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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking that DS shouldn't be told off for this?

40 replies

Gateaux · 02/12/2009 14:30

DS (7) was told off at school yesterday for making someone cry. Fair enough I thought.
Until I asked exactly what had happened. There are a set of twins in his class, they're very small and cute and to be honest, the teachers favour them hugely because of this. Anyway, one of them had heard DS and his friend talking about dinosaurs and promptly told him they didn't exist.
DS replied "no not now, but they used to. And alligators and Crocodiles still exist and they're like dinosaurs".

After a bit of arguing back and forth, the girl burst into tears and went running to the teacher saying she was scared of alligators and crocodiles. DS was then told off for scaring her!!! What was he supposed to do? tell her they didn't exist and only cute fluffy animals exist in the world?

OP posts:
Hullygully · 02/12/2009 14:33

Completely unreasonable and very unfair on your ds. At least he'll be learning some of life's saddest lessons young...

nickelbabe · 02/12/2009 14:33

sounds like teacher didn't listen to the reason for the debate then.

seeker · 02/12/2009 14:34

I would make sure that you've got the whole story before I do anything. On the face of it, it seems very unfair, but I tend only to believe half of what I'm told unless there is corroborating evidence!

IBlameThePMT · 02/12/2009 14:34

The thing with children is that you never know exactly what was said, and how it was said, unless you are actually there! Your DS may, and I do only mean may [grin[ have put a positive spin on his telling of the story to you, the little girl may have a slightly different version...

Tho possibly the teacher is a bit batty of course!

IBlameThePMT · 02/12/2009 14:35

Hmm. That didn't quite work out!!

Original poster
Gateaux · 02/12/2009 14:36

The teacher told me this, not DS. She said DS knows the girl is quite "senstive" and should have been more sensible

OP posts:
Hullygully · 02/12/2009 14:37

Oh dear lord. Seriously, this is just one of those times when you can have a lovely talk with him about unfairness and how to manage it..

StewieGriffinsMom · 02/12/2009 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Bubbaluv · 02/12/2009 14:47

If that is really what happened then YANBU at all. In fact I would have said exactly what your son said. There's nothing wrong with being scared of crocodiles - they are scary, but denying their existance is a bit ridiculous even for a little girl!

TheCrackFox · 02/12/2009 14:47

The teacher is not doing the little girl any favours either. Everytime she has a -tantrum- sensitive moment everyone has got to pussyfoot around her.

Tolalola · 02/12/2009 14:59

YANBU at all! I would be if that happened to my DS. It's completely ridiculous of the teacher and not helping anyone.

In fact, thinking about it, the idea that a child should be taught to withhold facts and/or lie/pretend on the off chance that someone may possibly be offended by what they are talking about is quite unsavoury. I'd say something more to the teacher about it if I were you.

reservejudgement · 02/12/2009 15:01

Ridiculous of the teacher to pander to this childs sensitivities AND for expecting a 7 year old boy to have the social awareness of an adult!

StewieGriffinsMom · 02/12/2009 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Acanthus · 02/12/2009 15:17

Guys - the teacher was there, we only have one side of it from a small child. ANY CHANCE the teacher's judgement might therefore be better than ours?

deaddei · 02/12/2009 15:22

I would suggest to him he has a very loud conversation with his mate about monsters and scary beasts......

Tolalola · 02/12/2009 15:26

Acanthus, it was the teacher who told this story to the OP, not her DS

MrsMerryHenry · 02/12/2009 15:31

Oh good grief. I can't see what your DS did wrong, unless he thumped the girl while insisting that dinos have gone dodo.

"The teacher told me this, not DS. She said DS knows the girl is quite "senstive" and should have been more sensible" - FGS does this mean everyone is to walk on eggshells around this girl for the rest of her life? How about the teacher helping her to become a wee bit more steelly?

pigletmania · 02/12/2009 16:21

The teachers were being well UX10000000000. My goodness talk about cotton wooling children its dreadful, i would hate to grow up in such times.

Sassybeast · 02/12/2009 16:39

Well he DID scare her. And got told off. I'm not sure what your issue is. If DS comes home and told you that another child had scared HIM and made HIM cry presumably the other child would be at fault as well ? YABU. 7 year old boys can be mean. Leave the teacher to do her job.

MrsMerryHenry · 02/12/2009 16:42

Sassy, sometimes anything can upset a child (also 'scare' was the teacher's interpretation, not the girls, as far as we know). It's our job as adults to help children find a balance, don't you think? Since the teacher has already admitted that the girl is rather oversensitive, it sounds like she overreacted and the teacher let her get away with doing so.

reservejudgement · 02/12/2009 16:44

Sassy, it would seem that he told her alligators exist. Which at 7, should be information that she can process without having a hissy fit. He did not tell her that there was an alligator approaching or threaten her with one so why should he get told off?

Sassybeast · 02/12/2009 16:51

The OP has had a hissy fit as her child was told off by a teacher and marched in demanding an explaination. Which she got and continues to put her own spin on. None of us were there, none of us know what was said. If my child made another child cry, either deliberately or inadvertantly, then I'd fully support the teacher in having a word with my child. Just out of interst OP, what format did the 'telling off' take ? Marching into school fighting your sons battles gives him free reins to say what he likes to whoever he likes. Your OP mentions 'arguing back and forth' so not simply a case of achild crying because she's been told alligators exist.

piscesmoon · 02/12/2009 16:54

If you weren't there it is impossible to know the ins and outs of the story-tone of voice makes a great difference. I would just make light of it-explain to DS that it was unfair, but it all came about because the DD was over sensitive so the best thing is just to brush it off and not be over sensitive himself! The teacher didn't handle it well, but she was probably doing 101 different things at the time- no one is perfect!

MrsMerryHenry · 02/12/2009 16:58

Sassy, you are letting your imagination carry you away. Where did the OP say she 'marched in'? She simply reported what the teacher told her, without giving any details of how it was that she ended up discussing the incident with the teacher. Please stick to the facts as written.

When someone makes my son cry, I assess the situation and decide whether he needs me to step in and stand up for him, or whether he's overreacting. Either way, I respond according to the situation. I think that's a reasonable approach to take.

Hullygully · 02/12/2009 17:00

I agree with Sassy. That Op had no right to storm in there in full battledress and gun her down just because the teacher had been an unfair old cunt.