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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am fully prepared to except that I might be, but have no idea what I can do about it...

4 replies

IWroteOffLightningMcQueen · 08/12/2009 10:10

Pretty boring one I'm afraid...

We moved house at the end of October, we had a cat which we had had from a kitten, but we couldn't take her with us (rented house), my friend, who already has a cat and a dog of her own) decided she'd like to have to our cat, we didn't like the idea of a cat's home etc. so thought it was a good idea.

My old next door neighbour, who was always lovely to us when we lived there (well, mostly!), and in fact really helped us out when I was having a rough pregnancy with DS3, but was known as a bit of a battle axe to most other people rang me yesterday, in a really short and nasty tone basically saying that our old cat has been meowing outside our old back door, and trying to sneak into her house to eat her cat's food. Now, as annoying and frustrating as I can imagine this being, just the way she spoke to me, she accused me of dumping the cat there, and she has rang the RSPCA, and they want my phone number, and she has also told them my friend's address. Now TBH, I'm not too worried about that, they wouldn't do anything anyway, the cat is being looked after and she is going to her new house for food and cuddles etc. she is just obviously feeling a bit confused and probably missing us, she spent 5 years living there.

I spent about 10 minutes trying to explain that a) it isn't our cat anymore, b) we are living 20 miles away, c) I'd let my friend know and see if she can do somethng, though not sure what and d) that I didn't want to fall out over a cat, I tried turning the conversation round in a friendly way, and asking how they (her and her DH) were and she replied with "Well, we'd be better without having to keep an eye on our cat's food". (It's the middle of December, it's not as if the doors are going to be left open all the time, so how is she getting in? Not that that is really the point!)

What I should also probably add to the picture is that her husband recently found out he has cancer, so obviously tensions will be running high, and I really do understand that they don't need the cat being a pain, but I really don't know what I can do about it.

But, even taking that into account, AIBU for being a bit cross that she has chosen to take this tone with me? That she has accused me of just dumping the cat there as if we don't care? And that she is being a bit unreasonable herself to ring me and complain when she must know that there really isn't anything I can do other than what I said about talking to friend about it. It's not as though I could go over and tell the cat not to bother them is it - if I could, I would.

I am feeling a bit hurt TBH and incredibly guilty, but if you lot decide IABU, then anyone with any idea's on how I can fix it (in fact even if INBU) let me know please!

OP posts:
lazyemma · 08/12/2009 10:15

You shouldn't be feeling guilty! You haven't done anything wrong - as you say, you've rehomed your cat with someone you know will care for her and it's not anyone's fault that she's still turning up at your old house. Surely most people know that cats don't deal well with change.

Has your friend had a read about how to get the cat settled in to her new house? Might it be a good idea to keep her shut inside for a couple of weeks until she feels more established there?

madamearcati · 08/12/2009 10:17

Not your business , not your responsibility.Ex neighbour is out of order but understandable considering the bombshell they've just had.Just put it out of your mind , send her DH a card and maybe call screen.

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 08/12/2009 10:18

YANBU. I can see how it'd be annoying for your old neighbour though. Tell your friend to put butter on the cat's paws!

Call your neighbour back next week to apologise again and see how her dh is.

TootaLaFruit · 08/12/2009 10:20

YANBU to be hurt by her tone, but I expect it is all down to exactly what you mentioned - her husband's illness. She'll be very worried and worked up about that, and is taking it out on this tiny situation and, unfortunately, you. Often people lash out at those closest to them, so if you've been on friendly terms in the past, that explains why she's now treating you like the enemy.

In time the cat will realise that your old house isn't his home anymore, and frankly there's nothing you can do about it - cats will be cats.

If she phones again try to listen, be patient, then say goodbye and forget about it. She's in a nasty situation re: her husband, but that doesn't mean you should be put in this position.
Hope that helps a little, sorry if it doesn't!!

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