to spend the day gritting my teeth at DH

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

A few weeks ago a friend txt me saying her and her DP couldn't make the suprise party of our other couple friends as he had a works do, so would I take the birthday girl out for lunch with her one of the week days.

I txt DH and said there was a party we hadn't been invited to and I didn't know what we'd done wrong. He said we had been invited.

So I was never really asked to go by DH and I was secretly a bit 'hrrmph' about this (they are his friends, we are just the girlfriends IYSWIM).

So yesterday he says 'oh it's Joanne's surprise birthday party tonight'. I said 'are you going?' and he said 'I might call in, have a couple of beers and come home'.

I have been in hospital so it would be naturally presumed I wasn't going (I'm 7 months pregnant and baby's heart's not beating properly for anyone who hasn't read my many endless threads ) so I was a little shocked he was thinking about it.

I said 'you're taking Lee arn't you?' Lee is his mate. He said 'no'. I KNEW he would be. Turned out he was. So all day I whinged on but kind of joked about it and he kept saying 'I know you're pretending to joke but you're serious. I just won't go.' so I said 'fine'.

He then decided he was going. Oh what a suprise. So Lee turns up at the door as we were on our way out to see DH's family. DH had to tell him he'd pick him up later.

When we got back, he's bodding about getting showered and ready and I was so put-out that I wasn't going as I wanted some fun after a horrendous week.

I said he'd had no intentions of taking me and he could easily have asked his sis to babysit. He made out I was nagging on so he said he'd only have a couple of beers and he'd be back.

I got a take away, watched x factor, ate cream cakes, farted around on MN to try to feel better. At midnight I thought sod it, I'm going to bed. He'd gone at 7.

At 1.10am he comes in, leathered. I ask him to pass me my phone and half asleep I'd knocked it on to 'missed call list'. He asks why I've got to many missed calls, grabs my phone and checks it!!! The bloody cheek!! Drunk or not, that's stupid.

Today he's hungover, so he has a lie in til gone 10am and I look after DS. We were supposed to be going to the zoo and santa's grotto early.

I asked who was there and he said a few people including a girl who is best friends with his ex fiance (she LOVES to cause trouble) and the other day I'd said I was sick of her posting pics of herself in skimpy outfits on facebook and I wasn't comfortable with her being on his friend list. Everyone else had their wives/girlfriends with them.

So I'm just pissed off today.

He is obviously oblivious and doesn't even know he's done anything wrong. Don't think he even remembers getting in.

would you really have wanted to go? Honestly? Or are you just put out that he didn't ask you?

YABU to be bothered about FB friends posting skimpy outfit pics. He could see a lot more explicit on the internet if he looked. You can't control his FB life.

YANBU to be annoyed with him for going through your phone.

YANBU to be jealous and grumpy that he had fun when you are stuck home being pg and worrying about the bean. But that's kind of life for pregnant women. Unless DHs should not go out or drink the whole duration of the pg? I guess it's our trade off for being the most important parent [joke]

Oh noooo I wanted you to say 'YANBU he's an arse'.

It's not the skimpy outfits, I wouldn't actually expect him to delete her, just not to go and sit with her til 1.10am when I had expressed the concern that she's a muppet, tarty and too close to his ex-fiance who just loves to stir.
I'm now wondering if she was there, too.

well he wasnt just with her was he? he was at a party with lots of people
you are full of pregnant hormones and being unreasonable

I don't understand why you didn't just ask to go with him to the party, when you found out it was happening? If it was a few weeks ago that you found out, maybe he'd just forgotten to mention it until you texted him. And you do admit yourself that it would be "naturally presumed" you're not going, since you've been in hospital.

I'm also not sure why it's a problem that he took his friend Lee.

It is a shame though that you might be losing a family day out to his hangover. Kick him out of bed - I would.

I think generally it sounds that you're feeling understandably low, having had a difficult pregnancy so far and a particularly hard week, and so maybe this is bothering you more than it might otherwise. But it does sound like you deserve a bit more sympathy and support from your husband.

My DH would have done the same, I think that if we're invited together we either go together or not at all, he thinks he can go alone.

There are no hangovers in this house....get your DH up.

Since it was his friends I think YABU.

And if I´d wanted to go I would have said so & organised it so that I could tbh!

Not sure about this one. I'm not in the school of thought that says DH's should stay in just because their wives are pregnant. It is different if you're unable to look after DCs yourself without help obviously but the odd night out is ok in my book.

Sounds like he's been a bit devious in the way he's gone about going to the party. He should have just been honest from the beginning. Do you think he might have been like this because he's trying to avoid you nagging him or telling him not to go?

As far as the facebook girl etc is concerned, meh. Phone thing - he's an arse.

In my book it is fine to go out, but the consequences are that he's old enough to take responsibility for the morning after too. Kick him out of bed and drag him to the grotto.

HTH. Trying to be firm but fair here.

I was so hoping I was reasonable and he was a twat. Just annoyed that everyone went as couples and once again he turns up to something on his own when there's someone to report back to his idiot ex.

I'm going against the flow here and saying YAcompletelyandutterlyNBU. you have been in hospital, you have had probs with baby's heartbeat, you are 7m pg and he thinks it's ok to go to a party and get bladdered and stay out so late?

Mind you - I am transferring some of my own remembered wrath from then I was about 39w pg - DH went out on the lash at his cousin's house, was only supposed to be gone a couple of hours, came back 6hours later almost unable to see from drink and when I had a fit about "what if the baby had decided to come?" He said "oh, my uncle could have driven you to the hospital" - oh yes, and presumably stayed with me during the birth as well, hey?. Guess what - he didn't get drunk again until after DS was born.

Plus I don't like AT ALL the deviousness involved, as Dirtgirl says - why didn't he just tell you about the party and allow you to make your own mind up if you wanted to go or not?

i've read another of your threads and the overall impression is that neither of you trust each other.

he also sounds like an utter fanny.

obviously, you're pregnant so it's tempting to just make the best of it but i think unless there's some kind of dramatic intervention, this relationship is fated.

at 7 months pregnant, with the added stress of the heartbeat issue, your family deserve better than this asshole.

and the 'but we have a laugh and love each other' doesn't cancel out the verbal abuse, lack of support and suspected infidelity.

you've got to draw a line somewhere.

He does sound like a fanny.

A lying fanny that does what he pleases at your expense despite the fact that you have a child, that you are heavily pregnant and that you have just got out if hospital due to worries about the health of your baby.

Yabu if you just grit your teeth at him all day. That's why he treats you like shit - because he is quite happy to put up with your bad moods as long as he gets to have his fun on his terms.

You need to start demanding he treats you properly.

With the worry of your baby (and your weird neighbour, saw that thread) I think YANBU and from your comment that "everyine went as couples and he turns up on his own again" this sounds like a regular occurance. If this is the case then he is an arse. You may also be slightly hormonal, but you are entitled to be.

TBH, it sounds as if he didn't want you to go. My DH is still the same 4 dcs on and eleven years down the line, it is to a lesser extent but the best gift I can give my DH is still a 'free pass' to the pub without me, I think.

God I sound like an idiot.

Rest assured OP if you =are not the most important thing in his life with a child, pregnant and complications then you never will be.

TSC, you allow for the OP's dp to be very selfish, so his partner has had a hard time lately and you think instead of spending time with her he's reasonable to want to get out and leave her on her own? That's plain weird.

YANBU he is an arse !!

I'm thinking had I just been in hospital with worry about my baby I would want the father of that child to want to be with me whether I am stressed and need to let my hair down or stressed enough to want to curl up and read a book.....