to wonder why some family members cannot respect one another more..especially in the run up to Christmas...

[mistletoekisses]

This is about no particular thread, but am at the amount of threads on here where people are posting about situations where family members are being anywhere from stubborn about arrangements to outright rude and disrespectful.

Is there something about Christmas that makes people think they can throw their weight around/ engage in emotional blackmail? Behaviours I am sure wouldnt happen any other time of year??

AIBU (or slightly naive) to think that Christmas should be fun with everyone just muddling along. Why make it harder on those closest to us this time of year?

It's not just Xmas - my family are like it all year round! You're right, it is very

Depends on thesit though doesn't it? We dont have the problem but I can uimagine if you have major issues with someone, avoid them all year then get them thrust upon yu when thingsare moststressful- tis not ideal.

/r4ally it depends- if its a mil who bougth you thewrong bottle of perfume lasy tear or made a sarky comment at your wdding 17 years ago- then .

If otoh the eprsion has amde your life a constant misery,decaredopen warfare and not normally allowed over your threshold except it would mortify Great Aunt Irma- then its fiddly.

But then if you cannot show charity at Christmas...

MILchooses not todarken our door annd Dh prefers it that way but if she shows up she will 9well wont coz she wouldnt) be invited in with festive spirit. as the same way she is posted a nice gift eeach year, even thogh I know it will sit unopened on the wardrobe forever.

Sorry, post should come with a random musings alert.

Was feeling all happy and content and then FIL starts throwing his weight around re Christmas arrangements. I just don't geddit. Have left it in the hands of dh with orders to keep his pg wife happy!

I guess it must depend on the situation. But from some of the threads on here, some people seem to go out of their way to make other peoples lives difficult...and I cannot understand their motives.....

what on earth do these people get out of causing rifts and arguments?? they cannot possible be ignorant to the problems they are causing.

mistletoe I will give you my mil's phone number and perhaps you could ring and discuss this with her. Please post back and let us know how you get on.

Just a few tips; her response to any hint or her not getting her own way she will slam the phone down or swear at you. This will be closely followed by fil ringing back to accuse us of "upsetting my wife"

(if you tell her that you agree with her homophobic and racist views and you fully agree that her dil is a cow then you will get on fine)

Meanwhile nothing is ever sorted and she sort of limps through Christmas finding new issues with which to find fault/take offence. I think that for her this is part of what makes Christmas enjoyable.

Upsets lots of other people including my dh, but as long as she is happy then I guess that is what matters.

Yanbu

I think some parents get so wrapped up in how they did christmas they forget that their dc's want to do their own thing.

I can't wait until BIL gets married and has children so MIL will go to Germany where lives and works so we won't have to see her.

As Dh is the family 'whipping boy' and i hate to see him being picked on. So now we go on boxing day and for the shortest time we can get away with.

mistletoe: I'm also at a loss to understand how vile some people can be. I think it's just because they can, and they enjoy that. Christmas and birthdays seem to be the times when they think they can exert the maximum pressure, for whatever purposes enter their tiny minds. But when people are having to deal with such selfish relatives all the year round, Christmas just means even more pressure. I just feel really really sorry for parents who are having to dance to someone else's tune instead of enjoying a couple of days having a happy time with their children - shared with whoever can put the children's happiness before their own.

The thing is these people are not just like it at christmas usually, but the whole year round.

Unfortunately there is a lot of societal pressure that you must see your family at christmas and that family must be put up with/forgiven no matter what they do. Added to that the extra stress that christmas brings to a lot of people.

Someone at work told me a couple of weeks ago - 'if you don't see someone for the rest of the year, remember why'.

I have been amazed at some of the posts about family members who try and be awkward, seemingly for the hell of it. I'm glad I don't have this problem as we do the same thing every year and thats how it will stay until my GPs are no longer here. Then I will make my own xmas and if there is anyone who doesn't like it, they can shove off.

Glad I am not the only one who is taken aback at the to do some people cause. Makes me realise that I am very lucky to have a family who does the same. If we manage to get together and it suits everyone, then great. If not, then that is fine too.

Times have changed, families have moved hundreds of miles apart. It simply is not that easy for everyone to see one another over a few days!

It is sad/odd when people seem to treat one another like sh!t all year but expect an invite for Christmas lunch!