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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to buy any more xmas presents for DCs...

13 replies

waddlelikeaduck · 10/12/2009 15:37

i was really organised this year as was due a baby in nov so bought and wrapped all the xmas presents before. i didn't get any extra money from dh towards any of them and have managed from housekeeping but mainly my own money.

I have spent roughly £50-60 each on dsd (aged 14), ds (aged 10) and about £10 on dd (2 weeks). i have bought lots of gifts such as make up, books, etc as the kids say they like lots of pressies and neither had said they wanted anything in specific except things in excess of £100 which i have told them they can save for - i pay them pocket money too (£20 for dsd and £14 for ds a month)...

Dh said yesterday that he thought £50 wasn't much each and that we should buy an extra present each for them, i said he could buy more if he wanted but i wasn't as i thought it was plenty and with all the other presents they'd get they wouldn't notice or remember - he said, no 'we' should get them, meaning 'me'....

Aibu to refuse to buy any more? Or am i being too mean?

OP posts:

QandA · 10/12/2009 15:38

YANBU, if he wants to but them more, let him. A fool and his money....

sarah293 · 10/12/2009 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mumblechum · 10/12/2009 15:40

Agree with Q and A, if he wants to put his hand in his pocket then fine but sounds like they're getting a reasonable amount.

darcymum · 10/12/2009 15:42

I don't think you are, its not about the money either, they all have far to much stuff if you ask me. Stand your ground, you could;d get all moral about it and say you don't want to encourage materialism plus fewer presents is greener (?)

starlight99 · 10/12/2009 15:43

"i didn't get any extra money from dh towards any of them and have managed from housekeeping but mainly my own money"

WHAT? your DH gives you an allowance and you have to "manage" out of that?

Sounds pretty unreasonable to me. His money is OUR money in our house

darcymum · 10/12/2009 15:46

I agree with starlight, his, mine its all the same in our house, lucky for me as he works and I don't. As for presents stick and a stone, that's what mine get.

ginnybag · 10/12/2009 15:51

Sounds reasonable to me, too.

Tell him to get his cheque book out if he thinks they've been short-changed. Aside from anything else, he isn't seriously expecting you to brave the madness of the shops with a new baby is he????

PlumBumandBaublesMum · 10/12/2009 15:53

i'M WITH STARLIGHT WHEN i FIRST READ THAT i THOUGHT YOU WERE SPLIT UP FROM YOUR DH, i DON'T UNDERSTAND HIS MONEY, MY MONEY, SURELY THE MONEY BELONGS TO BOTH OF YOU

Sorry just realised caps were on,
anyway where does it end if you want to put the heating on do you have to pay more towards the oil bill?

Original poster

waddlelikeaduck · 10/12/2009 17:23

thanks everyone, the money thing is something we've agreed to review in the new year, at present he gives me a lump sum towards the bills etc but costs have risen and his contribution has not... He says he 'needs' between £2-400 a month for himself and as i keep telling him, that is unreasonable, i have to make up the shortfall on bills and its not going to continue in the new year. This year i refused to pay for holidays/festivals/etc and so he knows his 'ride' has ended and since the birth he's paid for alot more as i can't get to the cashpoint etc so the message is getting in....

OP posts:

pooexplosions · 10/12/2009 17:50

tell him to buy HIS children some presents and stop being such a twat.

SolidGoldpiginablanket · 10/12/2009 17:52

OH hang on a minute. THis is not about your H wanting to give the DC a better Xmas at all, is it? This is about him wanting to spend more of your money and less of 'his' money.
There's always something dodgy about a man who likes to keep his DW/DP short of money while spending lavishly on himself, even if the wife is a SAHM - that doesn;t mean she's a servant or a pet who should be on 24/7 duty in return for nothing more than subsistence. TBH with this sort of arrangement, expecting you to pay for presents for his DDs is a bit much.

Spectroscopy · 10/12/2009 18:34

YANBU.
If HE wants to buy them more then fine. I hate it when men say 'we' to mean 'you'. My DH does that. To be fair our money is totally joint, there is no way I could get my head around the separate money thing. Way too complicated. I know my dad did that with my step-mum, was quite mean, and then really disapproved when she got a p/t job. How controlling!

Original poster

waddlelikeaduck · 10/12/2009 19:52

i think the main problem dh has is he is still adjusting to not being single/selfish and is starting to realise just how much i do for him. I'm not a sahm but a full time phd student with a bursary that is equivalent to his wage, i supported him whilst he was ill and he is slowly starting to become less tight! I think the birth of dd has impacted him more, he's being more involved with my ds, his dss and doing more around the house.

I will stick to my guns re the presents!!!

OP posts:

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