Do you think this is an appropriate response to the verbal attack I was subjected to at school t'other day?

[TheMoistWorldOfSeptimusQuench]

I was involved in a horrible altercation with a teaching assistant at school last week.

I owe the after school club money from several months earlier this year when I was struggling and couldn't pay. At the time, I went straight to the head to explain my problem, he was fine, agreed that I should set up a standing order to pay a bit extra each month until things improved. He was quite happy with this, and when I spoke to him again about it recently, confirmed that he still is.

I rang the TA at after school club last week to ask whether they could write to Housing benefit for me, just to confirm what ASC costs, as apparently HB can include this in the claim, and then obviously I can pay more money to school and clear the arrears more quickly.

Well, for some reason that i still don't understand, this woman started laying into me, accusing me of still not paying (said that they are not receiving the standing order, but I have since checked and they definitely are). She accused me of lying, of failing to communicate with them when DD is going elsewhere (knowing full well that I have, as on the first occasion we told both her and the class teacher, on the second I told her personally and watched as she wrote it down). She then bought up the fact that DD has dancing lessons, paid for by her grand parents, and said that in her view the grand parents should be paying the school instead. All of this delivered in a very aggressive, accusatory manner, dismissing my responses and explanations, speaking or shouting over me etc. This went on for about half an hour and was very, very upsetting. I was extremely shaken for quite a while afterwards, and was still crying the next day when I went into school.

I spoke to one of the governers (who is a friend of ours anyway), and also to the head. He said that he considered it a disciplinary matter, would write to me to apologise on behalf of the school, and would get her to write to me.

He rang me yesterday and said that he would be meeting with the TA in the afternoon, and would "give her a verbal discipline" (not entirely sure what that means), but also that he had decided to cut my childcare bill in half, as a gesture of goodwill.

On the one hand, it's wonderful, on the other, the money isn't the point, it was about the way in which she spoke to me. Even if I had been guilty of what she ws accusing me off, it would still have been out of order.

I have long suspected that the head is someone who likes to keep everyone happy and doesn't really deal with things properly. I dont want to see this woman's head on a plate (she has previously been very supportive to DD and is popular with all the children) but I do want her to know that her behaviour was unacceptable. I don't know whether he's asked her to apologise or not, and I'm not sure that compensating me financially gives the right message. It also means the school will ultimately lose out on money which i have every intention of paying them. But I'm not ungrateful either.

I really don't know what to the think about all this - please help me get my thoughts in order!

I think its more than a fair response from the school. Most places would have stopped the child attending if fees had built up and were not being paid so your school was already understanding anyway.

Although have sympathy, it sounds like a nasty phone call, I would Love to hear her side of it.

I often find patients complaining of being 'verbally abused' by junior staff at the healthcare place I work at. I have, on occasion heard what has gone on and it has very much been a two way street.

Housing benefit do not pay childcare costs, do they? That sounds odd - surely it's the childcare element of working tax credits that pays for your childcare?

Her behaviour was bizarre and I still don't understand how or why she has any information about your finances. None of her damn business. Unless you chose to tell her for some reason I'd be very unhappy that school has apparently passed this information on.

Hope the verbal warning sorts it out and you can go back to being mutually polite.

shineon I said further down that discussing it here has crystallised things for me and I am quite happy with what he's done. Don't want anything else. Just didn't know what to make of it at first.

Re her side of the story: Interestingly, I had another chat with the head when I went to pick DD up from dancing earlier - he had made a point of waiting around to update me (nice of him). Apparently, she has spoken to one of the governers and her account matches mine exactly, and she 'acknowledges that she was in the wrong and things got out of hand' I'm amazed.

He also said that he wanted to wipe the debt completely but the governers disagreed. I told him that I didn't think that would be appropriate and I'm very happy with what he's agreed and his supportive response generally.

I've asked him twice in the past whether, given my situation, he would like me to try to make other arrangements for DD and he's said no (she only goes once a week now). I do appreciate how kind this is and have always made that very clear.

Housing Benefit don't exactly pay the asc fees - but they "take the figure into account" when making the assessment. I was suprised by that too.

do you know what, sep? if that's what she's saying i'd make a point of being really magnanimous towards her when you next see her, to let her apologise iyswim? we all have our off days and you did say that she's been really supportive to dd in the past. if you are gracious and kind to her then that would be best for dd for the next few years. imo, that is.

I actually think this head sounds very good. He has offerred an appropriate response and the payment is a really good gesture.

I would be pleased with the outcome if I were you and put it behind you now. I would not demand a personal apology from the TA. That is not appropriate. The head's apology is the important one.

All round a good outcome after a horrible incident.

Hear Hear Aitch. I second that post.

Thanks Aitch, you're right
And that is far more dignified than the alternative.

I thought the WTC pay the childcare and then HB dismiss that amount from your income as it is targetted rather than for you as such,is that right?

Bit like they don't count DLA as it is targetted for the person's disability 9at elast with children,no idea about adults)

Think so, Peachy

yes, and SO much less stressful. yours is quite a powerful position right now. och, but it does sound like she was really out of order, the silly woman.