To expect dp to pull his weight?

[tiggsy]

we have a slightly different set up in my household, me, dp, dd and my older brother. works brilliantly, live in babysitter for dd! except since i got pregnant and had hyperemesis again and really couldn't do much round the house dp is doing sod all! thankfully i'm better now but he won't do anything, won't help with dd, help with cleaning, shopping, xmas, etc! my brother is helping loads, tidying up after dd and helping feed, wash and change her. just feel bad as it's not his job, dp happily lies on the sofa (me on the floor) and watches everyone else busy around him. don't know what i can do but right now we aren't speaking!

Tell him to shift his lazy arse and help.

The slothful dp doesn't seem to be someone who is at all receptive to "group dynamics" (an expression so vile I find it hard to believe I can actually type it) so probably needs to be dynamised into action. A kick in the arse often works wonders.

take your brother out for lunch and leave dp with the child

YANBU. Lazy bastard. Stop cleaning up after him, stop cooking for him, you're not his mother. OK, he might not be as houseproud as you but that is no excuse for being lazy and not helping with basic things around the house.

This sounds just awful. Why are you putting up with this? The floor? Seriously?

I had my brother lodge with me and help out with the kids after I split with my ex. Tbh, I hated it. It felt weird and inappropriate to have him offer to help with stuff etc- I felt like this was a partner's role, and I was much happier once he made other arrangements and just babysat occasionally.

The brother sounds like he is doing your partner's job, but under his nose, which must feel even odder.

Some people will say to turf your brother out so your DP has to step up to the mark (and there is something in this), but it is more tempting to say to turf the lazy feck himself out. Have you spoken to him about this?

Your brother being there is unbalancing things though.

BLEURGH! I really sympathise on how shite awful it feels to have hyperemesis, had it all through all my pregnancies, never improved, I went through each labour with a bucket under my chin. Glad to hear you're feeling better. I'd have a word with your brother to let him know how much you've appreciated his help, but now it's time for your DP to man up and start helping, so your bro needs to take a step back. Leave DP all day with DD (go out to friends, anything, anywhere) and give him a list of jobs that YOU would normally have to get done in that day. Tell DP if he can't manage that, then you can't manage to give him dinner/ hugs/ or adult relations (IYKWIM)

depends how does he feel about your brother living with him?what kind of contribution is he making to the house financially and do you rent or have a mortgage?

dp is either taking the piss or feeling "pushed out" by your db

brother has lived with us over a year now and pays a full share of all bills and tbh dp was pretty appalling before he moved in. has been helpful with him being almost shamed into action by my brother but since i've been ill he's become a waste of space! he couldn't even be bothered to come to dd's first proper visit to santa yesterday. brother knows i'm very grateful and tries not to help out too much but as we're quite house proud it's difficult to just leave dp to it! have left him with dd before and he plonks her in front of the tv with tons of chocolate and then leaves her to me in the evening when she's bouncing off the walls!!
or ignores her and she draws on walls, carpet etc!

Agree with BoF.

unfortunately we aren't in a financial position for brother to move out. dp suggested we go away for my birthday in the new year, only i'd have to pay for it with my xmas and birthday money! kind of laughed then said that was my money to spend on me and would rather have a few days off!!