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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel harrumphed that ds was not invited to this boy's poxy party

46 replies

nigelslaterfan · 12/12/2009 19:15

This boy is like the Messiah in ds's class, he is, inexplicably imo, worshipped and is the alpha male all round dominator. So being invited to his party matters in their little group of primates.

He's been invited to every party ds has ever had, has only missed one out of 5, and not long ago said to my ds "If I ever had a party I'd definitely invite you?" etc as the mother said to me (unasked BTW)

So today I hear ds has not been invited to this child's first ever party and feel irrationally disrespected. Children who he has never been to the party of have been invited.

I know a party invite is never a simple quid pro quo. But I always do the etiquette of at least asking a child once if ds has been to their party.

Actually IABU, so all I want is sympathy for my total possession by irrational upset about this, I feel like she's spat in my face! How ridiculous is that!! ARGH!!!!! I know I'm being unreasonable but it still irks.......

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 13/12/2009 10:05

'This boy is like the Messiah in ds's class, he is, inexplicably imo, worshipped and is the alpha male all round dominator. '

All the more reason not to be a worshipper, I would have thought! Opt out and be pleased not to be part of it.

muminthemiddle · 13/12/2009 10:06

I understand how you feel I really do.

In reception class my dd was one of only 15, around half of those were girls. She was the only girl not invited to a little girl's party.
I knew the mum quite well as my older dd and her ds were in the same class and always invited each other to their parties, we had even socialised together.
My dd was heart broken as she did play with this girl. The teacher even commented on the missing invite as it was upsetting dd in class!
Anyway my dd didn't invite this child to her party (sour grapes maybe)and I heard the mother saying to her dd "Never mind x your invite must surely be on it's way!"

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/12/2009 10:15

muminthemiddle- thats tough - being the only girl not to be invited

op - i did ask this earlier - but how many others in dc werent invited or was your ds the only one?

peacocks · 13/12/2009 10:18

actually, yanbu

ChunkyKitKat · 13/12/2009 10:24

My ds did the same muminthemiddle - his party was a couple of weeks later and he didn't invite the other boy.

Agree with Riven's earlier comment, kids parties are a minefield.

I still don't get invited to these swanky parties!

pigletmania · 13/12/2009 10:26

It is sad muminthemiddle if i were to invite the whole class i would and not miss out anybody like this insesitive mum missed out your dd muminthemiddle, however i will just do what picesmoon does, that way there wont be anyone left out as not everyone will get invited. Muminthemiddle good for you not inviting that other dd i would have done the same thing, why invite a child who did not not invite to thier party and your dd was the only one they did not invited .

ArizonaBarker · 13/12/2009 10:39

This thread is why I've told DD she can't have a party until she's 16.

muminthemiddle · 13/12/2009 10:45

I thought I might get flamed for not inviting the child-wasn't sure if I had acted like a 4 year old myself! But thanks for your comments.

Op-pour yourself a large glass of wine and seeth in silence, whilst planning to throw the party of the year for your own child

pigletmania · 13/12/2009 10:53

No we agree with you muminthemiddle, the fact that your poor dd was the ONLY child there not invited was . I would totally understand say if it was a small party of there were a few not invited to it fair enough. Its not like you dont know the mum or they dont know your dd, how rude of the mum and insensitive.

Ponders · 13/12/2009 10:59

'at ds's last birthday we had to pay per child for an activity thing and she phoned me half an hour into the party with a kind of "he doesn't really feel like coming this morning"'

just seen this bit, nsm - so this boy actually didn't come to DS's last party? I wonder if they did have some kind of falling out which went over your DS's head but stuck with the other boy? Ringing up that late is very weird - maybe his mum had been trying to persuade him to come?

Anyway glad to hear you are coping, with your mad rictus grin & a blade in your hand

Original poster

nigelslaterfan · 13/12/2009 17:23

Tryharder, I am appalling and utterly irrational I agree! I am a monster of madness! This is bothering me in a way that leaves no explanation except that I have profound emotional issues triggered into a very hysteria by this perceived disrespect by this strumpet of doom!

Rationally it's fine ds was uninvited, I just feel dissed by her because he's never had a party before and he's been to 4 of ds's and been invited to 5.

In my book if you go to as many as 4 parties, it is courteous to return the hospitality once. Just ONCE would have been fine. No need for more.

It's also because I'm scared my ds is some kind of social pariah!
We all want our children to be popular don't we?

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Original poster

nigelslaterfan · 13/12/2009 17:24

There is no defence for me really. I just feel so upset about it. I am clearly a mental.

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lanismum · 13/12/2009 18:13

I was so worried about upsetting someone that when dd had her 4th birthday I invited her whole class, I ended up with about 50 kids there! (was in a hall, so numbers didnt really matter) not everyone turned up, but at least nobody was left out! She has moved up to reception now and has been left out of at least 1 party, she shrugged it off, and I was very pleased, as a party invite to me is just hassle, buying a present, finding someone to mind the younger 2, I really dont mind her not getting invites!

forehead · 13/12/2009 18:32

I did what Lanismum did and had a party whereby the whole class was invited. I didn't want anyone holding any grudges against me. My child is the so called'Alpha female' and insists on everyone coming to her party, so i only intend having a party every two years.
I can see why the OP is pissed off by the fact that her son was not given an invite, but one has to learn to ignore these things or one will constantly be angry and upset. As others have said, the Alpha male or female doesn't remain so for very long.
I really HATE the whole party thing tbh, it's too bloody expensive anyway.

piscesmoon · 13/12/2009 19:03

I wouldn't even acknowledge the alpha male/female bit-they are small children!! Wanting an invite is just playing up to it. They are the same as any other DC-the only thing that matters is are they a true friend of your DC? If they are not -then why expect an invite?

GerbilMeasles · 13/12/2009 19:12

You are not a mental at all. Running alphaboy mother through with a sword is the act of a rational adult, esp in light of ringing you to decline your party invite half an hour into the party. No excuse for that, unless alphaboy was actually dying. You would be mental if you were planning to throw her in a big puddle, stamp on her, then stab her all over with nail scissors so she bleeds out of lots of little holes in her skin and then set fire to her. But you're not. So no, YANBU.

Horton · 13/12/2009 21:49

"I so hate her and would kill her with a sword if she were in front of me and I was holding a sword."

Heh! I am very sorry AlphaBoy and his mum are such arses but I must thank you for a much-needed giggle.

Original poster

nigelslaterfan · 14/12/2009 00:41

latest news!
On the way back from the park ds today looked thoughtful and said "I'm not inviting X to my party again. Ever" And I said casually "Oh Why? Is he having a party?" And ds told me it was sometime soon (he has not a great sense of time!) and that invites were handed out in class and most of the class were invited he thinks except maybe a couple of them! Makes it all seem some kind of ubersnub like she's hired a massive grizzly bear and then flown it by helicopter over our house and hovered there until it took a great shite on us! Am mental....

DBut d and I just shrugged it off and said oh well you can't go to everyone's party, you haven't been getting on that well, and left it at that. He appeared not too bothered by it so it really is mental of me to mind this much.

So I was all upset after I got home picturing his little face as he realised that he wasn't going to get an envelope and that feeling of Not Being Invited....

I wish I didn't care but I'm trying to let it go...........
sigh

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Original poster

nigelslaterfan · 14/12/2009 00:51

fwiw, I agree about the whole party tyranny it's AWFUL and far too expensive. Also one should not feel obliged to invite anyone. Ideally no child should be told who to invite. We can't make children like each other.

Thanks very very much for every single post. You have as a group tempered my madness.

I love mumsnet

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Original poster

nigelslaterfan · 14/12/2009 00:54

cornishgal
empathy
empathy
empathy
and hugs.....

OP posts:

Original poster

nigelslaterfan · 14/12/2009 00:57

SlartyBartFast, I feel your pain! hugs!

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