 1 but now he is 1 and a half i feel fine with him going out with my mum, going over to inlaws house for an afternoon, i know he is okay and not upset to be without me for a bit now, and i get to relax and take a break, so its fine. u just @ sometime get to the stage where u will feel okay with it but no need to rush urself

skidoodle · 13/12/2009 19:09

Like you, when DD was a baby, I didn't really have any interest in "getting away" for a night.

Unlike your DS, she was always an utter nightmare when we went for lunch, so count yourself lucky that you have that going for you

I had an EMCS too with DD was breastfeeding and I just found it took much longer to be in the place where I felt I wanted to be going out than it seemed to for other mothers I knew. I can't even remember now how old she was the first time I went out without her, but probably older than 6 months.

slushy06 · 13/12/2009 19:18

Yanbu I hate being without the dc ds nearly 4 and dd 5 mths I have not left them apart from 3 times twice with my dp for me to get drunk and once with my mum to give birth.

I have been nagged to go out but I don't want I take her to both grandparents regularly and I let them see to them and play with them while I read a book I am happy and not wanting to go out is just as valid as those who want a break imo just different ways and neither are right or wrong.

You may want to go out in a year but you may not and really it is up to you IMO.

Spectroscopy · 13/12/2009 19:28

YANBU

I found it more work/stress to be away from DS when he was BF, too.

I think your IL's are just being very kind. I am sure you will appreciate it in 12 months or so. When DS was about 15mths + then the idea of a couple of hours of grown-up time during the day made me blissfully happy. All I can say is don't burn any bridges!

Yes, it may well be different if he was a more demanding baby. I have a couple of friends whose second/third was a real shock to the system!

Imisssleeping · 13/12/2009 19:30

yanbu at all

the thought of going out for about the first 14 months was extremely unappealing.
Now he is 18 months I have left him with lots of different friends and he's been fine.
I honestly never thought I'd want to go out again but like alot have said you will probably begin to feel differently.

That new baby bubble is a lovely place to be so enjoy your time and do exactly what you want to do.

girlsyearapart · 13/12/2009 19:39

yanbu but if they'd like my phone number for some 'quality' children time pass it on.

Toddlers are tiring.

Ilovemybed · 13/12/2009 20:03

PMSL! He's tiny, cute and 100% manageable. Wait till he's 3yo then you will be at this thread!

YANBU but you do sound rather smug.

Undercovasanta · 13/12/2009 20:04

YANBU. I didn't leave DD for any length of time (apart from with DH whilst i dashed to the shops) until she was about 4 months old and I went out for the evening with friends and left DD with DH. I didn't leave her with anyone apart from DH until she was about 9 months old. It wasn't a conscious choice it was just as a result of bfeeding and no relatives nearby.
I left DS for the first time when he was 4mo and I stayed away overnight to go to a very close friends wedding. My boobs nearly exploded, I spent half the night expressing, and struggled to stop myself crawling off for a sleep at about 9pm!

BlackLetterDay · 13/12/2009 20:09

YANBU my Ds is 7 weeks old and personally I can't wait for a night out. But then again it will only happen if I take advantage of my sister visiting at xmas (I don't have any friends or babysitters ) Also ds is my dc3, it's not so much him I need a break from but my noisy boisterous 3 and 6 yo's. Can understand not wanting to leave them.

Although I did leave my pfb for a night with my sister to go and see Radiohead in Newcastle when she was only 2 months. So perhaps I am a shit mother.

traceybath · 13/12/2009 20:15

YANBU.

DC3 is nearly 5 months and she's practically surgically attached. She's bf and feeds a lot.

I was actually more desperate for child-free time with dc1 as so overwhelmed with the whole thing. But with dc3 I'm just enjoying every minute.

Its a short part of my life and I know that by the summer - I'll be happy to leave all my children with a babysitter.

AnathemaDevice · 13/12/2009 20:39

YANBU
I've spent an hour out of the house without 8 month old DS, and that was for a dentist appointment.
I've been thinking that, after Christmas, maybe DH and I will go out for an hour in the evening while my mum babysits. But only maybe, I really don't want to be away from him just yet. I've got the rest of my life for nights out, and I've already got years of me time behind me. DS won't be a baby for very long. (Yes, I'm aware that I'm very PFB, but I don't care- he is my PFB!)

YanknChristmasCrackers · 13/12/2009 20:49

YANBU. I feel the same about 16 week old DS. Difference is I don't have anyone pushing babysitting services on me! I have one or two people I could ask, but we like taking DS everywhere. He's a very portable baby, just happy to sit and grin at everyone. As long as he's fed and changed, he doesn't mind.

I'm really surprised the ILs thought you should go out without him in the first week!

I know at some point it won't be like this. Once he's more mobile I can see it being a lot harder to take him out. But for now, we like him with us and have our 'couple time' when he goes to bed (and when I'm not MNing).

bluebump · 13/12/2009 20:52

YANBU, I left my DS for the first time when he was 13 months and that was because I had to go back to work and had no choice. I have no problem with anyone else going out without their DCs but I couldn't bring myself to do it!

Original poster
jaggythistle · 13/12/2009 21:26

I really hope I didn't sound smug

It's the idea that we should want or need to get a break from him that nipped my head.

Don't worry, I muttered quietly to myself, so I haven't upset them or anything.

He is indeed very portable at the moment, so not really stopping us much - we are quite boring though!

I am sure my tune will change a wee bit when he is older, but we're enjoying him while we can. We did plan to have a baby and did think about the fact that it would be quite time consuming.

OP posts:
Original poster
jaggythistle · 13/12/2009 21:34

that last sentence sounded a bit grumpy, it was actually an attempt at humour

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 13/12/2009 21:36

lol at "nipped my heid" priceless

Original poster
jaggythistle · 13/12/2009 21:47

considered ripped my knitting...

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 13/12/2009 21:52

both equally funny!presumably scottish?

Original poster
jaggythistle · 13/12/2009 21:56

Aye

OP posts:
mumblecrumble · 13/12/2009 22:07

We're going on a little weekend break to Edinburg, where we used to live, for my biurthday this year. My Mum's first reaction was 'WIll I be having DD?" Er.... no.... we're taking her with us (she's 2.5) I was like, there's no way I could have my birthday without her,

Also find when I need a break... last thing I want to do is go out...

NonnoMum · 13/12/2009 22:14

IF you don't fancy going out in the evening, but want to take them up on their offer, how about suggesting that they come round in the day whilst you (a) take the longest bath (b) paint your nails (c) have a home hairdresser round (d) write your Christmas cards (or secretly sleep). That way they are getting cuddles with the baby but you are on hand upstairs (?) should the baby suddenly need a feed.

I wanted to go out when I had had DC1, but now on DC3 neither me nor DH have the energy to leave the front door, especially at this time of year.

Original poster
jaggythistle · 13/12/2009 22:17

My own parents have been the opposite, quite happy to wait until we ask them. They were the ones who encouraged us to take him out while he's tiny.

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 13/12/2009 22:19

I never did either.

Once they get to about a year I couldn't wait! But somehow everyone loves a cuddly newborn but seem strangely wary of a hulking noisy 12-monther.

scottishmummy · 13/12/2009 22:23

do what feels right for you.you be the judge but some time for yourself is a godsend and maintains sanity

Original poster
jaggythistle · 13/12/2009 22:49

Yeah, during the day when I'm by myself it can be pretty constant and I sometimes can't wait for a little break when H gets home. Depends on the kind of day we've had though.

I have clearly got enough time for a mess about on MN though...

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