Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to be slightly annoyed that my MW appt has been cancelled

29 replies

fernie3 · 08/12/2009 10:46

I have had an awful two days, my daughter is ill with ANOTHER UTI (shes has had 4 since september). And to top it all off she had threadworm, aparently it is going around the class and of course she is one of the ones who has picked it up. I have a major worm phobia and spent most of the night having panic attacks at the thought of worms being in the house let alone inside my daughter.
Anyway I was supposed to have my booking in appointment today the midwife turned up firstly going to the wrong house in my street and therefor announcing to my nosey neighbours that I am pregnant. Then she had only been here 5 minutes(enough time to sit and open her book) and the phone rang some woman thought she was in labour so the midwife had to go. I assumed she was having a home birth.

I know the poor woman couldnt help being in labour but I can help being slightl annoyed! Ok I am being unreasonable to expect her to hold it in but am I unreasonable to be a little annoyed especially when she was only having contractions ever 10 minutes? (the midwifes phone was incredibly loud) she didnt sound like a woman about to give birth to me!

OP posts:

Reallytired · 08/12/2009 11:05

Second time labours are nortiously fast. It might be a nuisance having your booking appointment cancelled, however it would not be as a bad as an unassisted birth.

I only had one midwife at the birth of my daughter because the second midwife was doing a visit and did not get there in time. Thankfully nothing went wrong, but it could have been a disaster.

It does seeem a strange system having booking appointments at your house. In our area we go to the doctor's surgery. For homebirths there is a designated midwife on call each day. Ante natal appointments are on days when the community midwife is not on call for homebirths.

Original poster

fernie3 · 08/12/2009 11:09

It is strange I was at the surgery last week, you have to go up there for the first appointment and then they arrange to come to your house to do the proper one. I suppose you are right and I should know this from experience! my three have been - 3 hours, 1,5 hours and 3 hours!. It would make more sense for them to have midwives nto doing other visits if they are on call for homebirths as she clearly had a full da on her diary which will all be cancelled now.

OP posts:

aendr · 08/12/2009 17:04

I got the impression that part of the reason for a home visit is so that the midwife can get an idea if you are you going to need extra help. Also, some mothers are more comfortable at home than in a medical environment so getting an idea of "normal" responses is better. It's the same reason some mothers have home births - a relaxed labour will often go better. (Am I the only person who is more relaxed in hospital where there's lots of support... and the place smells a little like my mother (a nurse)?)

waddlelikeaduck · 08/12/2009 17:16

I'm afraid being cancelled is not limited to your ante-natal appointments and you anbu ...

I had an emcs, was trying for a vbac, on 22 nov, pretty much ignored on the ward as I was quiet and tried to cope on own, although there were complications re putting me back together meaning I had to have iv antibiotics and anti clotting meds and had lost more blood than normal. I left hospital on 25 nov and I have had 2, yes just 2 visits from midwives since... I have had 3 appointments cancelled/no shows and the latest being tonight... No idea if I'm healing as I should be, lochia still heavy etc but luckily dd is doing well, although she woke with a snotty nose today... .

Its sad but there is a real shortage of midwives and you'll prob experience more cancelled appointments etc....

Congratulations on the pregnancy though!!

Northernlurker · 08/12/2009 17:29

YABU to be miffed by this. Your midwife was I suspect covering for somebody else's absence and trying to be everything for everybody today. You will get your booking in done eventually and there's no way that's more important than a woman in labour!

Spillage21 · 08/12/2009 17:33

But when you are in labour - if you are a group practice or caseload team - the MWs will be dropping everything to attend you...what goes around, etc.

As for on call MWs not doing any visits, the service can't support that. Last weekend my colleague was up at a birth in the night so didn't come in the next day, which left me to do all the daytime visits, carry the pager and be on call in the night. I left home at 930 in the morning, and apart for a 2 hour pop home to prepare tea, I worked until 530am the following morning.

MamaLazarou · 08/12/2009 18:17

YAB a bit U about the midwife having to leave to attend a birth - it is her priority, after all. Labour is more urgent than a booking-in appointment (regardless of how far advanced you consider it to be from overhearing a telephone conversation )

YANBU, however, to be annoyed at her telling your neighbours! Very unprofessional of her!

thisisyesterday · 08/12/2009 18:26

yes, yabvu!!!!

the midwife had to go to attend a homebirth, get over it!
i phoned the midwife when i went into labour with ds3, and he was born before they arrived. so I don't give 2 hoots whether YOU thought she was about to give birth, she had priority over you!

it's just a booking in appt, hardly the end of the world. you're only pregnant fgs, not like you were in dire need of medical attention.

when you're in labour I hope you remember this, and if your midwife says "oh, sorry, I'd come and be with you, only this other lady wants her booking appt, do you mind waiting?" you'd bne ok with that yes?

also, bear in mind that a booking appt takes forever... there wasn't much point the midwife starting it if she would have to leave halfway through was there?

so yes, totally unreasonable

AND, (sorry, ,will shut up in a minute), it was a mistake going to the wrong house. ever made one of those? thought so

thisisyesterday · 08/12/2009 18:28

bearing in mind very few people have homebirths, and no-one knows when a lady will go into labour it would be a HUGE waste of money and resources to have 2 midwives sitting around doing bugger all every day just waiting for a labouring woman to phone.

of course they have to get on with their job, and they prioritise, and a labouring woman comes top

VirginPeachyMotherOfSpod · 08/12/2009 18:36

AIBU that I alled my MW to say I was having contraction every ten mnutes for my baby, MW refused to leave the appt so Dh ended up delivering a precipitous birth in the bathroom?

Because that is the other side isn't it?

Of course YANBU to feelmildly peeved but thats about it.

VirginPeachyMotherOfSpod · 08/12/2009 18:37

(btw- my birth zero to deliveryt in 35 minutes) thank goodness mw dropped everything!

Original poster

fernie3 · 08/12/2009 19:03

at no point did I suggest that she shouldnt have gone,just that I was a little annoyed that the appointment had to be rearranged thats all!.

thisisyesterday when I am in labour I will be happy if a midwife will glance my way this time, my three so far have been born in a corridor, a side room and a bathroom of a hospital three babies and not one of them did a midwife drop everything!. In fact my daughter was injured during the birth (corridor) and yes I complained.

OP posts:

Reallytired · 08/12/2009 21:07

In our area a midwife on call just does postnatal visits and ante natal visits are done at the surgery. You have no idea what time the midwife is going arrive and it like waiting in for NTL/ IKEA deliveries etc. If there is a home birth the community midwives talk to each other by mobile phone and juggle who does home visits.

I don't understand why some areas have ante natal homevisits unless there are extenduating medical reasons. It seems a total utter waste of resources when most pregnant women can get to a doctor's surgery quite easily. I did not get a home visit to check the suitablity of my house for a home birth.

In our area some postnatal women are expected to attend the hospital for check ups.

Spillage21 · 08/12/2009 21:17

Eek, some very forthright responses...I can understand that you feel a bit miffed, and for MWs it's a pain to have to let our clients down (and it often causes more problems than it solves).

I don't know your history, but have you considered a homebirth this time? You'll have undivided attention of two MWs and a birth that feels a little more on your own terms...or if not for you, see if you can get with a caseload or group practice (as they tend to look after their women in labour too).

loobylu3 · 08/12/2009 21:22

Yes, YABU as the other woman needed to take priority because of a clinical need.

Spillage21 · 08/12/2009 21:26

ReallyTired - the majority of women prefer AN visits at home. AN clinics are run to rigid timetables which means often you can't get to explore issues, worries or anxieties. With home visits, you have time and women are more inclined to be relaxed and open.

The purpose of homevisits is to not assess suitability. If there is concern about a families domestic situation and/or parenting skills, then further referrals are made, ie social services.

Reallytired · 09/12/2009 12:58

"ReallyTired - the majority of women prefer AN visits at home. AN clinics are run to rigid timetables which means often you can't get to explore issues, worries or anxieties. With home visits, you have time and women are more inclined to be relaxed and open."

I have never had an AN home visit. Our area does not have that luxury. In fact many postnatal checks are done at the hospital because of a shortage of midwives.

It stinks that women in our area are lucky if they see the midwife twice for two postnatal visits, but in other parts of the country perfectly healthy women have the luxury of AN home booking appointments.

For example I know someone whose had a delivery from hell and her baby was failing to feed, but she was expected to go to the hospital postnatally. To make matters worse this woman nor her husband could drive.

Spillage21 · 09/12/2009 17:02

ReallyTired - I know that is the case in some areas, it's appalling that women have to leave their homes for PN visits.

Your comment about it being a "luxury" though has makes me angry. If you feel your local service is lacking, I am sorry, but don't begrudge it to other women - these are women who are vulnerable due to domestic violence, live in a hugely deprived area, have social services involvement, mental health problems, are lone parents, suffering financial and benefit concerns.

Blu · 09/12/2009 17:29

Sympathies, Fernie, you are having a bad time, and it sounds like one of those days.

Of course you are BU, but never mind, dose your dd up with Ovex or Pripsen - it works in less than 24 hours - and stay away from the AIBU board when what you really need is a cup of tea and a sympathetic ear. You MUST have known what AIBU would be like

BouncingTurtle · 09/12/2009 17:37

My local midwifery service have a policy of the booking in appointment being at home. Bascially the area I live has quite a few deprived areas where they would need to assess the home environment to see if there are any causes for concern or additional help needed.
They actually made an exception for me the first time I was pregnant as the MW had had a cancellation that day and asked if I could pop around to the clinic to see her (I had the day off work) and also because in her words "oh you live on that new estate I'm sure your home environment is fine"

YANBU to be peeved about the MW going to the wrong house and telling your neighbours, but a woman in labour does take priority.

Original poster

fernie3 · 09/12/2009 17:45

hi well I have got over it now . I think i just needed a bit of an online slap to snap me out of it.
Spillage21 I would really love a home birth but with my previous three I had preeclampsia so I think even if I manage to get through without it this time they might have a fit if I suggested it.

AIBU is actually less scary than a phonecall to my dad who believes that my daughter being ill and having worms are clearly signs of bad parenting

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 09/12/2009 17:54

lol BT you look posh too
op, sorry you're having such a stressful time

BouncingTurtle · 09/12/2009 18:02

SPB - me posh - clearly you have me confused with foxytocin - now she is posh

StealthPolarBear · 09/12/2009 18:03

Spillage21 · 09/12/2009 18:09

fernie3 - where do you live (roughly)?

Flip

1 2