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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MN jury - AIBU to contemplate charging daughter and boyfriend rent?

24 replies

MitchyInge · 11/12/2009 12:45

on one hand I think no, they don't have their own room (camping in sitting room) and they buy some of their own food - on the other they obviously use water, electricity, firewood and eat my pizza other things here

they both work, daughter (19yo) only recently returned from working abroad and have been giving her lots of financial help (insuring land rover for her, filling it with diesel) until she is on her feet again PLUS she ran up a £300 phone bill while she was away which am really cross about but she's working it off

what do you think?

OP posts:
RorysRacingReindeer · 11/12/2009 12:47

why not ask them to contribute £25 to food bills etc and then it's not rent for the sofa?

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 11/12/2009 12:49

agree - charge them utilities, rather than rent. Don't let her use your phone either

How much are you thinking of charging?

itsmeolord · 11/12/2009 12:49

At 19 they are both old enough to understand that you pay rent or a mortgage to live somewhere.
YANBU to charge a fair rent. If they don't want to live in your sitting room they would have to live and pay for somewhere else.

They are adults, an adult should expect to contribute financially towards their household if they are earning a wage.

ParanoidAtAllTimes · 11/12/2009 12:51

I paid about £30 a week rent to my mum when I was 18, so YANBU. It taught me to manage my money a bit which came in handy later!

Pineapplechunks · 11/12/2009 12:52

YANBU. They both earn and they both consume so both should be charged. Agree it shouldn't be full rent because they don't have their own room and, well, she is your daughter but yes they need to pay something.

Original poster
MitchyInge · 11/12/2009 12:53

thanks - was thinking about £25 a week towards bills

they are extremely helpful, babysitting, walking the dog, feeding the animals and so on and I suppose that counts for quite a lot

it's not my phone, she has a contract phone along with her sister (my middle daughter) on one line and it's the first time she's gone over the limit in at least five years so I should cut her some slack!

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 11/12/2009 12:54

Dare I ask why they are BOTH camping in your living room? That would really get on my tits and I would charge them just to get them to bog off.

Original poster
MitchyInge · 11/12/2009 12:54

do you think each or £25 for both of them?

OP posts:
santaschristmascakeywakey · 11/12/2009 12:55

YANBU, if they're working they should be paying rent as well as hleping around the house. Utilities and Council Tax all add up.

TinselianAstra · 11/12/2009 12:56

Ask for a lot of money, then maybe they'll go find somewhere to live that's not your living room.

Original poster
MitchyInge · 11/12/2009 12:56

oh, he got into a bit of trouble at home (no fault of his own) and has been living on various sofas and floors for a while now

OP posts:
ParanoidAtAllTimes · 11/12/2009 12:56

I think £25 each would be perfectly reasonable

ParanoidAtAllTimes · 11/12/2009 12:58

Given that it would be nearer £100 a week in their own flat

Original poster
MitchyInge · 11/12/2009 12:59

thank you

hope it doesn't make it too difficult for them to save up for their own place(s) though

OP posts:
DecorHate · 11/12/2009 13:01

If you don't actually need the rent from them but want to charge it as a matter of principle then why not put it in a savings account and then give it back for them to use as a deposit to rent their own place in a while?

emsyj · 11/12/2009 13:04

I paid £130 a month to my mum when I moved back home after university, which was about 25% of my take-home pay at that time. DH paid £250 a month which was about the same % wise. We quickly worked out that we could get our own place for not much more money and moved in together.

DH's brother and his girlfriend now live with the ILs and pay minimal rent between them 'so that they can save for their own place'. They have been there 4 years now and can't see them moving out any time soon as they're onto such a good thing. They have more disposable income than we do and are able to save so much that they will end up with a nicer house than us no doubt. Bitter, moi? You bet!

The more you charge, the faster they will work out that they may as well get their own place.

whifflegarden · 11/12/2009 13:05

Depending on your situation, I would perhaps use the money they pay to set up a savings account for them without their knowledge.

Would be a nice gift for when they move out/when they need it.

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 11/12/2009 13:06

£25 is very reasonable. I paid £200 a month when i was working and still living at home!

whifflegarden · 11/12/2009 13:06

x-post DecorHate

Runoutofideas · 11/12/2009 13:08

That's a good idea decorhate - parents of some friends of mine did that when they were that age and it did in fact help them to get a place of their own. I guess how much you charge depends on how much they are earning between them. Maybe you could start it quite high then knock money off for the babysitting, dog walking etc, or does that just make it too complicated...?

Original poster
MitchyInge · 11/12/2009 13:09

God, am going to be rubbish at enforcing this so might start it after Christmas - I could do with the extra £££ because am already feeling the extra expense of buying more food and keeping her mobile for work (her own car needs serious repairs grrrr)

so I won't be saving it for them

OP posts:
Original poster
MitchyInge · 11/12/2009 13:10

are stray teenagers tax deductible by any chance?

OP posts:
TinselianAstra · 11/12/2009 13:18

Letting them stay for free isn't really doing them any favours for when they go out into the real world.

Original poster
MitchyInge · 11/12/2009 13:31

glad nobody has said am horrible and uncharitable for even thinking such a thing given their living conditions (one on the sofa and one on a camp bed - is all a bit chaste still)

I force the middle one to hand over a big chunk of her DLA each month (because I bear the extra expenses of her care and mobility after all) so it is probably only fair to ask the same of these two

MUST NOT SPEND THE PROCEEDS ON ANY MORE PONIES THOUGH

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