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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have upset my friend?

25 replies

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 07/12/2009 17:03

I have a 'friend' who is more a friend of my good friend. Have known her for years but not close - don't have each others' numbers for eg. She's very high maintenance. I like her in a lot of ways but she is very demanding - she spent a lot of our friend's bday going on about how crap I was for not being there when I had gone on her actual bday and had a good reason for not going out clubbing, she strongly believes she is always right and expects a hell of a lot from her friends, hence why she has few. But I do like her, she's just a lot to take.

Anyway, she is terminally single, because she does the same thing with men - expects far too much (loyalty, commitment, time, effort) too soon and is a diva if she doesn't get it. She never learns and would love a relationship and can't see what she is doing wrong.

Mutual friend has tried to explain but that caused a massive rift for ages.

Today her FB status reads (paraphrasing) 'First dates AArrgh why when someone says they like you do they not call you, then when they finally call you why do they get arsey when you slightly berate them?'
To which I put 'X sweetie love you dearly but nobody likes being berated even slightly xxx' and she has responded with this -
'Thanks Kat2907. Generally when I post things on facebook, I expect my friends to either take the piss (see above) or support me and rave gainst all those who have done me wrong, but thanks for your pearls of wisdom, they made me feel so much better when i'm down'

Mutual friend thinks I'm in for a long shitty msg later as she won't let it lie. But am I wrong? This woman needs to be told, no? You can't have a go at a guy you have been on one date with, for waiting too long to call, and expect him to stay interested? Mutual friend thinks it's quite funny but for my own sanity I should have stayed out of it.

OP posts:
PrettyCandles · 07/12/2009 17:07

The last sentence of your post sums it up and I agree.

ChickensHaveNoTinsel · 07/12/2009 17:09

I don't think it's your place to interfere in this, tbh, and certainly not on facebook.

jasper · 07/12/2009 17:09

You put it very softly softly but FB was probably not the best place to do it, but hats off for trying .

Her response suggests she is unreachable ! If she wants to have a FB ding dong hopefully other friends will join the thread and reinforce your point

I have a friend like this.
WOnder if it's the same person ?

MsDoctor · 07/12/2009 17:10

Perhaps you should have stayed out of it, but someone needs to tell her...hasn't she got any good friends?

wukter · 07/12/2009 17:11

I agree with your friend - stay out of it! She's not a real friend of yours, let her silliness wash over you when you have to meet up for mutual friends' sake but don't bother with her any more than that. So what if you get a shirty message later, do you care what she thinks?

BTW, she does sound like hard work.

CarmenSanDiego · 07/12/2009 17:13

Oh, I don't buy into this 'facebook statuses are sacred' - if someone posts something stupid on their facebook and they have three hundred friends, they should expect a little comeback. Why do people think that people should only respond if they agree wholeheartedly?

YANBU

pippa251 · 07/12/2009 17:19

you have obviously acted like a good friend which. It is a shame as she obviously isn't used to the truth and probably hasn't got any one close to her.

As for Facebook - I'm a regular user- if you don't want something personal written on their don't put something personal on their in the first place- YANBU

StewieGriffinsMom · 07/12/2009 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

colditz · 07/12/2009 17:23

Post back - "This is exactly what I am talking about. Your behavior and reactions are disproportionately ridiculous, and this is why you get dumped. You're too demanding, and then you have a divastrop the second someone doesn't comply with your lists of demands. Women don't get boyfriends by behaving like displaced monarchs!"

colditz · 07/12/2009 17:25

"And PS - you can't dictate how your friends are to react to you. People who always do as they are told aren't friends, they are crawly bumlickers. It's a shame not one of your friends has had the balls to pull you up when you are out of order, as this is the mark of someone who cares about your happiness"

Tortington · 07/12/2009 17:25

post back

fuck off you over precious cuntbag

jasper · 07/12/2009 17:29

colditz suggestion is great. Cut and paste!

MsDoctor · 07/12/2009 17:30

I have some 'friends' who are in a band, a band that was successful some time ago. When I visit my home town I always see them at bbqs and the like and I always speak. The last time I saw them the lead singer was really rude and unfriendly toward me, all our other friends are sycophants and overly impressed that they were a little famous.

So a mutual friend wrote about them reforming and I had to put that they were 'self-obsessed, full of their own importance and has beens'.... forgetting that they were also his friends on FB! Nothing about FB status is precious!

AliGrylls · 07/12/2009 17:32

She sounds awful. YANBU but I know I wouldn't have said anything. I figure it is best to leave people like that to their own devices - they will eventually be sad and lonely and that is really the best they can deserve.

MsDoctor · 07/12/2009 17:33

PS I love Custy's suggestion.

OR

I'm guessing that he called again as you are so sure not to take advice.

MrsMattie · 07/12/2009 17:37

I have a friend like this. I am seriously considering sacking her off for 2010.

GhoulsAreLoud · 07/12/2009 17:37

SHe sounds like a weirdo. What an odd thing to put as her status.

I think you were quite blunt, but she did invite it. A toned down version of what Colditz said via email to pre-empt any message from her would be my suggestion.

thedollshouse · 07/12/2009 17:40

Dump her.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 07/12/2009 17:41

Do what Colditz said!

Do what Colditz said!

Do what Colditz said!

reservejudgement · 07/12/2009 17:54

wot Colditz said!! I double dare ya!

PrincessToadstool · 07/12/2009 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blu · 07/12/2009 18:04

I see that friendship-bust-up is a spectator sport on FB.....so yeah, go the Custy route.

It isn't about FB being 'sacrosanct' it's that if people want real communication, in front of a row of people who are there for the entertainment isn't the way to do it.

But it seems plenty of MN-ers just LOVE to egg on a bundle - fab.

IF you care enough to want to HELP her see where she could get a better outcoem for herself, go out fo a drink and talk to her face to face. Kindly but truthfully. If not, stay out of it.

lou33 · 07/12/2009 18:06

i'm liking custy's retort

LentilsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 07/12/2009 18:11

Colditz - could you put your posts together in a self-help book?

I know a few people I would buy it for.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 07/12/2009 19:07

I'm so glad you don't think I'm being U! Mutual friend has challenged her but they fell out over it so she just tries to be patient unless directly challenged these days.

I'm not going to reply publicly. In fact I'm not gong to reply at all, unless she sends me a PM in which case I'll send a nicer version of what colditz said!

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