Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

AIBU to think this man either has an issue with me or finds me attractive

24 replies

NotImpressiveBehaviour · 05/12/2009 01:01

Sorry about the headline, wasnt too sure what to put as I have never been in this situation before.

I have recently moved into a new area and have been made very welcomome by the neighbours. My next door neighbour and I clicked instantl ( was very strange, i usually take a while to make friends) and two of the neighbours acroos the road ( blokes) come over at the weekends and somtimes during the week.

I have started dating one of these blokes and he is perfectly nice but just a bit of fun for the moment in time. His friend ( who lives with him) on the other hand ( and this is what my post is about) is constantly making jibs at me.

I wasnt sure if I was taking things to heart but tonight I have been proved that this is not thecase. Whenever this man comes around he constantly makes the butt of all jokes tonight we had a conversation that turned into an argument as it was the first time Id confronted him about his behaviour ( he said i was being paranoid but he was absolutly foul, he wa sthat foul i made my excuses and went home. Now am I being paranoid mumsnetters or does this bloke either have a massive problem with me or does he like me? I can explain further if you wish but its hard to explain what he does

OP posts:

JustAnotherManicMummy · 05/12/2009 01:06

If he pulled your pigtails or swiped your packed lunch then he likes you.

But from what you've written, then I'd have to say no he probably doesn't like you.

YanknCock · 05/12/2009 01:06

Hard to say I think, without being there to judge. What kind of jokes? Can you give a few examples? It will be interesting to see what he does now that you've confronted him.

scottishmummy · 05/12/2009 01:07

you are dating but wonder the pal fancies you?oh go on then do elaborate more salacious tittle tattle

Original poster

NotImpressiveBehaviour · 05/12/2009 01:20

Scottish thats what I thought but Im not sure. A few things of whats been said tonight.

I cant remeber how it started ( Ive had a few drinks by now ) But he'd made a nasty comment and Id said it was rather bitchy, he retorted that I was a slag, So I'd said while laughing ( I laugh when im nervous) but you are a proper bitch somtimes, you allways make someone feel like a cunt, If you were a girl I dont reckon Id speak to you

( Wow I feel childish writing like this; he said she said then I said
He then said " Well if i were a girl Id slap you, being miserable all the time" ( I quiten down when this bloke visits as everytime I say somthing he calls me on it and tbh I feel victimised) and then went on to say I was fat, a slag and a scrounger. I made a joke about being fat ( Im 5'3 and 9 stone, hardly overweight in my opinion also part time worker and student) I made a joke about being fat saying well at least i keep myself warm in winter aye and started laughing to which he was even worse and said i must be about 20stone saying i had 5 tyres he could see from here.

I slept with his friend recently so he calls me a slag whenever he sees me.

Id gone quiet when this had gone on as I was going to go home when he picked up my broken phone and asked if it was mine, i said yes and he said ive got a screen at home for this. Am really confused Im 19 whereas he is 24, Im not sure whats going on hes nice most of the time but ill say somthing within the group and then thats it im the butt of his jokes for at least ten minutes. Not a long time but when im sat there redfaced and embaressed it does seem a long time.

OP posts:

SolidGoldpiginablanket · 05/12/2009 01:21

Are you all very young? Because being nasty to someone that you fancy is something most people generally grow out of by the time they have passed through puberty.
It's equally likely that he fancies his mate and resents the fact that you, a mere woman, are taking his mate's attention from him.

lockets · 05/12/2009 01:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ToffeeCrumble · 05/12/2009 01:32

He sounds like a very lovely young man.
No seriously, he sounds utterly vile and I wouldn't accept this sort of treatment. I'd want nothing more to do with him although I realise it must be tricky when he is your neighbour and lives with your boyfriend. What does your bf say about this? Does he mind you being spoken to like this? I don't ever come across people who are that nasty and I'd be horrified and would never want to see them again if I did.

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/12/2009 01:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BitOfFun · 05/12/2009 01:43

I wouldn't bother with either of them tbh. Why does it matter if he fancies you? You are hardly likely to go out with him, unless you are really stupid.

Back off, and don't shit on your own doorstep, as they say.

dittany · 05/12/2009 01:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fruitysunshine · 05/12/2009 04:09

I would not be bothering with either of them. He knows that you have slept with his mate - where is the privacy between you and the guy you are dating? It sounds like there are no boundaries and he can say what he likes because nobody values what is going on there.

thesunshinesbrightly · 05/12/2009 06:56

I don't think he fancies you, i think he's jealous cause you took his mate.

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 05/12/2009 07:06

So other epople were there whilst he was saying those things, and no-one said anything?

Could everyone,including him, think this is a joking friendly thing as you said you laugh a lot and join in.

If you want it to stop, don't laugh and tell him to fuck off.

Romanarama · 05/12/2009 07:23

You socialise with a person who calls you a slag? That's horrible.

colditz · 05/12/2009 07:51

Put some boundaries in place. He called you a slag and you stayed in the same room as him?/

NO! Either leave the room (if not your house) or never ever let him back in your house again.

And personally, if your "boyfriend" cannot keep his mouth shut about where he sticks his willy, he's not much of a boyfriend, and needs to be got rid of.

gallusbesom · 05/12/2009 08:04

He's not much of a boyfriend if he sat there are let his mate talk to you like that.

I would back off and as BoF says don't shit where you sleep -- it will all be too close for comfort if it goes sour.

scottishmummy · 05/12/2009 09:29

you slept with boyfriend mate?and wonders why its tense now

doh!

they both sound like bawbags and you sound a bit immature too

ok so time to maybe not seek validation by sleeping with dodgy men and tittering about who said i said/he said.get agrip woman

but until you value yourself and make a definite statement that you wont be called an abusive name and tell them both to fuck right this will continue

maybe chose your partners more carefully. maybe no more shagging cheeky wide boys

and i think you are kind of liking the attention or embellishing this tawdry tale. all the details about your weight etc are unnecessary

SolidGoldpiginablanket · 05/12/2009 11:08

My, some of you are a bit precious - throwing someone out of the house for using a naughty word indeed. Some of us regularly call their mates cunts in a friendly fashion - you don't know the social rules of a particular group. Mind you I stand by what I said about this particular man, he's jealous of his friend, quite possibly with unacknowledged issues about his sexuality, and the best thing to to is treat him with cheerful indifference.

Fruitysunshine · 05/12/2009 11:32

It is not about throwing someone out of a house for using a "naughty" word. It is about attitude and self-respect. I don't know ANYONE who uses the word "cunt" in a friendly fashion. What ARE the rules of this particular social group? Are you akin to them or have you studied this social group?

fluffles · 05/12/2009 11:40

he's jealous cause he feels left out cause you've nicked his best mate. simple.

ABetaDad · 05/12/2009 11:43

StarlightMcKenzie - you are right. The man making the nasty comments is jealous of his friend who is in a relationship when he isn't.

curryfreak · 05/12/2009 14:33

Are you fifteen?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/12/2009 14:42

He doesn't fancy you. (or if he does he's an emotionally retarded wanker and would be a shit boyfriend). He doesn't like you, or any women actually, and he hasn't got a clue how to relate to women so he's offensive and nasty - because you aren't a person that he could actually talk to.

Put some boundaries in please! If a man you barely know calls you fat, don't laugh along with it! Respond as if some wanker has just been rude to you, not like a mate has made a funny joke.

I know you have only just moved to the area but it sounds like you don't need these people in your life at all. The other guy isn't actually your boyfriend is he, just a bloke you shagged? So you are getting a reputation with this pair of twats as a 'slag' and a girl they can rip the piss out of. Not the person you want to be.

LittleAngelicRose · 05/12/2009 14:52

Just stop socialising with either of them. The guy you are seeing is only a bit of fun for you so no great loss there and the other one, well, what is his problem?

Speaking as an older woman (older than 19 anyway!) I think that there seems to be a generation of blokes out there who no one has ever taught manners or common decency. And why would you want to spend time in the company of someone like that? Sometimes you can't avoid unpleasant people so life is too short to actively seek them!

Flip