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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want a better husband?

55 replies

LucyLovesPedro · 05/12/2009 22:38

I work really hard, career wise, and in looking after my three beautiful boys.

My husband works part time and he has no ambition. There's zero sex life and I don't think I love him anymore.

Am I being selfish is wanting someone better? My boys are 10,11 and 13. I think they're too young to go through the trauma of their parents divorcing.

I don't mean to be fickle but the ambition and drive my husband first had was, amongst other things, what first attracted me to him.

OP posts:
Sagacious · 05/12/2009 22:39

ditch the loser

CDDA86 · 05/12/2009 22:40

No, the children are old enough to cope, and you need to be young enough to upgrade, so don't wait around

ineedalifelaundry · 05/12/2009 22:42

So he's changed? Why? Is he depressed? Have you talked about it?

YANBU to want a better marriage (no sex ) but have you made every attempt to mend this one?

SWMBO · 05/12/2009 22:43

what makes you think you can do any better?

the grass is not always greener

Original poster
LucyLovesPedro · 05/12/2009 22:43

CDDDA86, that's what I've been secretly thinking. My boys are my biggest priority. I want a man who has more money, a man who can look after the boys properly.

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 05/12/2009 22:43

I cannot rightly advise as my ability to pick men is suspect

it takes all types to make a successful team though....

MeltedTreeChocolates · 05/12/2009 22:44

I think you need to talk to him and try and fix it first rather than bailing.

MeltedTreeChocolates · 05/12/2009 22:45

How does he not look after the boys properly?

whyme2 · 05/12/2009 22:45

You want a man who has more money

Don't we all darling.

Original poster
LucyLovesPedro · 05/12/2009 22:46

I've tried to fix it for the last 9 months. He works part time because he feels "tired" all the time even though the Drs have told him he's very healthy.

I cook, clean, work, look after the boys, pay the bills and everything else. He goes to work, comes back, plays on the xBox (he's 41) and then goes to sleep.

I don't think he finds me attractive anymore but then I think I've fallen out of love with him.

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 05/12/2009 22:48

Realistically speaking, new rich man will not immediately come into your life, so in the near to immediate future, your boys will actually be financially worse off.

And of course money isn't everything and considering what your divorce will do to your teenage boys, divorce is probably not the best option if they are indeed your priority.

Have you exhausted all other options? Have you tried to talk to your DH?

MillyR · 05/12/2009 22:52

Does he want custody of the children. As the part time worker of the family, wouldn't that make him the primary carer, as he is at home more? Or does he work evenings rather than days so isn't there when the kids are?

Original poster
LucyLovesPedro · 05/12/2009 22:54

Milly, that's the problem. Him working part time doesn't solve anything. When he's not working, he's out at golf or he's with friends. I actually have to pay for a nanny who's there more than my husband is.

I don't know what to do. I've cried so many times over this problem but this is life.

OP posts:
MeltedTreeChocolates · 05/12/2009 22:55

What have you tried to fix? How? Drs get it wrong sometimes.... I would be keen to back him up or to get to the bottom of why he is lying or why he is so depressed.

RumourOfAHurricane · 05/12/2009 22:55

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SWMBO · 05/12/2009 22:56

were you at the doctors with him? how do you know he is not lying about what the doctor said?

RumourOfAHurricane · 05/12/2009 22:58

This reply has been deleted

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LucyLovesPedro · 05/12/2009 22:58

This reply has been deleted

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whyme2 · 05/12/2009 23:00

So you are paying for a nanny to look after the dcs while you work. And you then do all the housework.
What is his contribution?

I do think you need to have a serious discussion about your future and his commitment to the relationship. There needs to be some kind of deadline/ultimatum if you really want things to change for you.
Have you asked what his feelings are towards you?

RumourOfAHurricane · 05/12/2009 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mollymawk · 05/12/2009 23:03

great cross post whyme2

shay2006 · 05/12/2009 23:03

Nice last message LLP

TeaOneSugar · 05/12/2009 23:04

What does he do when he's at home?

upahill · 05/12/2009 23:04

Crikey Lucy..... Bit of an outburst there!!!

TheCrackFox · 05/12/2009 23:05

Why would I want to spend time with my kids at this time of night? They are in bed you moron.

however CHOKE ON A DICK sounds like fabby parlour game.