Oh I'm going to end up unavoidably upsetting someone tonight, AIBU?

[MadreInglese]

A small group of us are getting together tonight to organise a party for my friend's big birthday and one woman (let's call her Tina) has had an idea for some 'suprise entertainment' (not stripper but equally cringeworthy IMO) that the birthday girl would just hate, it's really not her kind of thing.

The birthday friend has had much upheaval in the last year including a bereavement and we all want to give her a nice low-key classy party that she will enjoy. Tina's idea is (to be blunt) quite tacky and not in birthday girl's style at all (and goes against the few instructions/stipulations she has given us), but she's stomping ahead trying to get the others to agree to it and arrange it.

I've know the birthday girl for over 20 years and Tina has only know her a couple of years as their DHs are friends - and I do feel that makes me a better judge of what we should do at her party. I'm planning on very gently but firmly breaking the news to Tina tonight that her idea is not really going to work but she is very sensitive and I can see her getting a bit upset and narky about it - not looking forward to that bit but AIBU to want one of my best friends to have a party she will enjoy - at the risk of upsetting our mutual friend?

I can't see a nice way of telling Tina - even the gentlest subtlest comments are bound to upset her.

You have to tell her

I know, from a v v cringeworthy leaving do I once endured

it was for a very good friend and nobody else apart from me knew that she was a feminist and a lesbian

another "jolly" colleague got a strippergram for her despite my begging her not to (and being called a killjoy )

will never forget sight of dear friend slung over a podgy "fireman"'s back begging "Precious, help me, pleeeeeease"

although it is vair vair cold here, and it happened a long looong time ago, the mere thought of it is making me feel positively tropical

YANBU, my friends totally organised my hen night, it was not what I wanted at all and I have always looked back and thought about that totally crap time that I had, but my friends enjoyed it though.

Don't be afraid to speak up for your friend who you have known for so much longer.

I want to know what's Tina's idea!

OP, YANBU.

Precious, I don't know you or your friend, but the image you conjured up for me is so delightful and mortifying it has cheered me right up

I am glad it has brought you joy DingDong

I however am going to have to stay up late and find some distraction so I don't have nightmares about it

Well 'Tina' cancelled on us last night! So I voiced my concerns to the other girls and they all agreed and actually said how relieved they were that I'd mentioned it as they had their doubts too.

Tina has emailed this morning with an apology for not making it last night and asking what was decided so I have (in as jolly ha ha a way as possible) explained the decisions we made.

(the idea was sort of a cross between This is Your Life/Mr & Mrs Game/that liar liar thing that ant & dec did - where she and other friends/family would have to get up in front of everyone like a gameshow and explain the stories behind embarrassing childhood photos, or along those lines - she would be mortified to be made to do anything like that)

Oh my good God - that would have been my idea of Hell!

Glad you've managed to get things organised without her

God help us all!!

What a lucky escape you've had. That would have been a nightmare. Utterly mortifying.

You can look forward to having a laugh about this with your friend when the whole thing is over.