to be annoyed that our weekend is on hold due to SIL's boyfriend's 'loony' ex and her 'tantrums'?

[MadreInglese]

We were invited a while ago to my family's pre-Christmas get together next week, but we declined because SIL had already said that she and her fella were coming up to visit that weekend with his children.

Then their visit was cancelled. Then it was back on again. Now apparently them coming up is a possibility but it's all on hold as his ex has had a tantrum over some trivial argument and is saying he can't currently have the kids. I am told this happens a lot.

My family are still asking if we'd like to come as they would miss us (the other do is a few hours drive away so not like we can just decide to go at the last minute). We're saying no at the moment as DP is hoping his sister will come up, but in reality it looks like we'll end up seeing neither family!

I don't really know SIL's bloke, or whether he or the ex is the nutter, I really don't want to get involved. It's just so annoying as this is about the third time that a visit has been cancelled/back on/cancelled/etc and our plans have been moved for them and then messed about. I also feel that all this chaos is grossly unfair on the children, but not my place to say anything really.

DP & I are seriously tempted to just say we're off to the other family do and leave SIL's fella to sort out his access arrangements (I know I know it's not always easy and clear cut)

AIBU?

Whether he has the children or not surely SIl and the DP could visit?

Not sure i'd want my kids going off to spend the weekend with people neither they nor their father knew th. seems an odd arrangement

Sorry, it's a bit complicated!

We've met him and his children a few times (they have stayed with us with their mother's consent), he and SIL seem very keen on us all getting to know the children better and so have said if he can't bring the kids then there's no point them coming up alone

We've changed plans around a few times in the past to fit them in (no big deal I know but it is a pain when it involves swapping days off work, etc) but nothing is ever a definite plan. Maybe I need to chill out a bit but surely it's more stable for the kids to know where they are going when rather than all these last minute decisions.

I would never dream of telling my ex that he couldn't see DD just because we'd argued. It is all being blamed on his ex at the moment and I'm not sure if she is just being a bit scapegoated IYSWIM

families, eh?!

They (SIL etc..) are being unreasonable if they expect you to hang around for them to commit at this busy time of year.

Unless you haven't told them you have a better another offer.

Agree to re-schedule in the New Year and go off to your family's do.

I'd say to SIL that you should reschedule for after xmas to give them time to sort things out and go to your family.

Yes they do know we've turned down my family

Not that we're busy socialites but this time of year gets a bit crackers (pardon the pun!)

YANBU at all. Why don't you say to SIL 'look, we'd really like to see you and the kids but its the same weekend as xyz...since you're still not sure what's going on, why don't we leave it until January when everything has calmed down and the dcs will get to see their gps in the meantime'? But you do need to convince your DP first!

Hmmm doing it in Jan might be an option

I would say yes to your family and tell SIL that you will see her in January.