presents for friends children at xmas.

[Brunettelady]

This isn't really AIBU but I'm not sure where to post.

I have made some lovely friends since I had DS get on well with them all. We buy presents at birthdays (for our DCs) obviously at there is usually a party.

I wasn't planning on doing it for xmas as we just can't afford it and if we got one, I would feel like I needed to get the others.

One of my friends (bless her, she is so lovely) has bought my DS a present for xmas, and the DCs of another couple of friends.

I really can't afford to start this traditon but I feel bad as she has gone and got something. Also she has 2 DCs so I would have to buy 2 presents. My other friend has said that she doesn't want to do presents as she has neices etc. (She said this to me after other friend had gone) I said thats fine as I can't really afford it either.

I don't know what to do as I don't want to start something for each year and I am on a very tight budget with a large family of my own.

Just explain to your friends then, or tell them you can only stretch to selection boxes.

I sympathise. I would rather give a present and not get one back then get one and not have anything to give in return.

Could you stretch to a book or a jigsaw that isn't too expensive? TBH I would be tempted to not buy anything and when she gives the gift say you haven't bought gifts for anyone other than family this year and would she prefer to give it to her child. Difficult though as she might take offence.

I would say don't buy if you don't want to/can't afford to. I don't like this trend either. I would only buy gifts for the DCs of very close friends but when money has been tight I haven't done so and it hasn't been an issue (.....there should be some punctuation in that sentence but am typing under pressure!)

explain to her exactly what you have said here.

what I do with 3 of my close friends is have a draw, so mum draws the name of however many children they have out of the pot, and buys them one present from 'the gang'. Kids get one present each, worth about a tenner, rather than 3 smaller ones, and we all spend less. Childen feel remembered by their godparents - we are all godparents to at least one other families children.

We have a xmas party (either at someones house or cheap local hall) and everyone brings a wrapped present, they are all piled up in the corner and the kids can pick up any present on the way out.

I definately try not to get into any extra xmas buying, have plenty of family to worry about, but this kind of arrangement has to be sorted out early or you get into problems.

I've got a very similar setup to PandaG - 4 families, all godparents to each other's DC etc. We used to get each child something when there were only 4 children but now there are 8 and it did get a bit ridiculous - especially as we were usually giving these presents before Christmas, so the kids were having this great big haul of presents in the week before the Big Day!

We now have a Christmas party every year and hire a hall (it's the only way we can all get together these days as we take up so much space!) and make it really lovely - each mum organises a game, we all do food and prizes between us, and each mum buys a tiny party bag gift for each child, so they each get a 'going home bag'. It works really well - doesn't cost too much, is easy for us and the children have a lovely time without being totally spoiled/overwhelmed with yet more presents. It took us years to work out that this was the best formula though!

By the way your friend sounds really lovely and it doesn't sound as though she's doing it expecting presents back from everyone - not that that helps much!

I don't think she would expect anything back. She really is lovely. I gave her a load of boys clothes recently and she tried to pay me for them!! I wouldn't let her obviously so she bought a thank you card and a little present for my DS!!.