Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To talk to my sister in law about portion control?

18 replies

R2G · 11/12/2009 14:49

I was shocked when I saw my niece. SHe is a tall girl but she has also put on a tremendous amount of weight she is really big. She is only 8. She is very active doing lots of sports, but her appetite is nothing short of greedy. Not complaining there I am too, I have no switch off button and cant say no. However, I think my sister in law is just indulging it rather than controlling it. When I went for the weekend she said she didnt want potatoes, salad etc so just ate the quiches provided and she ate two quiches to herself- an extra one was cooked for her.
When we went to a Christmas party, the children's portions were small- just a few nuggets, chips and beans, so they also ordered her an adult Christmas dinner. Fine, but she also ate two helpings of the children's Christmas dinner while she was waiting. Rather than water or low sugar fruit shoots or something, she was drinking J2Os all day long- very sugary.

I really wanted to say something about it, and still do. She is getting absolutely massive I am saddened by it as there is no need. I am not saying tell her or curb her appetite just give her less portion and more healthy stuff.

AIBU?

OP posts:

lilolilmanchester · 11/12/2009 14:56

well, I don't think you are being unreasonable in thinking what you do, I find it hard to see children being over-fed too. HOwever, it is a very contentious issue & not sure it is really for you to interfere (that's what your SIL will think). Given that she is very sporty, she is probably very fit & healthy. If you really feel you must say something, then do - but be prepared for your SIL to come back at you with all the things she doesn't like about the way you parent. It's a tough one tho.

Original poster

R2G · 11/12/2009 15:00

mmm yes. My SIL and I have a slightly tense relationship anyway. She is always correcting the other children in our family on their manners please and thanks yous rather than leaving it to the parent, then balks instructions at you with no p and qs whatsoever. I can't see it going down too well... but by the same token think it's too important to leave it to slide.

OP posts:

Morloth · 11/12/2009 15:06

If you say something she will not react well. So you have to weigh up whether you think it is important enough to lose the relationship with her over.

RockBird · 11/12/2009 15:07

What good do you think it will do to mention it? By your own admission the relationship isn't great so she's not exactly likely to say 'goodness, how right you are, silly me' is she? All you'll do is mention it, cause a row of whatever magnitude and she'll ignore you.

Fibilou · 11/12/2009 15:09

I would have an absolute fit if my SIL tried to tell me how to do something or bring up my child - unless I had specifically asked for her advice.

I would suggest that you keep your feelings to yourself or mentioned them to you brother - but definitely don't say anything to her. It's bad enough when blood relative criticise your parenting but for someone who isn't a relative, forget it !

RainRainGoAway · 11/12/2009 15:13

Oh God - step away from the advice!!!!

Do not say ANYTHING. You already have a tense relationship so anything you say will piss her off.

Is there another member of the family who could mention it? It does sound as though they need help as childhood obesity is worrying.

Original poster

R2G · 11/12/2009 16:19

Oh God I definitely dont think I'll approach it you are right it will just cause a row. It just pisses me off the way they are letting her eat like that. They dont have to ask to go in the cupboard etc just eating pancakes, waffles, party size chocolate bars after school. Dont think she would take this well from anyone in the family. What to do??

OP posts:

Weegle · 11/12/2009 16:26

Nothing, you do nothing. Or risk a huge family blow up.

You say she's active? And sporty? And tall (not sure of relevance there but that might be my own shoulder chip...)

I would actually prefer my DS to drink a J20 over a fruit shoot any day.

Are you sure there is actually a problem? Is the child overweight?

LisaD1 · 11/12/2009 16:29

I wouldn't say anything if I were you.

I have a brilliant relationship with my SIL's and see them regularly (more than their own brother does!) BUT I would absolutley flip if they said something about my DD/ow we raise her/feed her etc.

Unless you want a row I would say nothing.

Original poster

R2G · 11/12/2009 16:33

She is overweight. She is fat, obese etc yes.
Only relevance to being tall is that I meant she is kind of big anyway, in that she wears age 14 clothes hieght wise and she is very active so of course her appetite reflects this. It is not that she has a big appetite or that she has a trait to be greedy. It is that they are allowing her to gorge away on all the wrong stuff- it seemed to me all day every day. She does eat fruit and veg, but also sausage and pancakes with maple syrup for breakfast I think it was about ten pancakes, two full size quiches at lunch, two (small) portions of nuggets, chips, beans plus an adult portion roast dinner loads of roasties etc off her dad's plate, lots of J2Os- look at the sugar content okay I know fruit shoots are a bit nasty but sugar free option was on sale there, two bowls of ice cream and jelly plus endless 'treats/biscuits' right up to bedtime. That is what I saw in just the one day.

I think it is a problem in that she is eight and this is the start of it. I agree not to say anything is best

OP posts:

DoingTheBestChristmasICan · 11/12/2009 16:43

Is this a one off day with regards to her diet?

I personally wouldnt say a word to her as i know i wouldnt appreciate anyone commenting onmy parenting technique.

I know where you are coming from in your concern over her weight but it may be that she is having a growth spurt,my neice does this,she puts on a bit of weight then she grows taller & 'looses' the weight.

Keep schtum i say.

nannynobnobs · 11/12/2009 16:44

It would be ridiculous if it weren't so bad. They are setting her up for a lifetime of health and social problems. She may be active but it won't cancel out all the health issues that come with being obese. Yet I can see that if you say anything you'll end up in the wrong in your SIL's eyes! Even though you have the girl's interests at heart.
Can you not speak to your brother? I had to bite the bullet and speak to mine about my nephew once and he actually listened.

TheCrackFox · 11/12/2009 16:47

I wouldn't say anything, it will just cause a lot of ill feeling.

However, I do feel sorry for your niece. Life is hard enough without a serious weight problem adding to it.

Weegle · 11/12/2009 16:48

ok that is a bit mad- I hadn't understood that was all day and she is actually obese. But I still don't see what you can actually DO given your relationship. What about your parents? Does anyone else see it's a problem?

Original poster

R2G · 11/12/2009 16:49

It was a bit of a one off day in that the two kids meals and adult meals and J20 and jelly and ice cream were at a children's party. Not being funny but she was sat eating so much she didnt even play any of the games they were finished she was just sat with the adults eating.

However all the rest was at home. To be honest it was more the quiche thing that got to me that was clearly a regular thing with an extra quiche put in for her in advance.

I could talk to my brother but it wouldnt do any good. I think I will wait for him to mention it to me- they are loving parents I'm sure he must have noticed- and I'll explain what they are doing wrong that I have noticed, if he would like me to.

Thanks guys x

OP posts:

MaryMungo · 11/12/2009 17:06

I probably wouldn't say anything. My DD always plumps up right before a growth spurt. She starts eating twice as much, puts on a kilo or two, then shoots up two inches and is skinny as a rail again.

Jajas · 11/12/2009 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 11/12/2009 17:45

Keep your nose well and truly out of it, they wont thank you for interfering. I share your frustrations thoguh - my niece was huge (still is) and was under the doctor for a solution to this - she was being bullied at school, and at risk from diabetes (her dad diabetic. So, what do her parents and GPs do - give her just ab out as much shit as they can shovel in - i sat and watch her eat a full roast dinner, then two big puddings, only for her nan to then OFFER her chocolate bars out of the treat box, straight away after dinner - i was and quite worried tbh, but would never dream of saying anything as if people are daft enough to ingore medical advice and say - well, if you cant treat your kids? Its not fair to starve them? NO, its unfair to continue to feed unhealthy foods when you have been advised not to do this - I think people should eat if they are hungry so if she wanted two dinners then fine, so long as they are healthy - and treats, yes, but not in excess. Nowt as strange as folk and im afraid you just have to let them get on with it.

You say she is active so that is good, she will probably burn off the excess weight - puppy fat?? if she does lots of exercise.

Flip