Should I let my mum take DS to London?

[Kittle]

My mum has decided at some point to take 4 year old DS to London - with my dad too - to visit the Transport Museum etc.

Trouble is, she's told me that he "ran off" once when they were in TKMaxx , and "we couldn't see him, ha ha". She also revealed the other day that he once ran out of a lift, thinking it was the right floor, and the door shut. I can't totally remember, but I think she told me that he was still there when she "went back down again." So the lift went UP A FLOOR WITHOUT HIM?? Even if I got it wrong and she only had to press the open doors button, that's still scary. It happened to me - which is why the subject came up - but I dived through the door after him! Another time he ran off (in a strop) when we were all at a county show and she said "oh, just leave him". He was nearly out of sight in a packed field - near the archery section, as it happens. No way was I going to leave him. I'd rather die.

I'm terrified she's going to lose him, basically. He doesn't run off much really, although it probably sounds as if he does . He's just young and enthusiastic!! But I'm not sure my 66-yr-old and 70-yr-old parents are up to chasing after him, and how can they be so casual about it?!

This is the tip of the iceberg where my parents are concerned - my relationship with them has gone from fine to terrible since DS was one.

So I have two questions:

1. What should I do about the London thing? Am I being unreasonable/over-reacting?
2. Should I see a therapist and moan to them about all the other many issues I have with my parents?? Has that actually worked for anyone? I can't afford it but I'm getting desperate.

it does sound like he runs off alot, but am assuming the incidents were spread out over time and you have combined them

tbh when i have taken dd to london, i have put on of those little life back packs on her at times, explaining that is was very busy and dangerous and made it easier for me to keep both her and her little brother together, she was ok with it but never wears it anywhwere else

from what you have said, no i wouldn;t let them

you can't leave a 4 year old to run off in the middle of a field

FWIW, the transport museum is not that big and it would be hard for him to run off/get lost but i think you would spend the whole time stressing about him which defeats the point of a child free day IMO

No, I wouldn´t.

I think it´s the "oh just leave him" that would do it for me tbh!

No. I think your concerns are fully justifiable.

If you don't feel happy about it, I wouldn't let her take him - you will only have a horrible day stressing about what might or might not happen! If you don't want to admit you don't trust them, can you just say that you think he is a bit young and might get a bit too tired/overwhelmed by it all?

As for the second question, can you speak to your GP? You might be able to get some counselling on the NHS, although there will probably be a bit of a wait.

Good luck x

DP's 74 yr old mum wanted to go to London with me and dd. I wouldn't even countenance that. She is prone to wandering off. She'd wander off with dd who's 3 without considering the panic that causes. She takes her into catholic churches, get's her to light a candle and hold it herself. She's a nightmare with her.

From what you've said, i wouldn't let them take him.

Oh and I've decided dd's not going to stay at her nana's alone until she's old enough to ring 911 if necessary.

Cant you go with them but stand back a bit so they're more 'in charge' to see how they handle him? So in the museum, go for a drink while they walk round and you can keep an eye on how they monitor him?

They get their day out, you get to see what goes on, and you can make a better-informed decision as to letting them take him alone another time.

My Grandmother used to take me, my 2 sisters and my brother to the shops every Saturday to give my Mum "a break"

Every week, we'd all be carted off and my Mum would spend the time we were away in a panic about us getting lost and therefore didn't get a break at all.

When we were all adults, she told us how paniced she'd always been and how awful she felt whenever Grandma took us out - and how relieved she'd always been that none of us had ever got lost and she'd been worrying for nothing.... It was then that we admitted that Grandma had lost at least one of us every week and that, had we not gotten so good at choosing strangers to help us find her and finding each other, it might have been a very tragic story! She nearly fainted!!

Given the nonchalance that your Mum has over loosing your DS, I would say No to the trip personally.

London is a convienient place for me to meet my 70 plus year old parents. They can be a bit doddery on the tube etc, so we tend to meet them at one of the museums (V&A is my 4 year old DS favourite). They take her off and we head elsewhere for a couple of hours. When she was younger we had a backpack with a lead on it - some-one else has mentioned 'little life' or argos have similar.
Admittidily shes never been one for running off and it took a bit of getting used to on our part, but now works brilliantly

did I say DS, I meant DD

1. I would be worried about letting them take him to London based on what you've said. Maybe compromise and they could take him somewhere more 'low key'...?

1. Think carefully, it's expensive. Talk on here, talk to friends etc first - counselling can be addictive, although I'm not denying it has its uses.

Bloody hell.
You lot have very doddery parents!
My mum is 75 and it is only in the last year or so that I have become at all worried about her out and about because she can get a little disorientated when away from her home town- but she is bloody fit and i trust her completely with my DD and always have done.
She copes with DS2 pretty well and he has SN.

I can't believe that anyone in their 60's without some kind of degenertaive issue, is too old to look after a child. But equally I can't believe that a child of four is still 'running off' and needing to be chased. Don't they come back when you call after them sternly by that age?

I wouldn't send my DCs out with anyone other than me if I thought they would run away and not come back when called so YANBU

YANBU about the London trip. If my mum did this with DS, I would never ever in a million years allow her to take him into London. As it is, I think central London with all the crowds can be daunting to a young child. So they need to be with someone who can be with them and look after them. Not someone who could lose them!

Thank you all for helpful and sympathetic advice. I particularly love your story GoldenSnitch - with sympathy to your poor mum, of course!

She's OK now. Her "baby" turned 25 last week so we all survived Grandma's shopping trips in the end.

She still gets chills when she thinks about it though.