Another MIL Xmas thread! Help advise needed!

[up2u]

Been with Dh for 8 years now and are very happy etc with 3 children.MIL and I have our ups and downs, I try to like her as I don't want a family rift these should be happy times but somehow MIL always seems to get the hump and sulk at all of our important occasions, she sulked at our wedding, birth of first 2 children,christening and the list goes on She intermitently gets better for a bit and just as you thought all is going well she blows again.This year she is upset that we have announced last week that we won't be buying adult Xmas gifts as things are tight and Xmas is for children, this means we can get the children of the family better gifts.Now just as Xmas is fast approaching she has said after I asked what she would be doing for Xmas - (as I do every year) she snapped 'don't know yet I suppose it will be ME cooking for everybody again!'well she has NEVER cooked me a meal in 8 years so I take it she was refering to grandparents????Anyway so now not am I left guessing as to will we see her Xmas or not-SHE ENDS UP IN TEARS IF WE DONT GO!Oh god I can't bring myself to be nice about it,it seems so childish we always have to tip toe with our arrangements in fear of upset-dh says hold fast and we are sticking to our guns re presents-ANY ideas on how to handle the MIL at this sensitive time????

You could make your own arrangements, telling her you don't want to leave it too late to decide on what you are doing. Make a certain time to invite her around. If she doesn't take you up on the offer, thats her problem. You shouldn't have to tip toe around, start making your own xmas with your family.

I can see it must be really hard if there is someone who is so touchy that you are always worrying about their feelings when they seem not to care about anyone elses.

Just a thought though. If you only announced last week about your present plans maybe she has got the hump because she has already bought something for both of you and wouldn't have had to go to that expense if you had let people know what you were thinking a little earlier.

How many other children are there in the family other than your own? If you have three but some other family members have none or only one then she/they might feel a bit aggrieved at your decision?

she sounds vile - tell her straight and politely littered with the phrase 'with the utmost respect', make sure your dp is there so he is a witness to the conversation and be blunt. Too much time wasted. Who the f**k does she think she is sulking?? Stop moaning and do something about it

I dont think that it should matter if she has bought-it isn't like for like, if she has spent more does it really matter?,maybe if she communicated with us we would know what she had done, fact is she never tells us and just does her own thing and thinks the whole thing must revolve around her now it's our fault that it has gone not how she wanted, I wish things were different and when our finances are better next year we will gladly spend more, yes she only has the 1 for us to buy for but she wants us to buy for her parents and his other grandparents too-I had said I would get everone a small something its not that we are getting absolutely nothing-The gift I have in mind for ALL family members is a photo to the value of£8 each, and 8 of those is nearly £50! At the minute we are struggling with our food shopping!!!

Don't let her upset you. I think this late on it's reasonable to tell her what your plans are for Christmas, if it's just your small family then tell folk that's what you are doing.
Agree it seems late in the day to announce no presents, and I don't get the "Christmas is for children thing, in the same way I don't get the ""Christmas is for families".
It isn't children's day, it is a celebration of Jesus's birth or the winter solstice depending on your outlook. Single childfree people have as much right to celebrate Christmas as everyone else.

I am sure the single child free people aren't moaning about christmas!

I would if no-one was buying me presents and had decided only children get presents, particularly when I was in my 20s, I'd have been highly pissed off at being expected to buy a load of sprogs presents from my student budget and getting zilch myself.

As a MIL and GM myself I am absolutely amazed at the behaviour of some of these mils on these threads. I can't imagine how they can be so selfish - they all sound so immature and unfulfilled with life that they have to make so many difficulties for their sons and dils. I know that sometimes I have defended mils (or at least tried to point out how they may be feeling etc) and I do think that some mils don't seem to be able to do right for doing wrong. BUT to say you are struggling with money and all she can do is carp about you not buying presents is so utterly selfish I can barely believe it.

As others say, try not to let her upset you - she is obviously a very unhappy woman in herself for wahtever reason but that isn't your problem.

I agree with 2Rebecca.

Don't bother with the photos - sounds expensive. Just go to asda and buy chocolates - loads at 2for1 at the moment.

Next year - sort present protocol out sooner.

Of course - suspect this is just the last straw and she does lots of annoying stuff.

I had to add that I dont for one minute think that Xmas is JUST for children, i simply mean that when you need to prioritise as we do at the moment then they should come first!as adults can rationalise in their minds far more than little ones and know how to WAIT a bit more.
Also it isn't that we are buying absolutely nothing, a small token gift to open,I far more look forward to just being together and warm! I wish she felt the same and could simply cosy up with us some good TV,food & company!rather than chose to sit at her place alone but with LOADS OF GIFTS!!