to not want to do the Brownies run??

[macdoodle]

Bear with me this is complicated!
DD1 (8) goes to Brownies in the village, 2 other girls in our road go as well, one of the girls is my best friends daughter (friend 1)!
We have another good friend (friend 2) in the next village, who has a DD the same age!
Friend 2 decided she wanted to move her DD to the Brownie group in our village as "they did more", and she knew our 2 girls!

Her house is close, but 5-10min drive each way! You can walk to the group from my house.

I am a single parent with 2 DD's, DD1 who is 8, and a little one DD2 is nearly 2! I work part time but Tues (brownie day) is a long day for me, and then a rush to get DD1 for after school club and DD2 from CM, get DD1 ready, and a tired DD2 ready for bed!

My friends are wonderful TBH and do help a lot, though when friend 2 moved her DD to our Brownie group, she "suggested" that she would pick our 2 up and drop them off at brownies and me and friend 1 could share the collecting and dropping off after!
This sounds fair but actually its a right royal pain, we could walk to our group, but now one of us has to get all 3 girls, drive to the next village, drop friends 2 DD off and drive back, often a half hour journey at 8pm, when really its a matter of mins when its just us 2!

Friend 1 (my best friend) is marvellous, and very rarely lets me do the picking up, as she knows its my DD2's bedtime and it would be very late dragging DD2 out then dropping friend 2 daughter home!

We have tried to say a few times, very nicely that she doesnt need to pick our girls up and maybe its more complicated than need be, especially in the summer when its a nice walk!
Anyway she says she is happy with how it is and doesnt mind dropping off every week (bit considering she has to come here to drop her DD off and its really our of our way to take her DD home its no surprise really)!

She has a DH but I dont like him, he works away a lot and does very little when he IS home!

Anyway, Friend 1's DD hasnt been going for a few weeks (ill, other activities, family things etc), Friend 2 said she would pick up my DD and bring her back as she knows what a pain it is with DD2 (she has a DS who is 3), and she has done for a few weeks as her DH is home and can stay home with DS!

Anyway tonight she asks if I would mind picking up her DD next week and taking her to Brownies, then Friend 1 would do the other way and drop them all home! She hasnt actually asked Friend 1 yet, and I wouldnt be surprised if she doesnt go which means I woudl have to do both ways which will be a nightmare with DD2 and a late evening

TBH I would rather DD1 didnt go at all, or would ask the other mum in our street who I know would happily get DD1 and bring her back for me!

But I dont feel I can say no after all se has done to help me (am just kind of feeling that she only "helps" me because she is coming anyway and then doesnt have to come out later)!
Its turned into a right bind TBH and am really not wanting to do next week, I actually work near her house but her DD wont be home when I finish work, so I will have to come home, get my 2 walk them home, get them ready and then spend the rest of the evening running about with my poor DD2 in the car !

Bugger am well peed off we should have dealt with this before now really!!

YANBU

Just say as nice;y as you can that you can't help her out as having your youngest makes it very difficult and that you appreciate her help, but feel bad her helping you when you can't reciprocate.

She must realise what (unnecessary for you) pain it is to have to get in the car versus walking. Just bite the bullet and tell her.

honestly? i would do it next week, because it'll be the last week of term, and christmas party, and there'll be tons of blooming glittery craft nonsense to carry, but i would let everyone know that in the new year you will be resuming walking, as a new year's resolution for eco and fitness reasons. you are trying to cut down on unnecessary car journeys.
plenty of time to make other arrangements.

you and friend 1 need to tell her firmly that the whole thing isn't working for you any more

oh yes madwoman has it! the perfect excuse, new year resolutions, definitely do that

I agree with madwoman. Grin and bear it for one more week, then be firm and say it's not working for you. Brownies is a late enough night without having to do an unnecessary car journey. If Friend 2 wants her daughter to be in that pack, she's going to have to make her own arrangements.

Liftshares can be more trouble than they are worth. I have been in a similar situation myself and it is a PITA to have to go out of your way, even though it doesn't sound a huge deal.

madwomanintheattic's solution is very good - gets you out of it without making a big deal of it. one more week of it being a pita and then you can wrap it up. you could make up any number of vaguely logical reasons why it's not going to work for you next term.

round of applause for madwoman!

lolol

Ah well its as bad as I suspected !
Spoke to friend 1 this morning and as I had suspected her DD isnt going next week, that means I will have to rush home from work get my 2 home and sorted, back in car (unnecesary we could walk, or the other mum in the street would take my DD), go blardy 10 mins in the opposute direction to get friend 2's DD, drive back to my village, drop them off, take a ratty tired DD2 home, try and entertain her and keep her awake (or else have to wake her up to collect them ), brownies is late finish next week because of xmas party, so blardy drive to collect them, drive back another 10mins drop friend 2's DD home (the reason she cant do it is something about her fecking lazy H needing the car!!), and then finally get my 2 home am guessing will be almost 9pm by then - poor DD2 will be shattered beyond belief!!

I just cant see anyway not to do it this time, if I say no and send my DD with the mum in the street, I guess it means friend 2's DD wont be able to go and I couldnt do that to her, and suspect my friendship with friend 2 would be badly damaged! She has done a lot of running about with my DD, the thing is all unneccesary as far as I am concerned as would have been no trouble for the mum in the street to do it as she is here and going anyway, and friend2 has to come here to drop her DD off anyway!

Bah this makes no sense I guess, am just hating being a single parent, I have to drag DD2 out 3 times in the evenings to get/drop DD1 from/various things
I can try and see if a neighbour will watch her for me if she is asleep but I hate to ask

Have told Friend 1 that I am going to tell Friend 2 that the arrangement will have to stop in the new year as we are going to make an effort to walk (thank you)

Am just generally peeved with both of them which is not helping, Friend 1 has become obsessed with her DD's skating career and literally that is all she talks about (doesnt ask how I am or my DD or what she is up to, I can barely get a word in and am sick of hearing about it), and also discovered that friend 2 took her DD to see friend 1's DD in said skating show, normally would ask if my DD wanted to go but neither of them did this year, so DD1 is upset and I am feeling a bit left out/hacked off
Roll on 2010

woah! You need to ditch them all and get yourself some new friends!

You are a single mother for goodness sake, can't they see that it is really hard for you to do the dropping off when you have got your little one to consider?

Go for the simple life, just walk to brownies.

I know it's difficult when you don't want to offend friends, but if they are real friends they will see your predicament.

I can't believe friend 2 has the nerve to suggest an ongoing arrangement like that!

And to ask for both ways next week is even more unbelievable!

You need to leave the others to their own arrangements I think. Be firm that walking suits you better

does your dd really want to go to the xmas party?
i'd be tempted to say you cant go next week cos dc 2 is ill

YANBU - for some reason, any taxi driving I do for my DDs' after-school activities winds me up to the nth degree. And that's without factoring other children in! So I agree with the others - ditch the driving.

YANBU but your use of !'s is.