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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

or just over reacting

9 replies

asteri · 10/12/2009 13:31

Last night I was chatting to a friend on Facebook when I got a notification saying that my (14 year old) niece has changed her profile picture and a thumbnail of said picture. Now, this picture was black and white and she had taken it herself in a mirror and she was wearing only a t shirt. now you couldnt see anything other than a lot of leg but it was very provocative and so when she started to chat to me I told her so. (we chat quite a bit on facebook as we live quite far apart now, though we always used to be really close). I told her that I thought posting half naked pictures of herself on the internet was a bad idea, to which she said that only her friends could see it, I then said that her friends list of most of her school, and as its a profile picture anyone who puts your name into facebook will be able to see it. Now, she has changed it (thank heaven), removed me from her friends list and left me a message saying she felt like I was picking on her and treating her like a child (when shes clearly an adult ) and she doesnt want to see me anymore. Now as we were really close as she grew up this last part hurts my feelings a bit, so do you think I over reacted by telling her that she shouldnt have put that picture there.

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porcamiseria · 10/12/2009 13:51

i think its better NOT to be her facebook friend TBH, I am shocked by what I see from some kids on there! ignorance is bliss

tell her that its probably best that you are no longer FB friends due to the "generation gap" , tell her you are only telling her off because you love her, and she will come around from her teenage strop eventually I am sure

But YANBU to tell an underage girl off for putting sexy photos online

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 10/12/2009 14:10

You did the right thing. How close are you to her mum? Could you have a quiet word with her about keeping an eye on daughter's facebook.
I only allowed my 14 yr old (she's now 15) daughter to have a facebook account if she was my friend, that way i can see what she's up to. (And tell her how much i loved and missed her when she was a bit upset on spanish exchange.) I can also say how proud I am of her (as well as in person) when she got good results or predicted grades, (like last night.)
Maybe send her an email saying you love her, that's why you didn't want people viewing her in the wrong light, she will understand eventually, just hope she comes to her senses soon.

asteri · 10/12/2009 14:12

thanks porcamiseria, TBH Im not really that bothered that she is no longer my FB friend as im sure there are other ways I can talk to her, but its telling me that she doesnt want me around anymore that hurts. I hope its just a teenage drama queen thing and things will be back to normal soon, but I'm not so sure as she seems to be going a bit far off the rails lately.

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asteri · 10/12/2009 14:19

I hope youre right fiveisanawfullybignumber. Im not really that close to her mum (TBH I have never got on with her) and her dad will probably just fly off the handle so I dont know what do for the best, maybe I shouldnt have done anything.

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Buda · 10/12/2009 14:24

I think you did completely the right thing. She is just having a teenage strop with you. She will come round.

I would email her back saying something along the lines of:

"I am sorry you felt I was picking on you. I was really concerned to see that photo. You are my niece and I love you and want to make sure you are safe. I am sure you have seen news reports of girls being groomed by people they meet on the internet. Photos that are too provocative can lead to dangerous situations and to people thinking badly of you. You are lovely and funny and beautiful and worth so much more than that."

asteri · 10/12/2009 14:26

thanks buda

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Buddleja · 10/12/2009 14:40

I think that's great advice from Buda - so have nothing else to add except nodding in agreement with what she said

thedollshouse · 10/12/2009 14:52

I have had exactly the same situation with my great niece. I told my niece (her mother) but she couldn't see the problem. The photo was of her wearing bra and knickers, with her bum stuck out and pouting her lips (she was 13).

I am starting to feel like an old fogey. My other niece who is 18 and can obviously put up what she wants has a topless photo of herself (nipples not shown) with her boyfriend draped across her. I find it odd that people feel the need to express their sexuality to all and sundry but I am starting to feel that I am in the minority.

asteri · 10/12/2009 16:28

thedollshouse, I dont think you are in the minority. I have exactly the same POV.

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