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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking that my stepfather should not take it upon himself to tell 4yo ds that father christmas doesnt exist?

20 replies

lissielouskissingsantaclaus · 08/12/2009 21:43

meant to post this earlier but with eardrum issues i forgot, i did one of those PNP videos for ds and he was entranced, he showed it to PIL's who both made a big deal about FC contacting him specially to tell him how good he has been. decided to show it to my mum and SD too. thought they would love it as much as PIL's and we did.

anyway, it took a while to load, so SD turned to ds and said "see, he doesnt exist after all, santa's not real"

i wa not happy, gave him daggers but didnt want to cause a fuss in front of ds, dh said v loudly "of course he's real, the message has to come a long way"

they are only innocent for so long and this year ds really understands Christmas and is really looking forward to it. dont need some incompetant moron trying to ruin it for him. they messed him around last year about seeing the trains for the day, and i really dont know why i bother anymore if it werent for ds i would just cut them out.

in fact, i knnow INBU!

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoTinsel · 08/12/2009 21:44

YANBU. I would be fuming

LadyGlenChristmasPresent · 08/12/2009 21:46

YA so NBU.
Lissielou's SD for example, is a grade A twat with a sprig of holly on top.
Well done to your quickthinking DH.

Hulababy · 08/12/2009 21:49

YANBU. I'd have been furious with SD and would have had to say something to him about it afterwards, out of your DS's earshot.

Glad your DH managed to think quickly.

GeneHuntsMistress · 08/12/2009 21:53

jesus YAsoooooooNBU

i would shoot him and i dont think there is a court in the land that would send you down for it either. arsehole.

anyway rant over, watch Polar Express with your DS and let him see for himself what is REALLY true

madwomanintheattic · 08/12/2009 21:54

it was just a joke though, wasn't it? a bit too adult a joke to be appreciated about a technical hitch in earshot, but a joke?
dh's response was spot on, and probably sd realised he had made a bit of a faux pas?

he didn't actually say, 'young man, it's a big fat lie' - he made a joke about the video not working....

... but then i'm trying to work out how to tell my 10yo that he doesn't exist so that she doesn't get beaten up in secondary... ds1 and dd2 (8 and 6) have both told me categorically that a - it's people dressing up, and b - your mum and dad put the presents under the tree when you've gone to bed... and this started at about 5 lol...

i'm sure sd will tailor his approach.

Shellseeker · 08/12/2009 21:56

Obviously only people who believe in Father Christmas get presents...same as with the tooth fairy! Use that as an excuse not to uy your SD anything this year!

Original poster
lissielouskissingsantaclaus · 08/12/2009 21:57

phew, I just dont know why i keep them in my life, they make promises and then break them, my DB is getting married next year and all i hear about now is how much they love their future DIL and they totally disregard my parenting of ds, if they want to give him sweets right before dinner, they will. then they keep on about it, they seem to want ds to thank them over and over again.

i may have issues with them

OP posts:
2Shoots · 08/12/2009 21:58

You are totally reasonable and your SD needs a kick up the backside (metaphorically of course) for spreading such malicious lies. Of course FC is real!!!!

Original poster
lissielouskissingsantaclaus · 08/12/2009 21:59

madwoman, im not sure it was. his "jokes" are never really jokes iykwim

OP posts:
Bigbadmummy · 08/12/2009 22:00

Tell him Santa might not exist but Father Christmas does. And he has now seen the proof before his own eyes!!

YANBU... your step father is out of order.

When you little one has gone to bed I would tell your stepfather that you do not appreciate comments like that.

crankytwanky · 08/12/2009 22:00

What a cock!

Heated · 08/12/2009 22:02

"Ha, Ha, senile old grandad" would be my venomous response but you and dh handled it beautifully. Wonder if he got an earful once you were gone?

Original poster
lissielouskissingsantaclaus · 08/12/2009 22:06

to be fair to my mum she did make "silly grandad, we can see him there!" noises. I just dont now how he can think that its right for him to say that in front of a 4yo who is excited about Christmas and wrote and posted his own letter this year because he wants father christmas to visit

OP posts:
GreenMonkies · 08/12/2009 22:09

Why would anyone say something like this to a 4 year old? Even as a joke??

CardyMow · 09/12/2009 01:41

lol at madwomaninthe attick about the 10yo. MY 11yo DD unfortunately doesn't believe in FC, but the tooth fairy is a different matter (and she IS at secondary...). It may have something to do with the fact that she's losing her teeth very late, she lost her first back tooth only 2 weeks ago, but still, I hope she hasn't told anyone at school that the tooth fairy left her a pound.....

CardyMow · 09/12/2009 01:42

OH and your SD is an idiot! did he not have kids of his own??

nooka · 09/12/2009 06:08

For myself I would have cringed through any 'lets pretend Santa/FC is really really real' stuff, as I find the whole palaver really odd and not for me what Christmas is about at all, but I probably would have done my best to hide that from everyone else. My parents (very Christian, and with no Santa/FC traditions) would probably look to leave the room if possible if you tried to have them join in something like that, so you should bear in mind that some people really associate Santa/FC with commercialising Christmas and aren't keen at all. But having said that it sounds like you have issues with your SD for lots of reasons, and his comment might have been part of a series of little digs, which I am sure make you very cross and upset.

Original poster
lissielouskissingsantaclaus · 09/12/2009 08:17

am still v cross about it, SD had two children with my mum but has a rather cruel "sense of humour" eg, if ds has had a bad dream he will say "well the boogedy man will get you in the end"

nooka, i8 think the key is though that you wouldnt go out of your way to tell a lo that he doesnt exist. its not his place and at some point soon ds will stop believing, i find that v sad. ds knows the origins of christmas too, but my family arent particularly religious anyway. it was nowt to do with the real meaning of Christmas and everything to do with him being a nasty twat!

OP posts:
nooka · 09/12/2009 16:57

I think that's the key though isn't it (the nasty twat bit). If that's the way he is then I'd be looking at how to avoid him as much as possible in future, and not sharing anything of any importance to you or your ds with him. Too much potential for hurt.

Original poster
lissielouskissingsantaclaus · 10/12/2009 08:46

i know nooka, but I dont want to stop ds seeing them. i think its important that he knows his family (good or bad). my mum told me for years that her mother had died when she (my mum) was 14, i found out recently that she only died 10y ago, and had in fact run off with another man. my parents separated when i was born, didnt meet my dad til i was 16. found out that id played with my lil sis as a child without realising. that still hurts me now tbh and i dont want ds to grow up not knowing his gp's as much as i hate them.

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