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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to scream that I do not want to go to the works night out?

31 replies

MummikinsOopNorth · 12/12/2009 10:13

My small department of 8 are going for a christmas meal next week. It is quite far from where I live and I have recently been unwell and the biggest reason is I don't like most of my colleagues, therefore, why would I want to go out with them? Problem is they mithered and mithered and wore me down and i'm supposed to be going. I can't say that the DC are ill or I don't have a babysitter as they know that they're away with their dad and grandparents at the moment.

What can I do? I've been worrying about it all week

OP posts:
LetThereBeRock · 12/12/2009 12:36

Bump.

jasmeeen · 12/12/2009 12:41

You agreed to go, so should go. If you really didn't want to go, you shouldn't have let them put your name down. You don't have to stay long.

ShepherdsWashedTheirLocks · 12/12/2009 12:42

Start sniffing on Monday...coughing Tuesday...croaking Wednesday...

And hope they won't want you anywhere near them with your 'bugs'.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 12/12/2009 12:43

My mum always says when you're not looking forward to a night out, then it turns out to be ok. You might even enjoy it.

Brunettelady · 12/12/2009 12:44

If you really feel that strongly, just tell them you are really sorry but you are not feeling well and don't want to make yourself worse by going out. Could also say you can't really afford it now with xmas coming up. If you don't really like them you will only have a crap time by going anyway which would be a total waste of time.

cheesefarmer · 12/12/2009 14:08

if i was you i'd probably get drunk to make it more bearable but I realise this is not good advice!

AgentZigzagDoingAYuleLog · 12/12/2009 14:23

Ewwww I really feel for you, it's horrible when you don't like the people you work with and feel obliged to go out with them.

On the other hand, could it be an opportunity to see them in a different light away from the workplace, which will maybe help you have a better time of it when you're at work?

santaschristmascakeywakey · 12/12/2009 14:26

Maybe you should just grit your teeth and bear it. You never know, you might have a better time than you're expecting. If it's really hellish, just leave as early as you can. Then it's over and done with for another year. Phew.

Earlybird · 12/12/2009 14:36

Interesting that you don't like your colleagues, yet they seem to very much want you to share the evening with them.

I think you have to go now, as you haven't been firm previously. Make sure to sit next to the one or two people you can bear.

GetDownYouWillFall · 12/12/2009 14:42

Sometimes when you see people socially, out of the work context, they are not that bad. Hey you might even enjoy yourself!

wildfig · 12/12/2009 14:46

I reckon you've got two options. You can plaster on a smile and go - you never know, it might turn out to be better than you expect (these things usually turn out to be OK, esp if the serious one gets tipsy), and if it's truly terrible you can turn it into a funny Christmas anecdote for your real mates.

OR

You can carry on pretending you're looking forward to it, then get a friend to call your office at lunchtime on the day, regarding some minor but urgent domestic crisis. Don't pre-agree what it's going to be; you want your look of panic to be real. Make sure, though, it's not so dramatic it should really be on the news, eg, no helicopters crashing on your house, or Time Team digging up your garden. Make it something like your bathroom's flooded, and you're going to need to wait in for the emergency plumber. Hand over your set meal money, plus £20 to have a drink on you, and leave in a rush.

If you've been going around with a lemon-sucking face at the thought of the dinner, pretending your cold's worsened will look too obvious, even if it's true.

I'd just go, though. You don't have to stay long. And isn't it sort of nice that they really want you to be there?

merrycompo · 12/12/2009 14:47

gawd, why don't you like them?
it is only once a year

MrsBadger · 12/12/2009 15:35

tell you what, I'll swap you for my work do:

there are 20 people going
it's a bring-a-dish buffet
it's in someone's living room
it's a murder mystery
it's in Victorian fancy dress
and I am thirty four weeks pregnant^

how does that sound, eh? eh?

stop whining and suck it up

TamsinToo · 12/12/2009 15:53

Out of the work atmosphere you might find you actually like them!!!

I went begrudgingly to my works do the other week not looking forward to it but it was great fun and I saw a side to people that I'd not seen before. I think it was agood bonding experience tbh.

Brunettelady · 12/12/2009 16:05

MrsBadger (btw hate the stop whining and suck it up, thats not great advice), but your xmas do sounds bloody awful like a great laugh at 34 weeks pregnant.

Brunettelady · 12/12/2009 16:06

NOOOOO first attempt at crossing out didn't work. Whoops.

MrsBadger · 12/12/2009 16:11

sorry it was blunt, but I thought it was quite good advice, hence why I posted it

if you can put up with colleagues 40h a week than an extra 2 is no big deal and is worth it for the sake of workplace harmony

better 2 uncomfortable hours than years of being known as the dept partypooper

VicarInaTinselTuTu · 12/12/2009 16:11

well i sort of know the feeling OP but i just went to mine, i smiled politely, downed a bottle of wine, ate the crappy meal, and as soon as was polite to do so i made a sharp exit!

i do sympathise i really do - but if your the only one who doesnt go it will make you look really really antisocial. and i really begrudged the 40 quid it ended up costing me, but thank god its only once a year.

cant you just do that? go and show your face but leave as soon as practicable?

vjg13 · 12/12/2009 16:12

What industry do you work in Mrs B? That sounds horrific!

MrsBadger · 12/12/2009 17:17

academia, so serves me right I suppose

mrstimlovejoy · 12/12/2009 18:29

i'm going on my works night out tonight but i'm still in my pj's after having a shower,mumsnetting and drinking brandy and coke.got house to myself and could quite easily stay where i am.i want to go but am sooo comfy don't want to move.
hope you go and have a great time

Alarmbellsring · 12/12/2009 22:59

Hope they've got a big living MrsBadger - esp. if you are all swishing around in big victorian skirts.

Truly my idea of hell - you deserve a pat on the back for even considering it at 34 weeks pg

Vallhala · 12/12/2009 23:17

Simple - if you really don't want to go then just don't. Say that you don't feel up to it due to a family situation if you don't want to be seen as rude. It's not a business meeting, its in your time and a social event and you shouldn't feel under pressure to attend if you would rather be curled up on the sofa with a glass of wine and a movie.

SerendipitousHarlot · 12/12/2009 23:17

MrsBadger

Sorry, but

Katisha · 12/12/2009 23:22

Think you'll have to go this time.

Hoever over the years I have developed a policy of never staying for anything after work as it's just too much hassle with childcare, commuting back late and so on.

So I'm not going to the team christmas do and it's too bad if some of them think I'm miserable.

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