to be deeply concerned over this situation

[LeggyBlonde]

I am a reg who has name changed for this.

The situation is really worrying me to the point that I am considering contacting SS over it.

I will try and keep it factual and brief.

I know someone who has 3 children all girls ranging from 6 to 2 yrs.

dd1 is an adorable, cheeky but feisty little girl who i love to bits

dd2 is a gorgeous girl who is very quiet but says what she needs to say iyswim?

dd3 is cheeky and cute.

the situation is

dd1 as i say is feisty, and can be challenging but having spent 3 weeks staying with the family all i saw was a little girl wanting attention.

dd2 is not a brilliant talker at 3 but she says what needs to be said, she is kind of the odd one out of the family.

dd3 is mummys fav and oh so perfect.

DD1 has an adorable princess bedroom all kitted out for her.

DD2 and DD3 share a room, gated, bare bed bar a thin sheet. but no bottom sheet.

DD2 and DD3 are often left crying in the morning when mummy and daddy can't be bothered to get up/too hungover to get up.

NONE of the dds are good eaters, all are craving attention in their own way.

Anyway the thing that really concerns me is the parents are trying to find something wrong with the older 2 dd's...its almost as if they are willing there to be something wrong when in fact it is nothing that a bit of time and effort wouldn't cure.

neither want to work either....its almost as if money being gained from a child with a disabilty is what they are after.

Obviously the parents need to sort themselves out. Nothing more to it.

Maybe you should point that out. If they were sober and/or not hungover the next day, they would probably feel less sorry for themselves and get on with being (better) parents.

Very difficult. Is there any way you could gently sit them down and explain that is hard for ALL OF US being parents.
Drinking and moaning will not help.

Sadly this is typically the situation that is likely to fester. I would not call SS but definitely keep a close watch as you seem genuinely concerned. You might have to step in eventually. Are you prepared to?

For the safety of the children if it came to it then yes i would step in.

I started this thread because of genuine concern. ATM they are trying to get 1 of the dd's dx as being autistic. And although I am not an expert, I know enough children who are to see she isn't, not even mildly. She is just left to her own devices far too often, they say she doesn't talk yet when I stayed she was talking to me.

As I say I am concerned because they do need to sort themselves out before they end up regretting their actions.

"its almost as if money being gained from a child with a disabilty is what they are after."

Have you seen what a DLA form looks like? Or have any idea how incredibly complicated it is to evidence and complete? Unlikely they'll be able to access it I'd have thought.
Most people with a disabled or spectrum child get no financial support at all.

Goblin unortunatly I have more than enough experience of the forms, the complication etc.
I also know that the financial support is little to none. But you and I knowing this and this family not understanding this are 2 different things.

I am only repeating the things said by them themselves....

Sounds like there are several issues here

• pathologising their childrens' behaviour by looking for a diagnosis of anything at all to either get financial support, or to explain challenging behaviour without having to reflect on their own parenting

-drinking too much alcohol regularly which leads to neglect of the children in the nights and mornings

-general neglect eg no suitable bedding

Individually they are all worrying but not (unless there is more neglect that you haven't mentioned) high enough to meet SS threasholds. Please do call them for a chat though, as you will be able to furnish them with more details that I don't have.

I would be very concerned about all of these. If their parenting is questionable then the children may hve challenging behaviours but trying to get a diagnosis to explain them helps nobody. The sooner they realise that children need parenting to develop properly the better. I think this is a situation where the family need to band together and speak to them. Of course SS might do it but for all they would do it would be a bit of a waste of time. Better that the family tackle it, TBH.

Again - please, if there is more than you have said, do call SS to discuss it all.

"As I say I am concerned because they do need to sort themselves out before they end up regretting their actions."

You sound as if you already know that this is going to get much worse.

Maybe better give SS a call now and give the parents a "wake up call".

"I have spoken to other family members and whilst there is a lot of concern there are not many who want to get too involve"

Someone has to get involved for the sake of these children. I agree with kats last post.

Maybe try ringing their local doc surgery and try to speak to their helth visitor.
She might be able to subtly get involved, esp as they are trying to get a dx for DD1, great excuse for spending some time with the family and giving tips and advice.
Try getting some grobags for the kids for Xmas maybe, no more being tangled in sheets and they even go up to really big child sizes. They also do duvet systems that will not get tangled, poppers onto special fitted bottom sheets.
Good luck, and I can see why you are concerned, just tread softly.

www.bumpto3.com/gro/gro_grobags/blossom_fair_by_grobag_?VID=AAA1778

So neither of the parents work then ??

joanne34 - what so are we to assume then that they absolutely must be guilty of neglect because they don't work?

Agree with Shiney. If you have specific concerns- not things like they don't work etc, you should pass them on.

BoF, I did not want to go in guns ablazing and call. I wanted to get other peoples opinions and this site is very good for that.

Its obvious that I have concerns but i just needed to get it all down in one place so i could go over it if that makes sense.

Thankyou ALL for your advice.