AIBU in NOT teaching my DS (aged 3) the alphabet?

[gotogirl]

DS1 has just turned three and got a couple of those electronic "learn the alphabet" V-Tech type games from relatives. So far, DS shows no interest whatever in letters (numbers, oh yes, but letters, not so much), not even when I show him the first letter of his name or his brother's name with foam letters in the bath. If I do try to show him letters, say in the bath, the conversation goes like this:

Me: oh, look, it's the letter M. Your name begins with the letter M. M is for Matt.

DS: Mummy, the water is too hot.

Me: OK, I'll put some more cold in. Look, here's the letter P. Your brother's name begins with a P.

DS: Mummy, do I have to wash my hair tonight?

etc.

So, tbh, I just can't really face sitting down with some electronic gadget and trying to get him to learn sounds or letters or recognise letter shapes. He just doesn't seem interested / ready. He goes to a lovely nursery 5 mornings a week, which is all play-based, he loves it there, has friends, participates well, generally no problems. But I know some of his friends already know the alphabet and now with the arrival of these bloody blessed Vtech gadgets, I am starting to think should I be making more effort. But then the other bit of me thinks, he will learn all this in school in good time, when he's ready, taught by a teacher who is trained to teach kids the alphabet. So why bother?

I suppose I am really asking, if he does learn the alphabet early, does this benefit him in anyway when he starts school? Does he then go in the fast-track to Oxbridge set? Or do all the kids have to do the alphabet in Reception whether or not they have been coached at home till they know it perfectly already?
So, AIBU to leave him playing and enjoying life without turning up the heat to get him alphabetted up?

I've really enjoyed DD1 (5) learning her phonic sounds at school. She has appraoched it with such enthusiasm and is learning to read at a rate of knots. It's brilliant. She loves school and finds learning to read fascinating. I never taught her the alphabet (pre-school did a little bit) and I'm glad now because she is so engaged and enthusiastic. It is all new to her.

So I would just foster a love of books, drawing (to improve pencil control) and social skills. There's plenty of time for everything else.

No no no no no. YANBU. If he isn't interested, pushing him to learn will only make him less so. He'll get it when he gets it. Most 3 year olds who can recite the alphabet can't actually read, or even identify the individual letters, its usually just a song they know.
Few children (especially boys) are damaged by learning to read later, however many children (boys in particular) are switched right off reading by being pushed ahead of time. Stick to your guns & don't compare your lovely DS with other pushy parents children.

DS learned the alphabet on its own. He loved magnets and the cheapest ones I could get where alphapbet ones. I'm sure he was able to recognise most letters before he turned 3.

Then he went to school and had to re learn all the alphabet again as the magnets were capital letters rather than lowcase. He started reading at 3.5 and now, at 6 reads at the level of a Year 3 kid, which is not much help anyway, all his love of reading is disappearing as his new school keep providing books that are in his opinion babyish and do not present much challenge. Having said that, he is an eager reader of parents newsletters and the newspaper

And agree 100% about not pushing him to learn, the more you push the more they resist it!

I just left DS (5) to indicate if he was interested. Overall he wasn't! He used to love getting a packet of alphabet biscuits and picking out the letters but that was it. He started school this year, and his writing was very poor compared to the others in his class, but he's quickly caught up - and he's way ahead in maths as he always loved numbers. My sister is a very experienced teacher and she says to only do what they are interested in because the school spend the first year getting everyone up to the same level.

yanbu - If he's not interested then there is no point pushing him. Ds started reception at 4 1/4 knowing hardly any letters and barely able to write his name. By the end of the first term he had all of the letters and many of the 2 letter blends off pat. DD was completley diferent and started school (at 4 1/4) able to read.

I genuinely believe that boys are much slower to get interested in reading and writing. I've seen some of the pushy mums at nursery force reading and writing onto their kids and they children get completley turned off of the whole thing.

At our school everyone does the alphabet phonics in reception (complete with hand actions). What I did find helpful with DS was to use his car / plane obsession to help him learn. He used to sit in the front seat of the car and I would get gim to read the numberplate and model no of the car in front.

My friend taught numbers and the alphabet really early so her DC was very ahead when school started...DD was about average for going from pre-school to reception...

Now in year 1 and DD is ahead in terms of reading and sums so I don't think early learning achieves much.

And it is more fun to go to the park and run around than teach the alphabet...I let the school teachers do it, to earn their money!

YANBU

YADefinatleyNBU

Plently of time for all that later, why push them now at a preschool age when they are still working hard at making sense of the world.

DS (3 1/2) has some very focused ideas on what he wants to learn about/play with and that's what is so great about this time, it can be so unstructured.

It'll all be much of a muchness by the end of the first term anyway.

Good luck and I share solidarity in rejecting electronic toys for them!

xMad

Agree with others, don't push it, go with the flow if and when he shows an interest - having said that the alphabet "song" is not bad to learn at a very young age though....

ds never showed any interrest at all in letters/numbers until he was nearly 6. Would not have any of it, and much to the horror of other parents I new who had thier kids in prep nurseries form 2 and a half, I never pushed him to.

At six and a half however, he was working his way through the Rolhd Dahl and Harry Pitter collections. (His is HE though, so we aould have probably run into probs with teachers if he had been at school).

If I had pushed him it would have been tears and tantrums for everyone.

What smallorange said. My DS was and is exactly the same.

The only letters he knew were the letters to his name, and since starting reception, he learnt the alphabet very quickly and is now absolutely flying with his reading.

Your DS is only 3. Let him dictate what he wants to learn at this age.

YANBU - they all catch up in the end and it levels out. You can't force it if they don't want to do it and I don't think, leaving it to school has a detrimental effect. Neither of my two showed any interest in reading before they started school. DS2 even got taught Jolly phonics and it made no impact (although imo Jolly phonics is silly).

That hasn't stopped either of them being above average readers now (aged 9 and 6).

If a child is ready and willing and keen to learn then of course you should help them out but I wouldn't deliberately try to teach anything until it has to be taught at school, with the exception maybe of recognising their names but only because it is useful but a lot of pre-schools work on that too.

There is apparently some benefit in sign recognition as a first stage to letter recognition, eg, recognising a Sainsbury's or Tesco's sign, or the maker's badge on a car. A lot more fun too.

YANBU. If it's any comfort, I got into Oxford despite not learning the alphabet until I was about 7 All my friends knew the 'alphabet song' but I wasn't very interested.

Carol Vorderman taught my DS1 his alphabet.

I used to watch Countdown every day, and suddenly lo! DS1 could read car numberplates (he knew his numbers already). I was bemused as to how this had happened, then I realised he could only read capitals, which gave me the vital clue.

Then all I had to do was stop him from wearing dreadful jumpers and making appalling puns.

Actuallu, AKMD has just reminded me, ds (7) couldn't recite the alphabet properly with no mistakes until a few weeks ago - despite being able to read Harry Potter and spell better than me!

YANBU.

I read to my children (aged four and five), do lots of crafts etc but I cannot teach them the alphabet - it's really hard. They can both recite some of the ABC song but neither know their letter yet, despite both being quite bright in other areas.

I leave it up to the teachers!

ROFL BalloonSlayer.

DS is 3.9 and he goes to a lovely nursery. Now that he's in the oldest group he has a classroom exercise once a week where he learns numbers, shapes, letters and starts to learn to read. He also brings home homework once a week which is usually a book and a couple of exercises based on finding letters, numbers or matching shapes. He absolutely loves it. All the kids in his group do.

He's just generally interested though - he loves spotting his curly letter (his name begins with S) and the rest of his family and friends' letters. He also loves watching Super Why.