To want to confront the parent that makes complaints about DS to the nursery?

[BloodyAngryMumma]

Bit of advice appreciated here girls.

Just got in from collecting DS from nursery and whilst in conversation, one of the carers let slip that the parent of DS closest friend has been making complaints about my DS behaviour on a few occasions.

Now don't get me wrong, I am under no illusion that my DS is an angel, far from it but what grates me most is that theirs is also a sod but they seem to be totally oblivious to it! Both boys are quite calm when apart, but when they get together they are a handful. The nursery reassured me that it is 50:50 who instigates the 'hyperactive behaviour' but the complaints have been that my DS is the sole cause and that they are not happy about him being around their DS.

The nursery are doing nothing about it as they are very well aware of whats happening but I'm livid and want to confront these parents about it. It makes me bloody mad when they are all sweetness to my face and then slag my son off when my back is turned. There isn't a week go by when I don't get a call asking if we want to take DS to some event or other to meet up which now has me very

AIBU to let on to them that I know they have complained (bearing in mind it could get the nursery in trouble for letting it slip) or should i just get over it?

I think I would ask the nursery manager to ensure the staff don't spread gossip. You don't even know if it is true.

Agree with Morloth.

I wouldn't raise it

I've been confronted by soemone who got very nasty thinking my child did something to theirs etc etc etc (turned out he had not, child amde it up) and frankly I just wouldntriosk-people get very funny when feeling cornered /defending their precious baby

I'dcertainly back off fromfriendship though,Mum sounds- erm- conflicted

Take a deep breath and let it go. I know it's infuriating, but it's part and parcel of parenthood and having it out with them really will only make it worse.

As far as you know, their child is going home weeping "BloodyAngryMama'sDs hit me, he always hurts me, I'm frightened of him, I'm frightened of playschool, please don't make me be with him, mummy!"

Now, the playschool know it's 6/half a dozen, but the kid's parents 6don't^. and if they didn't listen to their son, they'd be bloody bad parents.

I think the fact that your child is evidently not very nice to theirs (as theirs isn't very nice to yours) and yet they've still manged not to let that affect they way they respond to you clearly points to them taking the more adult approach here. You really should get over it.

I would have to talk to her if it were me. I'd be as friendly as possible. You don't really know the details of the complaint and she's just trying to do her best by her child after all.

I would say something like, 'I gather you're a bit concerned about X (your DS) at school. What has been worrying you?'

It's the sort of conversation which, while difficult to begin with, could result in some great enlightenment on both sides and possibly even a strengthening of your relationship.

You have to make sure you can be friendly though because at the moment you are understandably hurt about it.

Agree with others but also I wouldn't be able to stop myself saying in a really jolly pleasant voice 'I thought I heard X at nursery say that you didn't want the boys to play together but I was a bit rushed so might have got the wrong end of the stick....?'

All these people saying 'don't mention it' are wrong. We have to communicate with each other even if it's hard. Especially if it's hard. That's what being in a community it all about. This is all part of the social adhesive we all need and are sadly lacking due to attitudes expressed on here.

After all, if you don't raise it, you will be left with an unresolved irritation every time you see this woman and as your children are likely to grow up together, that's a bit irresponsible and short sighted.

Wrong?Or of adifferent opinion, Spidermama?

Could be the latter I think....

Definitely wrong peachy.

Sor4ry no dear, it is you who are worng

Seriously though, so calledreasonable Mum at school turned into right nutter when she approached me,well rather got her DH to-even DH (my Dh used to manage lorry drivers,is not conflict averse!) was cowering, I was shaking for weeks.

I just aovid these sits as much as poss these days

I once approached a mum whose dSs were pissing off my dd so much she didn't want to go to school. It was all very amicable. I was polite. Her DSs kind of like my dd and were not very good at playing with girls so annoyed her instead. My dd was not very good at dealing with annoying boys.

We sorted it out well.

I guess we all come with our own experiences.

I think coldtit's has a good point, that you don't know what the child is telling his parents.

Which is why I agree with Mincepiedermama - the adult thing to do here is to discuss it amicably and openly. So you simmer down, and go into the conversation with an open mind, not thinking they are being two-faced. See what they say. And then you will be in an informed position to know how to act next.

Put yourself in her position.She has aired a concern with the nursery in confidence.She has every right to do so.The people who are in the wrong are the nursery for betraying this woman's confidence.
Had the nuresry worker been at all professional you would noy have known anything about it.
If you say anything to the mum , she will go back to the nursery .Very likely the nursery worker will have to be disciplined and your relastionship with them will take a turn for the worse.
Just leave it.You are opening a can of worms

Yes yummy, that is exactly what I'm affraid of. I know for a fact they will complain to the nursery (they do tend to have a slightly aggresive, confrontational relationship with them)and then it will kick off. I know the carer was in the wrong, but I don't believe she did it to sh*t stir and really wouldn't want to get her in trouble. I think she thought she was trying to put my mind at rest by telling me there wasn't a problem with DS behaviour but actually she had the opposite effect!

So, I guess its deep breaths and counting to 10 for the time being. I think, as has been suggested, I will try and broach the subject in a lighthearted way when we next see them (something along the lines of 'aren't they a handful when they get together')and see if they say anything.

In some ways I hope they do, in others I don't, I might not be able to bite my tongue if I end up on the receiving end of their accusations!

But you assuming they're accusing.

Could be they think it's one thing for the boys to play up together while you and they are around - because you're the boys' parents and can discipline them and help them manage their relationship. But they may not want them playing up together at nursery, they may think it has a disruptive effect for their son.

Did the parents complain to the very worker who spoke to you? If they didn't, then things might have got lost in translation.

btw, I think you're wise to broach the subject casually.

Extremely unprofessional for the nursery staff to have passed complaint on.

If they genuiually feel it is 50:50 then they should have said to the other parent Whilst I appreciate you are concerned I can assure you that overall its 50:50 but we will of course monitor the situation closely.

Ignore the comments. And just casually avoid if you can.

Extremely unprofessional for the nursery staff to have passed complaint on in this manner

If they genuiually feel it is 50:50 then they should have said to the other parent Whilst I appreciate you are concerned I can assure you that overall its 50:50 but we will of course monitor the situation closely.

Ignore the comments. And just casually avoid if you can.