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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

showing photo of teenage child on mn and talking about her problems

37 replies

Lalalucy · 03/12/2009 16:25

I've seen mums on here that have uploaded photos of their teenage kids and then discussing kids problems on mn.
Am I the only one who feels uneasy to see mums discussing their kids intimate details with strangers plus showing their pics? I think it's an invasion of the childs privacy TBH.

OP posts:
PixieOnaLeaf · 03/12/2009 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JustAnotherManicMummy · 03/12/2009 16:40

YANBU. I noticed yesterday someone going into a lot of detail about their teenage daughter's sex life with said daughter named and splashed all over the profile page.

It is a gross invasion of privacy to do that.

If you need to discuss things do it anonomously!

butterscotch · 03/12/2009 16:40

I don't think photos are necessary unless maybe your showing a picture of a rash or a mark and you want some advice but the rest of the child should be hidden....

mumblechum · 03/12/2009 17:01

I thought that as well, Manic. A 14 yr old girll was being discussed vis a vis her possible pregnancy, contraceptive arrangements & a bullying situation with her photo there for all to see.

Not really appropriate.

pagwatch · 03/12/2009 17:04

I would never talk about my children in a way that I would think would invade their privacy or embaress them.
But I seldomn discuss problems about my DCs except in the relative quiet of the SN section.
I have also told DS1 I will pull his photo if he wants me to.

VicarInaTinselTuTu · 03/12/2009 17:28

id not feel comfortable with photos on the net for all to see. (and ive no idea how to set a profile page either!)

Original poster
Lalalucy · 03/12/2009 17:29

I think I know which one you mean and that's the one I was shocked by. I actually became quite tearful at what I see as a betrayal of the child. And surely there is always the possibility that someone will recognise these people?

OP posts:
QandA · 03/12/2009 17:39

YANBU

I don't think it is appropriate.

HugeBaublesWhatDidISayRoy · 03/12/2009 17:53

I wouldn't dream of putting photos of my DC on a public forum. Leaves you open for all sorts of things.

MollieO · 03/12/2009 17:56

I think what surprises me is not that people put pictures on their profile but rather they name their dcs rather than tagging them as 'ds1' etc. I read that thread yesterday and I assume the OP didn't actually give much thought to what was on her profile before she posted, clearly very upset and worried.

Buda · 03/12/2009 17:59

I understand what you are all getting at but yesterday the OP was panicking. She wasn't thinking properly.

Yes maybe she should take her DD's photos down or change her name but sometimes you don't think logically in a crisis.

And threads about threads are not really on.

HugeBaublesWhatDidISayRoy · 03/12/2009 18:14

didnt see the thread you are talking about, just answering the OP about whether or not its a good idea to put dc pics on t'internet.

RockBird · 03/12/2009 18:16

Maybe not a great idea but the thread yesterday was about a mother worried sick about her child. I don't think her first thought was goodness, must edit my profile. There was a crisis going on.

JustAnotherManicMummy · 03/12/2009 18:31

I've seen more than one thread where people have breached the privacy of their children - but I referred to something I saw yesterday as it was the first example that came to mind.

Didn't think it was a problem to refer to it

I do wonder why the first reaction would be to get on MN and start telling everyone about it - but everyone copes differently.

And there being a crisis is no excuse. If you choose to put your children on the internet you have to take responsibility for that decision all of the time. Including in times of crisis. Or don't put them up in the first place.

nellynaemates · 03/12/2009 18:51

YANBU, actually in this instance I think it's perfectly reasonable to start a thread about a thread. I know it's not the done thing but it might give one or two people a shake.

I didn't read the thread in question, but this MNer, and others, maybe just haven't thought this through before posting and maybe this will make them realise and think first next time.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 03/12/2009 20:14

I know exactly which thread and which poster you are referring to

I see your point, actually

But perhaps it would have been better, when the crisis was resolved, to go back to that thread and have a "quiet" word ?

Drooper · 03/12/2009 20:17

I love threads about threads.

And also enjoy it when other posters get sniffy about threads about threads.

AIBU to start a thread saying 'AIBU to enjoy threads about threads' or will mumsnet implode.

OP YANBU

bibbitybobbityhat · 03/12/2009 20:23

Exactly what Drooper said.

Drooper · 03/12/2009 20:34
Grin
Original poster
Lalalucy · 03/12/2009 22:50

My intention wasn't to start a thread about a thread but I can see how it turned out like that. It's not just one thread though. I'm just thinking that we're always warning our kids to be careful on Facebook and so on, but it's possible for anybody to register with MN and then find out stuff about our kids.

OP posts:
2shoes · 03/12/2009 22:55

yanbu
I try to advoid doing this about ds, he is 17 now so very identifiable.

Jux · 03/12/2009 23:38

YANBU

I think I had a pic of dd on my profile but you couldn't really see her, and certainly not her face. On facebook there are a couple of photos of her but they're in a private album so only people I know can see her (or dh).

I am paranoid about being identified myself, so I am doubly careful about the rest of the family. If I have a particularly intimate problem I need advice or help on, I have a different user name which I use, so there is no risk of giving myself away to anyone.

It is quite easy to be very open about your family members here, without the risk of them being actually identifiable. That's one reason why I love mn.

Jux · 03/12/2009 23:42

I've just checked my profile pix and there's one of dd which is instantly recognisable! I've just deleted it, though.

liahgen · 03/12/2009 23:56

You have mail manicmummy

JustAnotherManicMummy · 04/12/2009 00:12

Do you mean you've CAT me liahgen? I'm not my sharpest this evening as DS has decided sleep is what other people's babies do.

The other thing that sprang to mind was the Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks film. Though I definitely blame the sleep deprevation for that one!