DD is almost 4. We split up a year ago. Prior to splitting up he was never around ( forces) and we did split up for 2 years as well.
Since september he has been having DD almost every other weekend for one night. He hasnt had her the last 2 weeks at all as he had a night out planned. ( apparently that is more important!)
We live an hour apart. ( when we seperated i was made homeless as we lived in an army house, so i moved nearer to my family).
Yesterday he drove down to see DD in her nativity play. I had told him about it and that it was only half an hour and that she had plans straight after it ( christmas party). I told him this, and said it was up to him that he came. He did come, but DD didnt want to see him and hid behind my legs. ( she has been saying a lot recently that she doesnt want to see him, she wont talk to him on the phone. She crys for hours prior to going to his.) He got in a huff with her in the nursery in front of everyone then said it was my fault. ( i encourage her to go to his, to speak to him on the phone. i dont want her to have a crap relationship with her dad as i know what thats like). He then picked her up and carried her out of the nursery with her shouting ' put me down, im not a baby'. he then had a go at me when i said we had to go as apparently he had a spare hour.
Then it he tells me he had got DD the same present i have, but to be kept at his flat. I had told him what i had got her, so he wouldnt get the same. And thats what he has done.
DD is really tired and run down at the mommment. She has got a mouth full of ulcers, bags under her eyes and looks shattered. WE are having a quiet day at home today. She always comes back from His complleatly shattered. Last time he had her i had to take the day off work as she just looked terrible and kept falling asleep. I have tried to tell him about making sure she has some quiet chilled out time. He says thats boring and its not his fault if she is tired, its mine as i chose to work, and therefore have to put her in nursery.
She keeps saying she doesnt want to go to his. Last time she went she was crying all day. AT 4pm i had had enough and called him to say that i wasnt going to send her. ( she had been like that the time before as well, but had got her to go in the end, but when she is hanging onto my legs begging to stay with me all day. its hard to make her) Of course he said that was my fault and i must be poisioning her mind. Nevermind the fact that i had plans for that weekend too, which if DD stayed with me i would have to cancel! In the end i got DD to agree that if we drive halfway to his and meet him and if she still didnt want to go with him we would come home. She did go in the end, but its not something im going to keep doing.
he wanted to have her for 4 nights in the run up to christmas, with how she is being i said 2 would be better. he said that DD is 4 and should get no choice and that she doesnt know what her own thoughts and feelings are and should be made to do as she his told.
Im just so angry with him. He doesnt seem to get that she is a person, she may be four, but she still is a person. I certainly dont let her get away with much, i am quite strict. But i do think she should be listen to. I dont know what i can do to get him to understand. He has only maybe lived with her for 6 months of her life, he hardly knows her at all.