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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be hacked off with this?

27 replies

Weegle · 11/12/2009 11:34

Disclaimer: I am 34 wks pg with twins, on bed rest, so may have lost the ability to see things rationally...

I'm booked for c-section on 23rd Dec so will be in hospital xmas - this all following nightmare pregnancy and house move. Therefore, we are planning to celebrate Christmas a few days early - which as far as DS (3) is concerned will be billed as Christmas Day - complete with roast, Father Christmas, etc etc...

Understandably DS has been a little unsettled - mummy in bed, lots of different people looking after him, stressed daddy, house move etc, lots of doctors, hospital trips etc, never been quite sure if twins will arrive any time... so it was made clear to my parents who will be here to look after him over the birth (and our pretend Christmas) that DS is the priority - everything to be made as stable and normal for him as poss... they don't normally look after him but we've been desperate as it's Christmas...

Today I find out they aren't planning on getting him a Christmas present, but are giving him a cheque. He's 3 FFS, he won't understand a cheque! And we won't be able to cash it, or go and get something as I am bed-ridden! And post the birth will have 2 newborns and not be able to drive. I had so wanted for them to understand that he's had such a crappy run of it - how hard is it to pick something little for a 3 year old to actually unwrap. I think it's made worse by the fact that I haven't been able to get him anything beyond the stocking presents I did before being put on bed rest, and now DH literally doesn't have a spare moment. And my mother made such a huge thing about what she had bought for her other grandchildren (also 3), and that she was "banking on me" having got her what she had asked for (I have, I did all my shopping in Sept because we knew things would be hectic with the move and pregnancy, even before the bed rest and associated problems).

Ok - that's turned in to a massive rant. And I am potentially being massively ungrateful, afterall a cheque is a gift... but AIBU to have assumed they could just get him something to unwrap? He would have been happy with a packet of buttons in wrapping paper...

I haven't, and wouldn't, say anything BTW - just feel sad for DS.

OP posts:

minxofmancunia · 11/12/2009 11:45

yanbu, just a little token would be nice. how for him bless him, it sounds like it would make his day

Hassled · 11/12/2009 11:49

This isn't pregnancy unreasonableness, don't worry . YANBU at all - that's just shit of them, and so unimaginative.

All I can come up with in their defence is that they're probably quite worried about you and not thinking things through. Can you not just spell it out - tell them to go to a toy shop TODAY and buy something/anything?

hope it all goes for you.

allaboutme · 11/12/2009 11:51

I'd be p'd off too, very thoughless of them.
Can you get online to Argos or something simialr now and order DS something big (in size!) so his eyes light up on xmas day when he sees the present - have it delivered to home and get your mum to wrap it up and pay the cash/cheque to you?

Geocentric · 11/12/2009 11:51

Aww, what a confusing time for him, yanbu. However, maybe they'll spoil him rotten while they're with him, and that'll make up for it? I know any stay with grandparents for my kids usually means all sorts of unplanned treats (last time they managed to get DVDs out of their Grandma - 'cause she had the bright idea of taking them to the supermarket ).

ChickensHaveNoTinsel · 11/12/2009 11:51

YANBU. Please throw a tantrum. I would.

redskyatnight · 11/12/2009 11:52

Agree it is a bit rubbish ... however can't they take him out on the day after "Christmas Day" and help him choose something he likes?

drinkystinkyuletidegubbins · 11/12/2009 11:53

YANBU - just prepare them for DS to be distinctly underwhelmed with their present and suggest, if they want a big smile from him too, they might want to give him some chocolate or something with it...

Good luck with the birth of your twins...

paisleyleaf · 11/12/2009 11:57

and it'll be easier for them to mind him if he's got a great new toy to play with.

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 11/12/2009 11:58

Do you know how much they are giving? You could ordered something on line and wrap it up for him.

NotAnotherNewNappy · 11/12/2009 12:01

Yanbu. Tell them how you feel.

Original poster

Weegle · 11/12/2009 12:02

oh phew, was having a mild panic there that my hormonal grumpy self wouldn't be able to handle a barrage or YABU's I am not sure I would have taken it in good grace.

DH just emailed (checking up on his woefully falling apart family - we are being 'looked after' by MIL this week which has been... erm, interesting...) and told me he's ordered DS a space rocket from Amazon, so that's something. Hopefully I can wrap that in bed if someone brings me the stuff.

If only I could rely on them to spoil him when they are here. My dad is fab but my mother is a 'witch' or 'bitch' depending on how charitable DH is feeling and last week when she was here she threatened DS with an entire afternoon on the stairs because he didn't put his shoes on the first time he was asked... doesn't really help DS' current unsettled state but we really haven't a choice. Just wanted him to have one nice day before his life is turned upside down with the arrival of the babies!

OP posts:

littleducks · 11/12/2009 12:02

I think you can work it out.

DD got cheques at 2 and 3 for bdays, i just said it was special paper money and that she could choose something

I realise that you cant go out shopping at that point but surely if they are there and looking after ds they can take him out and choose something, will occupy him both toy shopping and playing with new toy

Calyx · 11/12/2009 12:15

YANBU at all. I hate cheques. Even a postal order is less hassle. What's a 3 year old supposed to think about getting money for Christmas?! And of course, the wee one isn't meant to take it to the bank, wait for it to come through, get the money out, go and buy something and wrap it for themselves... but how on earth are you or DH supposed to do all that in the situation you're in?!

I second ChickensHaveNoTinsel - I would definitely have a tantrum. Or maybe you could have a quiet word with fab Dad and ask him to use the money and get something NOW and wrap it himself?

Good luck with the birth and congratulations on twins! xx

Original poster

Weegle · 11/12/2009 12:23

the annoying thing is I couldn't have a tantrum (even if I had the inclination or energy) because we have no landline yet in the rented house (hitching a ride on the next doors wireless)... so I would be ranting to the 4 walls I've been looking at since Saturday when we moved...

OP posts:

Avendesora · 11/12/2009 16:31

Why dont you spend the money for them, and then ask them to wrap them for you. Something for you to enjoy while laid up in bed

Original poster

Weegle · 11/12/2009 17:00

That's the plan with the space rocket that DH has bought - if they don't 'use' it as their gift to DS (and give us the cash, preferably, or transfer to our account even better) then we will just give that to DS - he doesn't need much, just something would be nice. I guess I'm just disappointed that they couldn't/wouldn't get him something to unwrap of their own accord - I think DS' age group is the absolute easiest to buy for and easiest to please as they have no concept of money, no concept of trends, and generally are as equally happy with a wrapped tub of playdoh as something bigger - and even garages, or village shops would stock something suitable... it's not like a 3 year old is hard to buy for. I guess it was the old cliche of the 'thought' that counts, which upset me.

OP posts:

ruddynorah · 11/12/2009 17:10

how much will the chq be for? i would spend it online, get the present(s) delivered and wrapped ready for him on the 23rd.

Original poster

Weegle · 11/12/2009 17:24

I don't know. Judging from what they've bought my neice and nephew it 'should' be about £40-50 but I wouldn't want to assume that. But TBH I wouldn't care if it was 50p, it's the thought that counts... and to me the thought matters MORE at the moment precisely because DS has had such a crappy time of it recently, and I guess because if it hadn't been for a randomly unrelated conversation DH was having with my dad we wouldn't have known until the pretend xmas day that they hadn't got him something to unwrap...

OP posts:

Brunettelady · 11/12/2009 21:13

I bloody hate cheques!!!! My MIL always gives cheques instead of money. She lives in the same place as us so its not like its being sent through the post which I would understand. But all the hassle of getting to the bank to paying it in etc! Nightmare. Especially for you with your very busy time coming up. Good luck with that btw. And I think it is lovely that you are trying to make it as focused on your DS as poosible after the move and before the babies.

Heated · 11/12/2009 21:18

Can you go online and order something from Amazon and use their gift wrap service too on their behalf? Then just bank the cheque or get Dad to transfer funds.

pollyblue · 11/12/2009 21:36

I know exactly how you feel, my twins were delivered by section in January, just after dds 2nd birthday, and as I'd been warned they might well come early i put all my last energies into ensuring everything at home was as organised as could be and dd had a lovely, calm christmas and birthday. Hosting a party for a dozen under 4s just about finished me off but all the mums helped out and i was so glad dd had got to enjoy that last bit of special 'only baby' time before the twins arrived and all hell broke loose!

The spanner in my works was my Mum who came to look after dd while i was in hospital (she lives a distance away so had never looked after her on her own before) - she looked after her for three days (dh was with her evenings and mornings) and when i came home, tired and in pain, within an hour she'd told me exactly how crap at parenting she thought my dh was and he was far too soft on her etc etc......It all got really nasty and was so unnecessary......I'm babbling on and it's not really much help to you! Sorry. Anyhoo, you've put a lot of thought into making sure your ds has a good christmas and it seems she hasn't really thought at all, but tbh for your own sake i would say forget about it, your ds will have other gifts to open and soon two new babies to love.

Twins are fab. I wish you lots of luck and a lovely Christmas.

WingedVictory · 11/12/2009 23:49

Poor little one.I hope he gets his present to open on Christmas morning. A cheque is just soooo shit.

MummyDragon · 12/12/2009 12:08

I'm coming late to this thread, but wanted to agree that YANBU at all, and to suggest maybe hitching a ride on next-door's wireless to Sainsbury's online, and buying DS some chocolate goodies and/or toys there? They still have delivery slots for next week in our area, so they probably do in yours too.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas - both the early one and the real one with your 3 children

pranma · 12/12/2009 17:16

I think you should tell your parents exactly how you feel-show them your op if need be.If they dont respond tell them you had to take their pressies from you back to the shop so you could afford to buy Santa stuff for your ds.Tell them to keep the cheque as your gift to them.See how they like it.

Original poster

Weegle · 12/12/2009 17:32

thanks everyone

got a rather cryptic text message from my mother this morning which I think informed me that they have bought DS a globe... fab - so whatever DH said must have sunk in. And we'll give him the space rocket from us.

Everything is taking so much energy at the moment, given my health, that I'm glad it'll be sorted. And we received a lovely parcel in the post from a lovely friend with loads of Christmassy treats in it, and DH has managed to get me in to the lounge for the first time since we moved, so feeling a bit more positive today.

OP posts:

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