To consider not going on holiday because DS is ill

[wheresmypaddle]

DP and I are supposed to be going on a four day holiday without DS (2.8) abroad with friends on Saturday night - a friend won this holiday and has asked us to go.

Other than obvious pangs about leaving DS,we are both really really looking forward to a break. Its been a bit of a dream come true to get this chance to go away. DS is staying with DP's parents for half the time and my mum and her partner for the rest of the time. He spends lots of time with both, stays over night regularly and enjoys his time with them (we are blessed with great GPs).

But poor DS is poorly. He has a horrid cold (again) and now a bad chest. The doctor gave us a blue inhaler for him yesterday morning, he is not asthmatic, but she thought that this would help ease his chest. He doesn't seem any better though.

He is OK during the day, just a bit more grumpy and delicate than usual, but at night he gets really upset when he coughs and has needed lots of cuddles and reassurance from me (is close to DP but seems to need me when poorly).

I am not sure I can face going away and leaving him when he is poorly, especially when he needs me in the night. All the grandparents are happy to care for him when he is ill and think I should go, DP wants to go.

I am so torn, I would dearly love this break but my 'mummy' instincts are telling me he needs me and I shouldn't go.

AIBU to consider not going??

YANBU but dp is I think. Is he your ds father? If it were my dh and he considered putting a holiday in front of my dd's happiness and welbeing I'd be very upset.
FWIW, I'd wait a bit longer before making a decision, children are remarkably good at making a vast turnaround in their health.

KreecherLU -Yes he is DS father- I see your point but to be honest makes me feel I need to defend DP (hmm do I have issues here??!!) - I have to say he loves DS dearly and I consider him to be a great father. He thinks DS will be just fine as he is close to GPs. I can't help feling its wring to leave him if he is ill.

I think it would depend on how ill he was and how much difference it would make if I were there.

If he has a cold and cough and this is a holiday abroad then I'd still go - as you have said he is used to his GP's and comfortable with them, it's not like you're leaving him with non-family or strangers now is it. I don't think your DP is being unreasonable, probably just looking forward to his holiday and less anxious about GP's not being able to comfort him.

I think in your situation I'd give him big cuddles, tell his GP's they have permission to spoil him rotton and go away. It's only 4 days and he may be better by Saturday anyway/

I can't cancel as its too late I assume and holiday was won in sports competition, but may not be too late for friends to change name on flight tickets and hotel booking. I really hope DS feels better so I won't have to question whether to go or not but if I wait too long to see how he is it might mean they can't take someone else instead.

YANBU. I would not go and leave an ill child for 4 days. Don't feel as if you have to defend your DP - sometimes men are just wired differently. Let DP go on his own and stay at home with a little boy who needs you.

Hmmmm...

It depends on how bad your LO really is. If he's not actually 'ill' and he's on the mend and the GP's are happy to take him, I'd think about going.

OTOH, if he's still sickening or you genuinely think this might be the start of something nastier, stay home.

Trust your instincts, I think. It's easy to panic and think they'll die without us but you could stay home and have him be fine by Sunday, in which case you've stayed for no real reason.

Where are you going? Is it somewhere you cold get back from/has reasonable communications? That might make a difference to your decision.

Oh dear - feel for you. It's a terrible dilemma and while I don't think YABU to consider not going, I think, actually you should.

Why?

Because everyday from now till Sat your DS will be getting a little bit better. He has the inhaler 'just in case' - it's OK, loads of kids have these.

He has two sets of loving grandparents who he is used to being with over night and who are all telling you they are happy to look after him. And they will.

Go.

He will be fine.

Good point - am going to Turkey, would be in regular contact and would be back in a flash if needed.

DS has had cold for five days, cough developed on tues night, slight temp under control with calpol. Cough bothers him at night, two episodes of needing cuddle and reasurrance last night. Saw GP last night, she diagnosed viral chest infection (never quite sure how they know its viral not bacterial (sp?!)) and prescribed the blue inhaler with a spacer to ease cough.

You've got the rest of the day, tomorrow and Saturday to decide, and he might very well get better in that time.

If he doesn't, would your dp consider going alone? Or do you want to cancel now, so that your friends have time to get someone else to come instead?

I'd have a chat with them, and say ds isn't very well- what would they prefer to do if you can't leave him?

I would bet that he'll be better in time. Ruby is right!- but I'd find out what your options are, just in case.

DP wants me to go with him but if I decide to stay I can't see the point in us both missing out and would rather he went without me than us both miss out.

Friends have just said they are sure he will be well enough by Sunday for me to go, they don't seem to think I am serious about backing out.

I am really hoping he gets better and maybe am panicking too much as he may well be much better by then. Would have preferred not to leave it too late to allow friends to take someone else but they seem happy to wait.

An update for you kind ladies who responded to my original post: DS continued to get better so I decided to go on the holiday. Still found it very hard to leave him though.

He barely gave us a backward glance when we dropped him off with GPs and apparently barely mentioned mummy or daddy while we were away. We called every evening and he shouted a few words away about his day and then said "see you soon"!!

Had a great time despite missing DS a lot and am glad we went. Judging by DS reaction he is obviously a lot less attached to me than I thought - am trying to see that as a good thing!?!

not cyber stalking you!- just having a tidy up in my threads I'm on...

good for you- am glad it all turned out so well. Now you'll have to do it again